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He said no to a date.


stacey89
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He said no to a date. He was quite flirty in my opinion, quite touchy feely and complimentary (but could just be this sort of person). Anyway, I asked him to go to the cinema and he said yes, then I said, actually do you want to go for a drink and he said no, because he was emotionally unavailable.

Anyway, would you still go to the cinema with him? He still wants to go. If so, would you dress casually or make a slight effort. I haven't been messaging him a lot. That's not fair and if he changes his mind, it's up to him, but I shouldn't pester him.

 

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He just wants to sleep with you or he's bored...that's what he meant by "emotionally" unavailable. If you asked him to go to your place afterwards he would probably say yes. Why would you even bother? Obviously you wanted to date him. And now that's not going to happen. Call it off.

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Cinema is friendly option, drinks are date option. Dunno if you would change too much if you go to cinema with him. If he said he is emotionally unavailable for a drink(silly excuse but OK) that probably means he doesnt want a relationship. If you still want to go then go, but wouldnt expect too much there.

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53 minutes ago, stacey89 said:

He said no to a date.  he was emotionally unavailable.

Why treat someone to the cinema when they reject you?

Just be friends/coworkers and date men who show more interest.

Is he in another relationship? What does he mean by "emotionally unavailable"?

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Well...he was refreshingly honest.

He doesn't want to date you.   He is fine with catching a movie with someone.

Do you go?  It depends on what you want. If you just really want to see that movie but don't want to go alone, and you have no expectations of you dating him and can be honest with yourself about that - then go. If you want to date him - do not go.

I am guessing that he didn't have his hands all over you if it was at work. He might be someone who puts a hand on someone's shoulders when they talk to them, brush an elbow during a convo, etc. There are people who are quick to hug people, etc, and there are people that give compliments to everyone.

So he said no. So what.  Find someone else to date.

 

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1 hour ago, stacey89 said:

If so, would you dress casually or make a slight effort. I haven't been messaging him a lot. That's not fair and if he changes his mind, it's up to him, but I shouldn't pester him.

 

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What is "not fair?"  Its not fair because he's not into you? 

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4 minutes ago, abitbroken said:

What is "not fair?"  Its not fair because he's not into you? 

It wouldn't be fair to message him a lot, to persuade him etc.

He has said no, so I've left it as that. I am still friends with him though, but think that it would be unfair to message more than I would ordinarily as friends. 

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Just now, stacey89 said:

It wouldn't be fair to message him a lot, to persuade him etc.

He has said no, so I've left it as that. I am still friends with him though, but think that it would be unfair to message more than I would ordinarily as friends. 

Its not about fairness to him - its about getting what you want. He doesn't want you, so move on.  honestly, i don't think you are friends.  Friends as in on friendly terms, yes, but you were only communicating because you interpreted him as having interest.   I would find another text buddy.  If you work with him in any capacity, keep it strictly professional

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7 minutes ago, abitbroken said:

Well...he was refreshingly honest.

He doesn't want to date you.   He is fine with catching a movie with someone.

Do you go?  It depends on what you want. If you just really want to see that movie but don't want to go alone, and you have no expectations of you dating him and can be honest with yourself about that - then go. If you want to date him - do not go.

I am guessing that he didn't have his hands all over you if it was at work. He might be someone who puts a hand on someone's shoulders when they talk to them, brush an elbow during a convo, etc. There are people who are quick to hug people, etc, and there are people that give compliments to everyone.

So he said no. So what.  Find someone else to date.

 

I think that I will still go, but have no expectations of anything. I feel a bit weird cancelling tbh, because it doesn't have to mean anything and doesn't anyway. Plus we are still friends anyway and will see each other again fairly soon.

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15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why treat someone to the cinema when they reject you?

Just be friends/coworkers and date men who show more interest.

Is he in another relationship? What does he mean by "emotionally unavailable"?

I don't know. He didn't say. It could just be an excuse or he is stressed or not over his ex. Who knows. It's a no and that's what matters.

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4 minutes ago, stacey89 said:

It's a no and that's what matters.

Exactly. If he has a moat or thorns all around him, don't waste your time.  Clearly anyone would be more fun to have a a friend or date for drinks, movies, whatever.

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2 hours ago, stacey89 said:

He said no to a date. He was quite flirty in my opinion, quite touchy feely and complimentary (but could just be this sort of person). Anyway, I asked him to go to the cinema and he said yes, then I said, actually do you want to go for a drink and he said no, because he was emotionally unavailable.

Anyway, would you still go to the cinema with him? He still wants to go. If so, would you dress casually or make a slight effort. I haven't been messaging him a lot. That's not fair and if he changes his mind, it's up to him, but I shouldn't pester him.

