Jump to content

Asking out co-workers.


That36guy
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I'm in a position where I really hate my current retail job and I very much want to quit. But the problem is that there are a few of my female co-workers whom I'm interested in asking out. Summoning the courage to ask them out is an issue in and of itself, but I also have to figure out how exactly to ask them out.

I'd very much like a shot at at least one of these women and I want to do it sooner than later so as to get things squared away and finally leave this job. But my issue is not only deciding which one to pursue, but also wanting to be careful about asking out co-workers. I know dating people at work is an iffy thing, but my social life with girls isn't exactly thriving and I've figured that I may as well shoot my shot with these women at work.

I want to be careful because I don't want my reputation at work to be the guy who goes around asking out all of his co-workers. We use to have a guy like that and it obviously didn't play out too well for him. Me and some of my friends are throwing a party on Saturday the 26th and I think that I can make something happen there. (possibly asking at least one of these women to attend) I have a good feeling that these women may like me back, but now it's an issue of deciding which to ask out first while also keeping in mind the others just in case I face a rejection. How do you think I should navigate this situation?

Edited by That36guy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Go slow.  Have the party first and give yourself time to decide.  Don't rush nor hurry. 

Do something easy such as meeting for coffee, tea or lunch.  Focus on good friendship first.  Get to know a woman's personality and character first which requires lots of time and patience. 

Navigate the situation by remaining cautious and making whomever you're interested in feel at ease and comfortable.  If you're too eager, you will be perceived as alarming which will result in immediate rejection.  Be methodical in a sincere, gentle, kind, well mannered and extremely respectful way.  Establish trust first which takes time!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Invite the young ladies to the party. Have conversations with each of them (separately, of course). See which one you hit it off with the best. Then ask her out.

And do not drink alcohol. You want to be sharp. Buzzed and silly or sloppy drunk are turn offs.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Me and some of my friends are throwing a party on Saturday the 26th and I think that I can make something happen there. 

Excellent. Ask a handful of male and female co-works and simply take it slow mingle, be friendly etc. Then take it from there, but don't hit on anyone at the party or only invite one or two women from work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Surely there's one you like more than the others....? 

 

I agree.  What does it matter if your going to leave the job anyways?  Plus, it's a bit strange that you don't have a particular favourite woman, your just trying your luck like shooting fish in a barrel.  That's got to make a woman feel special (not).

At least have a favourite to ask first.  Word gets round fast if your just going to hit on all of them.

Have a plan.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, The Invisible Man said:

it's a bit strange that you don't have a particular favourite woman, your just trying your luck like shooting fish in a barrel.  That's got to make a woman feel special (not).

At least have a favourite to ask first.  Word gets round fast if your just going to hit on all of them.

Have a plan.

Agree. Also, what's the rush? You'll still be able to talk to them and get to know them after you leave, won't you?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, The Invisible Man said:

I agree.  What does it matter if your going to leave the job anyways?  Plus, it's a bit strange that you don't have a particular favourite woman, your just trying your luck like shooting fish in a barrel.  That's got to make a woman feel special (not).

At least have a favourite to ask first.  Word gets round fast if your just going to hit on all of them.

Have a plan.

I don't know if I have a "favorite". There's three girls in mind that I'd like a shot at. I could potentially list pros of each girl and narrow it down that way...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

Agree. Also, what's the rush? You'll still be able to talk to them and get to know them after you leave, won't you?

There's no guarantee that I'd get my chance after I leave. I'd rather not bother them while working and I also have to take into consideration their schedules.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, That36guy said:

I don't know if I have a "favorite". There's three girls in mind that I'd like a shot at. I could potentially list pros of each girl and narrow it down that way...

If you want to go out on a date with a woman - then rather than reducing a person to a list of pros simply go with who you think you feel the strongest click with and who you find the most interesting such that you think you’d have a fun and or Inspiring/ interesting conversation with on a date.  When my future husband who was extremely shy asked me out when we worked for the same company he asked me why I chose the industry we were both in - he said later it was important to him that a woman he dated have passion for her work.  I shared a sort of fifteen minutes of fame story from 15 years earlier- when I was a teenager - that had triggered my interest.  He enjoyed the story.  
So that’s an example of him actually being interested in what I had to say about my career goals and that is one reason why I wanted to see him again.  Because I also was interested in him as a person.  

Had I felt his focus was mostly on physical attraction or mindless flirting or generic compliments I likely wouldn’t have seen him again.  But he was interested in me as an individual.  If you feel that way about one of those women then ask her out.  If it’s more of a “they’re all cute so I would date any of them” they likely will get that vibe and not like it much.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

55 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you want to go out on a date with a woman - then rather than reducing a person to a list of pros simply go with who you think you feel the strongest click with and who you find the most interesting such that you think you’d have a fun and or Inspiring/ interesting conversation with on a date.  When my future husband who was extremely shy asked me out when we worked for the same company he asked me why I chose the industry we were both in - he said later it was important to him that a woman he dated have passion for her work.  I shared a sort of fifteen minutes of fame story from 15 years earlier- when I was a teenager - that had triggered my interest.  He enjoyed the story.  
So that’s an example of him actually being interested in what I had to say about my career goals and that is one reason why I wanted to see him again.  Because I also was interested in him as a person.  

