Lonely, depressed and confused

[Armyguy368]

So, I say lonely and confused for various reason which I will explain below.

One I deal with depression and so many things put me into this state.  I have no real friends.  I have aquaintances, those that were friends but I never hear from them.  I do have one or two friends, but they live about an hour or more away, so I never see them.  The rest I never hear.  I feel I could die tomorrow and they would never know if I passed away.  That is how much I feel disconnected with most of those I know.  

Ok, so I know you are probably saying, that I should reach out the two friends I have.  Well, yes you are correct and I have. But they are married, have kids, and live a different lifestyle.  I am single and as most of those who read this can understand, single people get left in the dust.  Married people find other married people who have kids to hand out with most of the time.  So, I can go four or six months without seeing them.  I didnt even see one of my friends for about 5 years.  I knew that because his son was five and I had seen him five year prior when he told me his wife was pregnant.  I feel friendships or relationships are a two-way street.  I dont live on a one-way street.  I always make the effort, but never see any effort of their part!  So, I tend to forget and move on from my "acquaintances". 

So, I can hear you say, go and make new friends.  I have tried, but somehow I dont make friends very well.  I seem to say the wrong thing and turns them away from me.  It seems my mouth gets me into trouble most of the time.  I am too honest of a person is most likely the issue.  So, I have my parents and that is about it.  They are getting older (78 and 82). So, I am preparing for the time they pass away.  Then I will be very lonely as I have nobody to turn to then.

As for woman, I cant seem to find anybody that is compatable.  I always say (which seems so true) that I meet girls who are too young, too old, married, a lesbian, live too far away or plain not interested in me.  My philosphy is I am water and they are oil, both do not mix with me. I lost two woman I was with because one said I gave her too much attention.  The other one said I did not give her enough attention.  It's a "damn if you do or damn if your dont" scenerio.  I tried going out to meet woman, but not any luck.  I am a fit individual, bald and about to turn 50.  So, its getting to seem hopeless to find someone to spend time with or eventually to marry,  the more I age.  

I am also unemployed and cant seem to find a graphic design job.  I am turning 50 and feel hopeless. I have a two degrees and two professional certificates, but that get me or anyone nowhere.  Experience is what counts.  I cant get a design job because I lack the experience they want.  How do you ever get experience if nobody will hire you?  Expecially when I am turning 50 and ageism is alive and well!!!!! I have said many times, get a degree in basketweaving and then work somewhere to gain experience.  All any employee wants to know if if you have a degree.  Experience is valued more than a degree.  So, I feel I may be working at Walmart just to get money to pay the bills, but I have all these degrees. 

I cant move out of parents place to find an apartment, because you have to show proof of a job with paychecks.  Rent is around $900-$1000 per month.  So, I had to move home because I was removed from where I live so the landlord coudl renovate the place to be able to make more money from the next tenants.  I also had major surgery last year, so with all that going on to include the COVID-19 pandemic, I moved back with my parents. 

So, as you can see I am depressed a lot.  Seems one thing leads to the next.  No job = no real income = cant move out to pay the rent = woman dont want a man that lives with his parents = no dating = depressed, lost and feeling alone. 

 

[SooSad33]

Yeah, I get it... the challenges 😕 .

1)  As for your 'employment', yes, how about you avoid looking at your certification re: something like graphic design. Problem is, sooo many other's also run down this road, as there's a dime a dozen type thing. My son was considering studying something similar, until he was told not to put time & effort into this type of study.

So, maybe do consider a totally different type of work out there ( not sure what's with your surgery- if you can still work okay?).  But, there are all kinds of jobs out there.

2) Friends ... I have a few and my circle is small, but they are more local to me.  I joined a local 'singles' grp. in my big town and I met a decent few, We'd all meet up once a week or something, back a few yrs ago.. go for coffee.. some would do movies.. race tracks, walks, etc.

I also met a cpl friends when I joined a volleyball grp years ago.. Also, my local 'hobby grp' (crochet club).  There's many things out there- especially if you want to meet some friends, locally.  ( If you're on FB, maybe ask about this.. "If' there is a local singles grp, on your local Q&A page).

Is also good if you at least have a hobby or something going on- not just stuck inside watching tv all day.. make sure you get out for some air, take a walk.. do you have a pet?

Last, are you medicated for your anxiety/depression?  I have gone thru a few diff things over the yrs, until I found something that worked for me.. I also did therapy on & off. To vent, learn better coping skills, etc.

[Rose Mosse]

It might be best to consider all your options if any and get back on your feet regardless of where that takes you or leads you. Your confidence will rebuild back after you've regained your personal/financial independence. If you have other skills related to design or business explore that. You may have to work from the bottom up anywhere you go. Don't be afraid of that. 

[Ivoryleague]

Okay, I'm going to give you an idea that may seem out there, but just know it comes from a place of experience. 

 

You should go into business for yourself!!! Start on fivrr and and job boards offering freelance graphic and logo design. I cant tell you how many fbook groups I'm in where people NEED your skills and just cant find you! I say go into business for yourself because a) my confidence and depression flipped and I became a stronger person who was more self capable I cant imagine who I'd still be if I didnt do the same, b) you literally get to be the boss. Dont have the experience? You disagree, and you get to say this is my experience, and also get to grow it on your own. And c) the extra money can be really great even long after you've found a good job.

 

It can be hard meeting people. I'm young and struggle with that too, I would honestly just say go after your hobbies and grow your social circle from there. Once a week make yourself go out somewhere and see what's out there, and then eventually once a week have people over(I understand its the parent home but even still). If nothing else it will help trick yourself into experiencing more.

 

To those I business and life coach going out and experiencing things is the number one thing I suggest, and it always has a positive effect when they start taking control of their life and building. 

 

Dating is hard, I dont know your situation but know there is someone for everyone, sometimes a few people for someone. Maybe branch out, have you considered poly or other relationship types that maybe are more supportive and communicative?