 

Thanks

Don't get together with anyone who says something like that, date or no and especially with a date if he's not 100% into it why bother.  He enjoys flirting with you and is not interested in dating you.  The "emotionally unavailable" is most likely an excuse.  Please don't take it personally.

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1 hour ago, stacey89 said:

I think that I will still go, but have no expectations of anything. I feel a bit weird cancelling tbh, because it doesn't have to mean anything and doesn't anyway. Plus we are still friends anyway and will see each other again fairly soon.

Yup, going to see a movie is fine.. friends do this.

But, he was honest & that should be okay.. If he is a 'friend', is best to leave all as that!

is never good to get involved with friends anyways - ruins that relationship 😕 .

Plus, as you mentioned issue's over his 'ex'? Ohhh you don;t want to go there - then it would be a 'rebound'.. Nothing good comes out of that.

So, yeah, if you're good for just hanging out as friends to go see a movie?  Why not.  🙂 

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5 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yup, going to see a movie is fine.. friends do this.

But, he was honest & that should be okay.. If he is a 'friend', is best to leave all as that!

is never good to get involved with friends anyways - ruins that relationship 😕 .

Plus, as you mentioned issue's over his 'ex'? Ohhh you don;t want to go there - then it would be a 'rebound'.. Nothing good comes out of that.

So, yeah, if you're good for just hanging out as friends to go see a movie?  Why not.  🙂 

Yes as long as you're good if he wants to chat about women he's dating/thinking of dating or commenting as he would to a friend about actresses in the movie, etc.   Also if hes' touchy feely during the movie remember he's not into you for purposes of dating/relationship so try not to see that as some sort of sign.  

Edited by Batya33
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Since you like him, going with him to the cinema just makes things worse for you. Take a time out. Cool off and see each other as friends in a group setting or some other more neutral setting. 

You're worried about what you're going to wear so no, this is not a just friends situation. Spend time with other people/friends. 

You don't want to be someone's rebound either.

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7 hours ago, stacey89 said:

 I asked him to go to the cinema and he said yes, then I said, actually do you want to go for a drink and he said no, because he was emotionally unavailable.

Anyway, would you still go to the cinema with him? 

 

That would depend on whether you were happy to just be friends with this guy.  Be honest with yourself.  Are you happy to be friend-zoned or are you hoping that it will turn into more?  Is it worth attaching yourself to someone who has told you he is emotionally unavailable?

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Hey, OP. Sorry to hear about the declined date offer. From your responses on this thread, it seems you are caught between "it would be awkward to cancel at this point" and "I want to date him, so maybe I shouldn't go."

If you wanted to avoid the cinema, you could find a vague excuse: "Hey, sorry, something came up. I cannot make it to the cinema on [date]." Otherwise, follow through on the plans and don't go with any expectations of a relationship. I don't see why you wouldn't dress nicely: you're going out in public. But you shouldn't make special efforts for this guy, no.

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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Posted (edited)

Thank you. Pleasedonot5 you have summed up my predicament completely. It would be too late/unnecessary almost to cancel (it I did it would seem like I meant more by the film, which I didn't as much as the drink). 

Plus the clothes. If I dress up too much, then it may look like I am trying to make an impression. But I can wear something relatively nice, not just jeans/joggers etc. As we are still going out to the cinema and haven't been for about a year and why not? It's still a public place.

I'm still going, but not with no expectations and I won't organise anything again for just the pair of us.

Thank you everyone.

Edited by stacey89
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Posted (edited)

 

13 hours ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Hey, OP. Sorry to hear about the declined date offer. From your responses on this thread, it seems you are caught between "it would be awkward to cancel at this point" and "I want to date him, so maybe I shouldn't go."

If you wanted to avoid the cinema, you could find a vague excuse: "Hey, sorry, something came up. I cannot make it to the cinema on [date]." Otherwise, follow through on the plans and don't go with any expectations of a relationship. I don't see why you wouldn't dress nicely: you're going out in public. But you shouldn't make special efforts for this guy, no.

Thank you. Pleasedonot5 you have summed up my predicament completely. It would be too late/unnecessary almost to cancel (it I did it would seem like I meant more by the film, which I didn't as much as the drink). 

Plus the clothes. If I dress up too much, then it may look like I am trying to make an impression. But I can wear something relatively nice, not just jeans/joggers etc. As we are still going out to the cinema and haven't been for about a year and why not? It's still a public place.

I'm still going, but not with no expectations and I won't organise anything again for just the pair of us.

Thank you everyone.

Edited by stacey89
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Just now, smackie9 said:

Hey nothing wrong with having an evening out. I think we all deserve an evening out after this pandemic.

So true! We are still going to be sat there with our masks on hahaha. Socialising is well overdue for everyone!

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