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Asking out co-workers.


That36guy
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25 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Ask all three to the party and a couple of guys from work too so they will know people there and feel comfortable.

  You are making this a bigger issue than it is.  First off nothing has happened so you are fretting over a possible outcome instead of an actual one.

  Just because you ask people to a party doesn't mean they will attend right?  Ask them and see who accepts and shows up.  Right there that narrows down the field.  Then have fun at the party and make it a point to chat them up and see how they respond.  You should be able to get a read on who is the most friendly and interested. 

Basically you are shooting yourself down before even trying.  Stop making excuses and go for it.  The party is the perfect opportunity so don't waste it.

Asking one of them out and getting rejected is not that big of a deal, how you handle the rejection and treat them afterwards is the key.  They say no thanks and then you continue to treat them with respect and kindness and there is no reason for drama or a bad reputation.  But if you go the other way you screwed yourself in the eyes of all your coworkers.

Be brave and ask them to the party.

Lost

I like where your head’s at. I just worry about inviting them to the party and them hooking up with other guys.

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16 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I like where your head’s at. I just worry about inviting them to the party and them hooking up with other guys.

They could hook up with other guys even if you don't have a party.

You seem to worry about "what if" a lot. That doesn't make for a very fun life.

Have your party, have fun and if you get a date out of it then it's a bonus. Don't spend the entire time fretting or you'll spoil it for yourself.

And make sure you keep the gaming systems powered off. You can't spend the entire party playing games with your buddies or you will definitely get zero dates.

Edited by boltnrun
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14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

They can do that with or without your party so makes no sense.

Well in this case, my three friends are going to be attending and I can guarantee that they'll be looking to find dates there as well. Them sliding in on these women is a very real possibility.

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38 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

They could hook up with other guys even if you don't have a party.

You seem to worry about "what if" a lot. That doesn't make for a very fun life.

Have your party, have fun and if you get a date out of it then it's a bonus. Don't spend the entire time fretting or you'll spoil it for yourself.

And make sure you keep the gaming systems powered off. You can't spend the entire party playing games with your buddies or you will definitely get zero dates.

One of my friends actually suggested a Super Smash Bros. tournament. I'm assuming that the partygoers wouldn't be into that...

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Just now, That36guy said:

One of my friends actually suggested a Super Smash Bros. tournament. I'm assuming that the partygoers wouldn't be into that...

Jeez...

If you want dates you have to stop with the all gaming, all the time, Pokemon card, sit at home eating pizza and watching TV mindset.

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15 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Well in this case, my three friends are going to be attending and I can guarantee that they'll be looking to find dates there as well. Them sliding in on these women is a very real possibility.

Invite enough girls and guys. Ask them to bring dates, invite girls. make sure your party is appealing to girls, ask a female family member how to do that. Not just beer bottles and dudes hanging around.

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Just now, boltnrun said:

Jeez...

If you want dates you have to stop with the all gaming, all the time, Pokemon card, sit at home eating pizza and watching TV mindset.

I get it. I actually voted against the idea of featuring any type of gaming at the party. As it stands, the party is just going to be held in the basement of one of my friend's house (his parents are fine with it as long as the party stays strictly in the basement) and it's going to be a simple matter of playing some music, having some drinks, and just casually hanging around and mingling.

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1 hour ago, That36guy said:

I like where your head’s at. I just worry about inviting them to the party and them hooking up with other guys.

That could happen if you don't invite them and they go out somewhere else right?

Make sure the guys you ask from work aren't as attractive as you are so you will look good compared to them.

Either one of these women are interested in you are not and having other guys around can actually help you.  They may act like drunken fools while you will be cool, funny and interesting.

Make sure you dress and smell nice for the party.  Also ask them questions about themselves and LISTEN then ask follow up questions.  Nothing super personal just get to know you type questions.

Lost

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5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

That could happen if you don't invite them and they go out somewhere else right?

Make sure the guys you ask from work aren't as attractive as you are so you will look good compared to them.

Either one of these women are interested in you are not and having other guys around can actually help you.  They may act like drunken fools while you will be cool, funny and interesting.

Make sure you dress and smell nice for the party.  Also ask them questions about themselves and LISTEN then ask follow up questions.  Nothing super personal just get to know you type questions.

Lost

Well, I just found out that one of these women has a boyfriend, so I guess that helps to narrow it down to the other two.

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See how when you stop trying to control what happens things start becoming more clear?

 A lot of people erect roadblocks in front of themselves including me.  See them before it happens and chose a different path.

  Keep it light and fun when you talk to them.

 Lost

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2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

See how when you stop trying to control what happens things start becoming more clear?

 A lot of people erect roadblocks in front of themselves including me.  See them before it happens and chose a different path.

  Keep it light and fun when you talk to them.

