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Should I break up with him? Also, I am active ignore my username


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Hi everyone! First off I am active, so just ignore my username I can't change it at the moment lol. I really need some advice... Here's some background into my love life...

So I am a 20 year old female and I started dating my first boyfriend when I was 16, my freshman year of high school. We dated for almost 4 years. I broke up with him in my second semester senior year of high school, which was when the pandemic began and we were shut down. We had little to no contact for 4 months, then I reached out to him and at first he didn’t want to get back with me, but then after 3 months of talking we are back together. 

A few months before we broke up, I learned that my boyfriend had received nudes from a random girl from Instagram, and then he sent nudes back. I talked to him and he told me that this girl was random and that he did not know her from anywhere. Not exactly sure if this is true, but it could be. He hid this from me and was ashamed... Fast forward to now... I am back with him and this incident happened again. He received nudes from this girl again, and he flirted with her, but did not send nudes. He said it was nice receiving compliments and it was different. But, he realized he screwed up and blocked her and immediately told me about what happened and he felt awful... Also, he's never met up with any girl in person to hang out, have sex, etc. As far as I know and as long as this is the truth (which I think it is), this is the only kind of infidelity he has done. This is my dilemma. I'm not sure whether I should continue the relationship but I want to. I told him if he really wants something different that he needs to just leave. Thing is, he doesn't want something different. Every day he tells me how beautiful I am and how wonderful I am. He even inserts "I'm gonna marry you" all the time into conversations. I told my mom about it and she said that I need to remember this incident, but also not dwell on it and enjoy my time with him and remember to put school first. But also my parents want me to experience other guys but I don't want to. I love my boyfriend very much and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I tried dating some other guy in between and it flopped. He was not for me. Nowadays, kids are getting married younger and I'm trying to manifest this positivity for myself. I just hope things work out and I can trust him again. I also made a fake Snapchat and texted him on there as a random girl and asked if he had a girl and he said "Yes, I have a girl and she's amazing." I know it was probably bad of me to do that but I did it oops. My boyfriend gets me flowers a lot just because, he comforts me, makes me feel seen, and he has a lot of good qualities, good family, etc. I am a very anxious person and I tend to OVERTHINK all the time. I know on this forum a lot of people are usually like "DUMP HIM," but I want some advice that is positive and helps me to move forward. I know if he does this again, I will end it. I can do that, cuz a 3rd time is ridiculous and I will be done... After I found out about this incident, I was very firm and harsh about what would happen if he did this a 3rd time. Thinking back, that was probably a bad idea to say because he could very well do this again and I would never know... Anyway, when I talked to him in person I think I did an excellence job in communicating my disappointment and anger. I really don't want him to stay with me if he doesn't want to, I want him to want me, and he does. It's all very difficult for me and I find myself getting pissed about it randomly still. Love is about hard work and forgiveness and I know that, but I am irked... I apologize how messy this is but any positive advice would be greatly appreciated.     🙂

Edited by Nolongeractive12
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I would leave this guy in the dust. I realize this is not what you want to hear, but it's the truth: I would be done. 

He is not invested in you the way you are in him, despite his claims to the contrary. Men in love don't do things like this. 

It's just that simple. 

 

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Well I'm not sure what you want people to say. You are an adult, it's your life and you can do what you want. You don't need to do what your parents want because you are a legal adult and nobody really can control what you are doing in your relationships. If you want to forgive your boyfriend again and continue being with him then that is your choice if you want to do so.

I would like to point out though that there is a contradiction in what you've written. You say your boyfriend is so dedicated to you, he's wonderful, he gives you flowers. But if he's so committed to you then why was it so easy for him to begin sending and receiving nudes with some totally random girl online? Why did he care about his sexual gratification more than he cares about you? 

Also I'm pretty sure that posting or sending nudes on Instagram itself is not allowed and you get banned for that. And girls don't just contact a random guy on social media and instantly send nudes. I'm sure a girl would only send nudes if she was engaging in conversations with a guy first. So most likely your boyfriend was having conversations with her and then she sent him nudes on some other platform where it's allowed. E.g. texting, Kik, whatever. So it required effort and engagement on his part to actually get these nudes. Keep in mind he also sent her some back. And the catch it, after he already lost you once, he did it again!

Does it look like this is someone who is really committed to you? I think it doesn't.

 

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I will not tell you to break up. However, I will tell you to be careful. Because 

1) That kind of behavior is not random. Unlike girls(I know a 60 year old woman who gets them on Facebook from random guys), guys just dont get Instagram nudes(or any kind of) from girls without engaging. Second time he told you outright but first time you caught him. So, be careful, that is a red flag

2) From your story you are what its called "high school sweethearts". There is a reason those kind of things dont last. You meet young, you both after want to experience different things, priorities change etc. Heck, he even said he liked the attention he got. I know exactly 2 couples that persisted after high school if you count that you both want college education and not just get married right away. Both of those couples included cheating while they were in college(while other side never found out about it). So, again, be careful.

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On 6/17/2021 at 11:15 PM, Nolongeractive12 said:

He supports me and wants me to succeed... 

Your parents, friends, advisors, teachers, professors, etc. support you and want you to succeed too. However if you feel he's dragging you down, you need to let go.

Make sure he's not your universe or anchor. You'll need more diversified support.

You'll also want to make friends and be free to study more if you plan on challenging academics.

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I'm not sure what you really want. You are pretty much settle in what you are going to do.

Just putting it out there: When you date from a teenager to an adult, you/he will wonder what else is out there. IMO everyone needs to get that experience out of the way before committing to a lifetime with a partner. He's going to do it again and possibly you yourself will fall into something with someone. Temped by the fruits of another as the say. The probability will be high.

Edited by smackie9
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