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Heartbroken pls help!


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Hi guys, I’m heartbroken please be gentle with me. Came out of a marriage and my first ever relationship since was a guy I met out of lockdown - we chatted and met when we could during lockdown but honestly had the best 7 months together - something I never experienced in my marriage. He did have a few mental health issues, he was very obsessive and would call me 24/7 and sometimes he struggled tog get out of bed as he was depressed. We live hours apart but called eachother all day and face timed all day and met up half way or at his for a week here and there , meeting him was the best days I’ve ever had (gotta day the sex was *** which gives me confidence he ain’t sleeping around) and After 7 months I asked him what our future plans were and on many occasions he would just laugh and say we get married that’s it. No sensible answer. I arranged on three occasions a FaceTime date to plan what happens next and when we see eachother again etc. He didn’t show. I was so hurt maybe I reacted irrational but I blocked him. As soon as I did his true feelings came out, he left me 200 voicemails saying he loved me he couldn’t lose me, missed me and needed to see me again. I ignored him for a week and took my space then I rang him and said how hurt I was. He was cross saying me ignoring him had triggered him massively and he couldn’t get out of bed, eat or think straight hé Saïd we are too up and down and he is tied between letting me go or pursuing this with caution. I said if he feels like that maybe we should let this go and explained again how his inconsistency hurt me so much that’s why I did what I did. We had a lovely chat last night and agreed we love eachother and would take that time I asked during this time apart we do no contact as I am hurting so much. Within hours he follows and allows lots of girls on Instagram to follow him. We had a pact in our 7 months we would never do that as he said he sees Instagram as a dating site and I agreed. He is blocked on my Instagram and I only found out as a girl he followed was my friend ! I couldn’t help but break no contact and angrily ask how he could do that to which He replied ‘I swear on my families life it’s not how you think, how can I possibly move on when I’m so in love with you’. I didn’t reply . I’m beyond hurt I feel like I’ve been dumped and his moved on so quick. For someone who was crying they love me to this. I’m so so hurt how do I move forward? The pain is so severe I can’t eat. Please help I feel so low

Edited by Georgiamae26
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  • Georgiamae26 changed the title to Heartbroken pls help!
1 hour ago, Georgiamae26 said:

and After 7 months I asked him what our future plans were and on many occasions he would just laugh and say we get married that’s it. No sensible answer. I arranged on three occasions a FaceTime date to plan what happens next and when we see eachother again etc. He didn’t show.

This could  have 'scared him'... being propositioned.

 

1 hour ago, Georgiamae26 said:

I was so hurt maybe I reacted irrational but I blocked him. As soon as I did his true feelings came out, he left me 200 voicemails saying he loved me he couldn’t lose me, missed me and needed to see me again. I ignored him for a week and took my space then I rang him and said how hurt I was. He was cross saying me ignoring him had triggered him massively and he couldn’t get out of bed, eat or think straight hé Saïd we are too up and down and he is tied between letting me go or pursuing this with caution.

Yes, this kind of instability had set you BOTH off.

He's already unstable.. but you can't fix him 😕 .

 

1 hour ago, Georgiamae26 said:

I’m beyond hurt I feel like I’ve been dumped and his moved on so quick. For someone who was crying they love me to this.

Because. IMO, he was not so into it as you were... he's all over the place.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting... when things go badly, yes, it does hurt 😕 .

But, when someone like him is so inconsistant ( all over the place), they are reflecting how they really are.

He is struggling and acting out.  He needs some prof help, if you ask me.  if he is struggling like this.  Last thing he needs is a relationship 😕 . As relationships take energy, communication, respect & expectations - which he can't give.

As for you...  you need to try & accept this re: him.  he is unstable.

Worst thing to do is to give in to messages, begging, push & pull - it's all damaging!  Don't follow, nothing - If you do this, it makes it all harder for YOU to accept things & move on.

Do you have a friend to confide in? Family?  

I know, anxiety is awful 😕 ... If your nerves are too bad, maybe consider speaking with your dr for something to help with that?

Re: you last BU, did you give it some time before jumping into dating again? ( recover from that?) .. You may also want to consider some therapy, so you can 'vent & work through all of these emotional dilema's?

Deep breaths.. is maybe time to turn your focus on yourself for a while.

 

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Slow down. You were emotionally vulnerable when you met this person and he has shown you he's radically unstable.

It hurts now but you'll have to find the strength to see past this. Focus on tying up any loose ends in your marriage if you're still going through a divorce. You didn't say if you were divorced or separated. Don't run away from the things you have to do or are part of your reality. It's tempting but squash that out. It's not worth it in the long run. Stay focused on your betterment and moving forward with people who add to your life and actually show on dates and meetings. You can be more selective about who you choose to add to your life from now onwards. 

I wouldn't let this guy get you down! Give yourself time to move on.

 

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2 hours ago, Georgiamae26 said:

I arranged on three occasions a FaceTime date to plan what happens next and when we see eachother again etc. He didn’t show. I was so hurt maybe I reacted irrational but I blocked him.

You should have stayed at that. Its clear that he is very unstable individual. You cant trust words of someone like that. You wanted more, he couldnt even show up and then when you pulled off he suddenly remembered that he loved you. See how unstable his emotions is? 

 

2 hours ago, Georgiamae26 said:

I’m beyond hurt I feel like I’ve been dumped and his moved on so quick.

Because, again, he is unstable and needs help. You cant rely on a guy like that nore trust what he says. All you can do is get away and be happy that he is not there. Block him on everything and move on. I know its hard after divorce but you cant linger on first guy that showed up. Consider it as something you tried but didnt worked out and move on.

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3 hours ago, Georgiamae26 said:

He did have a few mental health issues, he was very obsessive and would call me 24/7 and sometimes he struggled tog get out of bed as he was depressed. We live hours apart . After 7 months I asked him what our future plans were.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been legally divorced and living alone?

Unfortunately it seems like all the hurt from your marriage/divorce is coming down like an avalanche on you through this rebound relationship.

Sadly you overlooked major red flags, including his "can't even get out of bed" depression, obsessive calling, distance, standing you up, bizarre behavior and talking about "the future" after dating 28 weeks.

Step way back. Perhaps some therapy to unpack and sort out your divorce issues as well as the  issues with poor choices with this rebound. 

Take a break from dating until you are used to single life and sort some stuff out.

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