 Lost

I'm still not 100% sure what you mean by this. Could you please explain how this applies to my situation here?

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So are you definitely going to leave the job? If so what you could even do is say to the women you want to ask out that you're thinking of quitting and you'd like to catch up before you leave. Suggest to go for a coffee and see what she says. You don't have to say it's a date.

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Try organizing a little going away event for dinner and get some contacts and keep in touch...could work out

Once I took this guy from Saudi Arabia to his first dance club and he was going nuts seeing all these pretty girls not covered up, so he would go up to one girl and ask for a kiss, she would say no, then he would ask her friend standing beside her, she would say no, and keep on going...until frustrated and gave up :D 

The thing is that girls talk,  it will just backfire if trying to flirt with multiple at the same time when they know eachother...

Edited by mical
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When I was in 7th grade there was a guy who literally went down his list asking the girls "will you go with me?" (a way of asking them to be his girlfriend).  One day in the locker room after gym class we all started comparing notes.  Everyone had said no, of course.  Fortunately I had been towards the beginning; I'm glad I wasn't the last one he asked!  But it was a big joke and made him look like a desperate loser.  He was completely dateless all through high school.

 

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18 hours ago, That36guy said:

I'm still not 100% sure what you mean by this. Could you please explain how this applies to my situation here?

In your original post you listed reasons why asking one of them out could be a problem and also which one to ask.  These are self created roadblocks.

You want to ask one of them out and it is not against the rules and on top of that you plan on leaving this job so there is no reason not to ask.  Now you know one has a bf so that brings it down to just two.  Not being able to decide is another roadblock you are creating.

The more you think about doing it the more you can find reasons not to or at least postpone it.

   It isn't easy I know but it isn't as scary or doom ridden as your mind has made it.   Really what is the worst that could happen? 

The party is a week away so you better get to it.

Lost

 

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11 hours ago, waffle said:

When I was in 7th grade there was a guy who literally went down his list asking the girls "will you go with me?" (a way of asking them to be his girlfriend).  One day in the locker room after gym class we all started comparing notes.  Everyone had said no, of course.  Fortunately I had been towards the beginning; I'm glad I wasn't the last one he asked!  But it was a big joke and made him look like a desperate loser.  He was completely dateless all through high school.

That's the thing... I'm sorry to say it, but even if he were in 7th grade, That36Guy's plan would backfire on him. He's clinging to rules that don't exist for other people. 

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6 hours ago, Jibralta said:

That's the thing... I'm sorry to say it, but even if he were in 7th grade, That36Guy's plan would backfire on him. He's clinging to rules that don't exist for other people. 

What are you talking about?

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1 hour ago, That36guy said:

“Clinging to rules that don’t exist for other people”

I see. In a nutshell:

  • It's not ok to approach a love-interest as you would approach a line of bottles on a wall and "shoot your shot with each of them if the other rejects you." Obviously, you think this is ok. But take my word, other people will laugh at you behind your back. That behavior is for third graders. Really.
  • Your need to "shoot your shot" so urgently and indiscriminately will, in fact, make you look desperate to your coworkers. And believe me, your coworkers will find out about it pretty quickly. Your approach is abnormal and will probably be considered inappropriate. People will talk.
  • Working in the same building as these girls does not improve your chance at getting a date with any of them. They have to want to see you outside of work for you to be able to date them at all. You're better off taking the time to get to know them as people. That way, there's a chance they'll want to see you outside of work.
  • Isolating women from other men does not improve your chances of success with them.
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@That36guy here's the deal. You and your pals co-host this party and invite roughly and equal number of girls to the party.

You make sure it's a party girls would enjoy and that facilitates interaction and conversation. Not just horny dudes drinking beer out of bottles staring at the girls.

At the party itself all of you agree you're not going to creep out the girls by hitting on them. It's that simple.

If you need help/tips ask your female family members about what girls like at a party. Hint: it's not dudes on game consoles drooling at girls.

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Well to be fair men (and women) do multi date and ask out more than one person at the same time. E.g. A man might ask out a woman from online dating but also at the same time a woman he met at a party. If someone is single they can do that because they're not committed to anyone. Of course the key is not to ask out people who know each other and not ask out too many people who all know each other lol  But I don't think it actually makes someone desperate unless they're asking out literally everyone they know because they just want SOMEONE.

In regards to asking out women from work, I would recommend starting with one you like more. If she says yes then you go out and see how it goes. Maybe don't ask out another woman from work at the same time unless it didn't work out with the first one. If you have them on social media it might be better to interact with them there so as to be more discreet.

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On 6/17/2021 at 10:31 AM, That36guy said:

I like where your head’s at. I just worry about inviting them to the party and them hooking up with other guys.

Well then you would have your answer...they were not interested in you. It would save yourself from out right rejection.

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