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Lovers/Friends with benefits while we both in a relationship


kjkjkj123
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I met this guy at work. We got along very well like we known each other for a long time. We started flirting through text for about 8 months. He eventually invited me to have drinks, we had a good time and we had sex that night. The next day we both agreed that we should do it again. The problem is I am married and he's in a relationship. But we agreed is our little private thing. We continue to meet up and have sex and texting each other. We had really good sex each other and really enjoy our time together. He is very nice, sweet and affectionate in person and in text. He will text me if not every day but every other day. He wanted to do all the things that I wanted to do or haven't done enough during sex. Lately, he's been acting weird, not in sense of we just had sex now it's weird. It's more so he's not flirty as much but we still have sex and he is still affectionate. I'm so confused because why would he stop flirting and still text me everyday? Is it because I'm falling for this guy and it's driving me crazy and confusing the *** out of me? Is he at a point that he's comfortable because he got me? We recently had anal sex and our intimacy went to another level. I'm just wondering if he is catching feelings for me or anything? We are good friends and open with each other but I don't think feelings will be the topic to speak about. I just want to understand from a guy's stand point. please help

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27 minutes ago, cocobeans45 said:

I met this guy at work. We got along very well like we known each other for a long time. We started flirting through text for about 8 months. He eventually invited me to have drinks, we had a good time and we had sex that night. The next day we both agreed that we should do it again. The problem is I am married and he's in a relationship. But we agreed is our little private thing. We continue to meet up and have sex and texting each other. We had really good sex each other and really enjoy our time together. He is very nice, sweet and affectionate in person and in text. He will text me if not every day but every other day. He wanted to do all the things that I wanted to do or haven't done enough during sex. Lately, he's been acting weird, not in sense of we just had sex now it's weird. It's more so he's not flirty as much but we still have sex and he is still affectionate. I'm so confused because why would he stop flirting and still text me everyday? Is it because I'm falling for this guy and it's driving me crazy and confusing the *** out of me? Is he at a point that he's comfortable because he got me? We recently had anal sex and our intimacy went to another level. I'm just wondering if he is catching feelings for me or anything? We are good friends and open with each other but I don't think feelings will be the topic to speak about. I just want to understand from a guy's stand point. please help

Could be that he's got a guilty conscience for cheating on his girlfriend but not so bad as to stop you feeding his ego by still having sex with you.

Instead of wondering why he's suddenly "acting weird" maybe it's time for you to examine why you choose to lie and cheat on your husband and why both you and this guy resort to such distasteful behaviour.  Look in the mirror and ask if what you see makes you feel proud.  Hopefully there aren't any children in the mix.

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1 hour ago, cocobeans45 said:

I'm so confused because why would he stop flirting and still text me everyday? Is it because I'm falling for this guy and it's driving me crazy and confusing the *** out of me?

Well....

1) you are both involved.

2) No, he won't 'catch feelings' with sex.

3) You are going about this all the WRONG way! 😕 

Why would you do this to your partner?  And this guy is a friend?  Wow .

If you are not into your own partner, get out of that relationship.

Cheating.. is low 😕 

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He wants to keep his distance because he doesn't want his partner to find out. 

He's not afraid of his feelings. He's afraid of getting caught. You're attaching all sorts of emotional meaning to sex, while he probably is not not.

What are you thinking, OP?

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4 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

I'm so confused because why would he stop flirting and still text me everyday? Is it because I'm falling for this guy and it's driving me crazy and confusing the *** out of me? Is he at a point that he's comfortable because he got me? 

Does it matter? For what it's worth, you're overthinking it. Take a break or stop this altogether as you don't seem cut out for affairs like this. Think of yourself, your marriage and any kids involved. It's not worth this kind of confusion, especially considering how unavailable you both are.  

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From a guys point of you like you asked for:

He chased you, he caught you, he banged you and finally got anal so what is there left?

Love? Not with a woman that cheats on her husband. 

A relationship?  Not when he already has one.

You are a side chick that he only needs to do maintenance on to keep having sex with.

He is probably busy chatting up someone else and only has it in him to be flirty with one side chick at a time.

I don't see this ending well for you

Lost

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8 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

 I am married and he's in a relationship. But we agreed is our little private thing.  We recently had anal sex 

What is missing from your marriage? Is this revenge cheating or just random sex?

Unfortunately it won't be "your private little thing" when other co-workers catch on or your husband finds out.

Edited by Wiseman2
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8 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

I'm just wondering if he is catching feelings for me or anything?

No, he doesnt need to flirt because he already got what he wants. You are his sex scheme, you arange a meeting do the thing and move on. He has a relationship, you have a husband, he wont leave his relationship as much as you wont leave the husband. You dont get what you want in marriage, he wanted somebody to have on the side and that is it. 

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You don't "catch feelings" -you can catch an STD in your situation but not feelings.  You choose to react to romantic feelings and how you react determines next steps/actions.  You two choose to react to being horny and sexually attracted by meeting up for intercourse and cheating on your partners.  He may be acting differently in reaction to feelings of not being sure he wants to continue having intercourse with you or continue your sexual arrangement since he is in a relationship - or simply because he met someone else who he'd prefer to have intercourse with and he doesn't have time to have intercourse with both of you.

  I would avoid the path of reading into this anything other than the two of you choosing the pleasure of intercourse over being faithful - but now one might be making a different choice involving either the partner he cheated on or some other person he'd prefer to have intercourse with.  

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I'm not going to lecture you on having the affair but I think your expectations are too high. He knows you're married so I doubt he would be thinking that he could have an actual relationship with you. He most likely just sees you as his affair lover. He was probably being flirty a lot at the start because he wanted to have sex. Now he actually is having sex with you so he doesn't need to make that much effort anymore.

He doesn't actually have to text you a lot or spend time with you in ways other than sex because you're not dating. If you're going to have an affair then I think you need to be realistic about what this situation actually is. You are both not single so this isn't going to be a relationship or anything special. It's just sex. For special occasions like Birthdays, Christmas and Valentine's Day you won't be together because you're both with other people.

So this thing you have going with him exists only in a limited capacity. Sexual capacity to be exact. If you want to continue it then you need to separate feelings from sex. In this case I don't think he really has feelings for you. If he did he wouldn't have reduced his texting and flirting. 

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17 hours ago, kjkjkj123 said:

He wanted to do all the things that I wanted to do or haven't done enough during sex.

Since you @kjkjkj123did not really tell us anything about your marriage that would cause you to just start casually start having sex with a co-worker. The above sentence from your post might tell you all you need to know. He could be just getting you to do sexual things that his gf won't do with him and that's all he wants. He flirted to get what he wanted and is now getting.

Did you ever talk to BS about the things you wanted to try in the bedroom? Also, since you did not provide any info of the state of your marriage you need to do one of two things: Come clean to your husband about your affair and work it out if he is willing. The other option is to divorce your husband and lay your cards on the table and let your AP how you feel and see if he is willing to leave his gf and commit only to you.

What you are doing now is totally selfish and is not fair to either your spouse I'm not sure how long you been married and together but that doesn't matter you are treating him horrible as is your AP to his girl friend as well.

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Lets just call it what it is...an affair. As time goes on things/emotions/feelings of guilt are going to get complicated. It's a matter of time when he's probably going to get as much as he can out of it and then dump you.

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He's not being as flirty because he got what he wanted - sex.

Try not to overthink this one.  It's fairly simple.  You two are not dating.  He's in it for some side fun.  There won't be any respect on his part.

Please extract yourself from this mess asap!

 

 

 

 

 

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