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frequent anxiety around my partner only?


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So I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 10 months now, but it’s long distance. We see each other about once a month, she comes to stay with me for a week or two and I’ll go stay with her for a week or two back and forth and that’s been going okay as far as keeping our schedules open for each other. 

But for some reason every time I’m with her, I get really anxious to the point where I’m throwing up. The first time I ever stayed with her I was nauseous and unable to eat for the whole week, but then over time it’s gradually only been when we’re about to go to bed. 

I’ll be fine and then all of sudden have to get up and go throw up and I rely on antihistamine medication to stay calm and be able to lay down and watch movies/sleep. It’s also usually worse when we sit down to eat too. 

Its strange because I love her, we’re very comfortable and intimate with each other, but I can’t shake the overwhelming feelings of sickness and anxiety at points when we’re staying with each other. This has never happened in my relationships before and it’s so confusing. Even when I know I’m fine and having a good time my body freaks out, and it doesn’t do that with anyone else. 

Anyone know what’s up? I’m 20 by the way if age is any factor. It’d be nice to hear some outside thoughts 

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It sounds like nerves built up over seeing each other and everything crashing down when you finally do see her. What are other parts of your life like? Going at breakneck speed or go-go-go?

Just how do you see this ldr unfolding in terms of future plans? Is one of you expected to move out to the other eventually?

 

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45 minutes ago, cecilymajors said:

But for some reason every time I’m with her, I get really anxious to the point where I’m throwing up. The first time I ever stayed with her I was nauseous and unable to eat for the whole week, but then over time it’s gradually only been when we’re about to go to bed. 

I’ll be fine and then all of sudden have to get up and go throw up and I rely on antihistamine medication to stay calm and be able to lay down and watch movies/sleep. It’s also usually worse when we sit down to eat too. 

Wow, that's quite a reaction . 😕 

I had something similar with one guy... lasted a month.

A form of anxiety is awful.  And I wonder if it's telling you something?

To be that anxious...

Maybe you just dont feel so comfortable being over at her place.

Is it whenever you go there? Or does it make a difference - just whenever you are together?

 

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Does it happen mostly at her place or yours?

It’s definitely worse at her place. When she was at mine it was just the first few nights and I was okay-ish minus night time for some reason. She has roommates that I get along with but we aren’t super close 

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59 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

It sounds like nerves built up over seeing each other and everything crashing down when you finally do see her. What are other parts of your life like? Going at breakneck speed or go-go-go?

Just how do you see this ldr unfolding in terms of future plans? Is one of you expected to move out to the other eventually?

 

I agree with built up nerves. My life is admittedly a little hectic at the moment in general. But yeah we both want to move to california in the next year or so 

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1 hour ago, cecilymajors said:

I agree with built up nerves. My life is admittedly a little hectic at the moment in general. But yeah we both want to move to california in the next year or so 

It's good to talk to a Dr about these issues instead of prolonging things or self-medicating. It might alleviate your mental stress also getting a professional/healthcare provider involved. Practice better self-care and good diet, get good exercise, keep moving. If you're stressed learn to create quiet spaces and safe zones away from that so your mind easily moves from a high stress or fast paced environment into a different zone. You can't be 'on' all the time. Learn to shut off and practice doing that also before bed so you get a better night's sleep.

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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12 hours ago, cecilymajors said:

It’s definitely worse at her place. 

Do you have allergies to something at her place? Pets, foods they eat, etc.?

Why not stay there less often? 

You're assuming it's nerves but rule out physical causes first.

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Hey, OP. Sorry you are dealing with this. 

It seems that your time with her is the common denominator: that is when you experience your symptoms. Your gut is telling you that something is wrong about the relationship. Perhaps you are denying what that something is. Maybe it is a deal-breaker; maybe it is not.

Is your partner doing something that stresses you out - something that annoys you, worries you, etc.? Or, what about her or the relationship stresses you out? For example, do you think she might not be "the one" (or are you unsure)? Are you physically attracted to her? Do you feel like you are able to communicate as your authentic self?

Let's get to the bottom of this.

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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I was in a marriage for 29 years.  We had children right away so I was busy with them.  Plus, my ex had/has a very demanding job.  He told me early on that he was into BDSM.  Not my cup of tea at all.  That said, he continued to nag me throughout the marriage to partake in scenarios that were very disturbing to me.  I honestly tried to please him.

The kids got older and his requests/demands became more frequent.  It got to a point where I was so stressed because I knew I "had" to partake in things that I found so unsettling that I found it very hard to concentrate on everyday life. I had to plan scenarios for when he was home.   I felt like I was always walking on eggshells in his presence.  It was talking such a toll on me.

I didn't get physically sick but I was in a state of near panic so much of the time.  Perhaps you should write down what is troubling you because it obvious that it has something to do with her, or possibly her surroundings.

I am sorry you are going through this but the sooner you discover what is bothering you, the sooner you can feel better (hopefully).  Also, you might consider seeing a therapist.  That may shed some light on the situation.  Hope you resolve this soon.

(Sorry I concentrated on me but I wanted to tell you what happened to me that caused me to become so highly stressed.)

Edited by goddess
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This kind of extraordinary anxiety has nothing to do with your partner or your relationship, but rather with your own inability to control and regulate your emotions properly.

You haven't experienced it before, because you've never been attached/interested in someone to this extent before.

Anyway, your issues are way beyond the help of advice boards. Please please seek out professional help with this so you can learn how to regulate your emotions and how to have healthy connections and relationships without making yourself ill with anxiety.

Just to be clear, NO you are not ill, weird, or crazy. What you are experiencing is quite common, just more intense and this is where professional help is really a short cut to sort yourself faster and better. It's a lot like having massive talent to throw the football and needing a good coach to finesse your aim to be laser sharp. 

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12 hours ago, DancingFool said:

NO you are not ill.

Only a recommend work up by a physician can determine that. 

OP, see a doctor first, to rule out physical causes for physical symptoms. If it's anxiety, then you can address that as well.

In the meantime stop staying at her place this much or spending this much time together.

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I'd stop playing detective, as it's never wise to self-diagnose and it's only added pressure for you.

Instead, I'd raise it with a doctor and ask about a few things: 1) is there a way to test for allergies or toxic reactions to any products, perfumes or detergents GF is using, 2) is there a medication I can take as a stop-gap measure until I learn the source of the problem, and 3) can he or she recommend a hypnotist who might help me to uncover anything psychosomatic.

I'd also see where else the doc might lead me, too.

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