Had I felt his focus was mostly on physical attraction or mindless flirting or generic compliments I likely wouldn’t have seen him again.  But he was interested in me as an individual.  If you feel that way about one of those women then ask her out.  If it’s more of a “they’re all cute so I would date any of them” they likely will get that vibe and not like it much.  

Well therein lies the problem for me: Of those three girls, there's two of them whom I click well with and I do genuinely enjoy talking to them, but the third girl is an extremely shy person, not just around me, but in general. I want to get to know this third girl a lot more, especially since I see hints that she may share a lot of interests as me. (Comic books, gaming, etc)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, That36guy said:

There's no guarantee that I'd get my chance after I leave.

There's no guarantee of that now. They have to want to see you outside of work for you to be able to date them. Proximity doesn't guarantee dates.

7 hours ago, That36guy said:

I'd rather not bother them while working and I also have to take into consideration their schedules.

Your only contact with them right now is at work. How can you interact with them now without bothering them at work?

In either case, how do you plan to avoid consideration of their schedules? Won't you have to work around their schedules no matter what?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, That36guy said:

: Of those three girls, there's two of them whom I click well with.

So? Invite those three and a few others.

It's not a date. It's a party. Make sure there's roughly as many guys as girls.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, That36guy said:

Well therein lies the problem for me: Of those three girls, there's two of them whom I click well with and I do genuinely enjoy talking to them, but the third girl is an extremely shy person, not just around me, but in general. I want to get to know this third girl a lot more, especially since I see hints that she may share a lot of interests as me. (Comic books, gaming, etc)

I would see how the party goes -are they friendly with each other?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, That36guy said:

but now it's an issue of deciding which to ask out first while also keeping in mind the others just in case I face a rejection.

Aaahh OP. There's that word again: "rejection".  Truly, you need to realise that rejection is part of life.  You have an awful dread of rejection?  Why?

If someone turns you down, you just move on.  

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I reckon you should hit them up on social media and ask them out online in secret lol If you're going to quit anyway why not just go for it and ask them all out. Do you really care what people at work think if you won't actually be there anymore lol

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

39 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I reckon you should hit them up on social media and ask them out online in secret lol If you're going to quit anyway why not just go for it and ask them all out. Do you really care what people at work think if you won't actually be there anymore lol

What if they talk to each other? None of them will date him if they find out he mass asked them all out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, LaHermes said:

Aaahh OP. There's that word again: "rejection".  Truly, you need to realise that rejection is part of life.  You have an awful dread of rejection?  Why?

If someone turns you down, you just move on.  

 

This time it’s not so much the rejection that I’m worried about, but the potential consequences of asking out more than one co-worker.

If I ask out one of these girls and get rejected, that’s no huge deal, but then asking out others is when word will start to spread and others will begin to see me as the desperate guy who hits on all of his co-workers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I would see how the party goes -are they friendly with each other?

I’m honestly not sure how they all interact with each other. The one is really shy and only really talks to a small handful of friends in her department. Another is really bubbly and seems to go out of her way be friendly with everyone, and the third is kind of a strange mixture of reserved while also still enjoying taking to certain people, myself included.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, That36guy said:

but then asking out others is when word will start to spread and others will begin to see me as the desperate guy who hits on all of his co-workers.

But you would be behaving like a desperate person if you proceed with this "shooting fish in a barrel" technique.

You still haven't addressed my questions:

7 hours ago, Jibralta said:
15 hours ago, That36guy said:

There's no guarantee that I'd get my chance after I leave.

There's no guarantee of that now. They have to want to see you outside of work for you to be able to date them. Proximity doesn't guarantee dates.

15 hours ago, That36guy said:

I'd rather not bother them while working and I also have to take into consideration their schedules.

Your only contact with them right now is at work. How can you interact with them now without bothering them at work?

In either case, how do you plan to avoid consideration of their schedules? Won't you have to work around their schedules no matter what?

 

 

Edited by Jibralta
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

But you would be behaving like a desperate person if you proceed with this "shooting fish in a barrel" technique.

You still haven't addressed my questions:

 

 

Ok, these are all fair questions that I'll have to take into consideration.

But right now, my focus is on how to proceed with asking them out. I don't know if I narrow it down to just one of these women and risk missing out on the others, or just shoot my shot with each of them if the other rejects me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ask all three to the party and a couple of guys from work too so they will know people there and feel comfortable.

  You are making this a bigger issue than it is.  First off nothing has happened so you are fretting over a possible outcome instead of an actual one.

  Just because you ask people to a party doesn't mean they will attend right?  Ask them and see who accepts and shows up.  Right there that narrows down the field.  Then have fun at the party and make it a point to chat them up and see how they respond.  You should be able to get a read on who is the most friendly and interested. 

Basically you are shooting yourself down before even trying.  Stop making excuses and go for it.  The party is the perfect opportunity so don't waste it.

Asking one of them out and getting rejected is not that big of a deal, how you handle the rejection and treat them afterwards is the key.  They say no thanks and then you continue to treat them with respect and kindness and there is no reason for drama or a bad reputation.  But if you go the other way you screwed yourself in the eyes of all your coworkers.

Be brave and ask them to the party.

Lost

Edited by lostandhurt
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...