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I like her more than she likes me


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I have been in a relationship with my significant other for 3 months, and things have been going reasonably well, including being introduced to her family, but it is clear that I like her more than she likes me.  This is evidenced by me messaging first (she will always reply), putting her more as a priority, and arranging all the dates we meet up.

What should I do?

a) break up - your relationship is doomed to fail

b) continue doing what your doing! Girls love a reliable loving man!

c) tone it down and give her space - give her time for her feelings to develop more

d) other 

 

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Op,

You know the amount someone messages you can be tricky because it’s not always adequate to their feelings. Just because she messages you less doesn’t mean she likes you less.

 

If you feel though you are putting in more effort and it is one sided. I would advise you re thinking the relationship. Honestly it’s not healthy to have an uneven balance in feelings.  You need someone who feels as much as you do. 
 

 

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Are you sure you like her more or is she of a mindset that the man should do all the chasing? I'm not sure how old you guys are but I find especially women of my generation (I'm in my 30's) have often been brought up to "play hard to get" and let the man always go after them. Some of my female friends even went so far as to play some kind of game and deliberately seem mysterious and unavailable. Like deliberately say things like: "I don't know when I'm free next, I'm so busy". Even though they were free as a bird lol 

I mean, the fact that she introduced you to her family is a good sign. I understand your frustration though if you're the only one always reaching out and contacting her. Maybe at the start of dating this was somewhat acceptable but now she should be making equal effort. Have you told her how you feel about her and asked if she feels the same? Because if she doesn't feel the same there's probably no point continuing to date.

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B) and C).

It's only been 3 months.  Give it time.  Get to know each other better including personalities, characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, idiosyncrasies, etc.

Perhaps she prefers that you initiate messages because you're better at electronic correspondence than she is.  I've known quite a few people who are much better in person than texting, messaging, emails and voicemails.  They're even better in person than phone chats. 

Maybe she doesn't have any good ideas for dates so she defers to you.

I think the best thing to do is to ask her if these issues bother you.  Either tell her that you would like for her to message you first every now and then or don't say anything.  Either tell her that you would like for her to come up with dating ideas or don't mention it at all.  Be nice about it.  Don't sound demanding and commanding otherwise she'll want to break up with you. 

Clear communication is important.  If anything is bothering or concerning you, then let her know how you feel in person.  Don't go back 'n forth electronically for what you should say to her in person and remember to be a good listener, too.  Hear her reasons. 

 

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30 minutes ago, anononon said:

a) break up - your relationship is doomed to fail

 

Youve been out for 3 months and introduced to family. I would say you are doing good for now

30 minutes ago, anononon said:

b) continue doing what your doing! Girls love a reliable loving man!

 

Eh, so so. As my friend once said, girls love for you to be there but not to be there. That means to be on her mind but not all the time. I never could do that, I give myself in full and cant play those games. But sometimes it has strange effect. For example dont message her for 2 days and see how she messages first. 

41 minutes ago, anononon said:

c) tone it down and give her space - give her time for her feelings to develop more

 

There you go. Sometimes people dont go at the same pace. She introduced you to family, that is a big thing so I would say she is serious too. Dont smother her and give her time, she will maybe be there

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1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

B) and C).

It's only been 3 months.  Give it time.  Get to know each other better including personalities, characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, idiosyncrasies, etc.

Perhaps she prefers that you initiate messages because you're better at electronic correspondence than she is.  I've known quite a few people who are much better in person than texting, messaging, emails and voicemails.  They're even better in person than phone chats. 

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Are you sure you like her more or is she of a mindset that the man should do all the chasing?

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Youve been out for 3 months and introduced to family. I would say you are doing good for now

2 hours ago, limichelle said:

Just because she messages you less doesn’t mean she likes you less.

  I tend to agree.

  • Three months isn't very long.
  • Meeting her family is a positive sign.
  • Some people are much better in person. My boyfriend, for example, never ever tried online dating. He is a self-described "live act."
  • Some women (myself included) prefer that the man does the 'chasing.'

Bottom line is that there are many possible explanations for what you are experiencing. Don't rush to the assumption that you like her more than she likes you. That could be way off base.

Edited by Jibralta
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10 hours ago, anononon said:

c) tone it down and give her space .

C. Tone it down. Step back.

12weeks dating is a good time to observe any incompatibilities you have.

What, exactly, is bothering you about her? Lack of affection? 

You're jumping to conclusions .

Meeting family doesn't mean anything other than an introduction. Who texts first is a game playing mindset. 

So your criteria seems more about competition than the quality of the relationship.

Do you like her? Do you see each other regularly and is it fun and satisfying?

 

 

 

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OP, from your last thread, it seemed like your needs weren't being met. Is that still the case? From the last thread you told us that you communicated to her and asked her to be a little bit more active in the relationship. Did she listen to and take that feedback, or do you feel like it has been ignored?

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Paired with your other thread, I'm getting the impression that your anxiety levels are skyrocketing and you're almost always guessing whether this person likes you at all. Only you know deep down whether this has a shot at working out. You both work together in the same place too. Is this worth all that hassle? Why are you so worried about her not liking you as much? If she doesn't like you enough, don't hesitate to move on and date someone else. 

Some part of you is uncomfortable around her and perhaps half of that is coming from you not feeling confident enough about what you bring to the relationship. Why? She is not god's gift to the earth and there are other women out there eventually if this doesn't work out. 

For the time being, keep things neutral, let her know that you like hearing from her and if she doesn't make an effort or isn't in that space in her life to do so or not mature enough or confident even about herself, move on. Don't let this stop you from finding someone else.

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