Jump to content

Is it over?


Recommended Posts

So my girlfriend and I have been having problems. She has a bad relationship history that she never dealt with that was keeping her for being happy and I felt like she wasn’t acting the same and I stated to lose myself. So we decided to take break over a week ago. Her to properly deal with her past and me to find myself again. We both made a lot of mistakes, but I feel like I put a lot of the blame on her. We haven’t talked in a week.  I wrote her a letter apologizing for my mistakes and admitting it wasn’t all her fault, but mine too. I left it on her car to find this morning, but noticed She deleted all our pictures of us on her Facebook last night, but not her ig. But she mostly uses Facebook. My friend says it’s possible she misses you and she deleted them because it hurts. But I feel like it’s over. 

To give more light on subject, her issues were that she would get really jealous, couldn’t communicate well, and would shut down when she gets upset. 
My mistakes were mostly selfish. She was trying to get her life back together with work and the gym and all I cared about was my time with her. Also that I would overthink too much. I apologized for both and admitted that I should’ve been more understanding and supportive towards her schedule.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Danny said:

 I wrote her a letter apologizing for my mistakes and admitting it wasn’t all her fault, but mine too. I left it on her car .

It's unclear why you would do this rather than talk. Did she block you? 

Be careful with letters on cars. This could be construed as stalking and she could easily take it right down to the local police.

Is this the same girl?:

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear why you would do this rather than talk. Did she block you? 

Be careful with letters on cars. This could be construed as stalking and she could easily take it right down to the local police.

Is this the same girl?:

 

Yes it’s the same girl 

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feeling sad and anxious and missing someone is only one aspect of breaking up. It doesn't mean that actually getting back together is a good idea. 

While that's good of you to acknowledge your mistakes or flaws, it's too over the top to be leaving letters like this. Withhold any of this and don't leave any letters, texts or gifts. At this point it's not appropriate. Best to accept that this is over.

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Feeling sad and anxious and missing someone is only one aspect of breaking up. It doesn't mean that actually getting back together is a good idea. 

While that's good of you to acknowledge your mistakes or flaws, it's too over the top to be leaving letters like this. Withhold any of this and don't leave any letters, texts or gifts. At this point it's not appropriate. Best to accept that this is over.

 

I was originally going to mail it. However she lives with her mom. And by the way the she describes her mom I didn’t want her to find it, open it, and throw it away. And we don’t have any mutual friends. 

Edited by Danny
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the problem is that your reasons for taking a break were far too general - the "I need to find myself" and "I need to properly deal with my past" are not the sort of things a couple really committed to each other would be satisfied with as specific reasons to take a break.  What were you seeking to find that you couldn't do if she was in your life?  Why couldn't she seek therapy or counseling to "properly" deal with her "past" while dating you? When you did get specific in your post that seems to me the sorts of issues that a couple either deals with together or breaks up - not just "taking a break" - a break isn't going to change anything about those issues. 

I took a break once for a month -no contact, no dating others.  I was feeling doubts about the relationship and thought time on my own - to let things settle without feeling guilty about being with him while feeling doubts- would help. . It did sort of. i missed him a lot, felt like I appreciated him a lot more but the doubts returned shortly after we ended the "break".  I actually do think a break -without dating others and with no contact -can help a couple get perspective, some breathing room but the reasons you gave at first was just hopelessly general/stuff of psychobabble and to me the specifics require either working it through together or ending the relationship. I'm sorry you are having these struggle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nah it's not over yet. Just wait for her to reach out even if it takes a few weeks. You wrote her a letter, so there is no need to say anymore otherwise it will make the words you say less valuable..

If she was really jealous, she has feelings for ya, and will definitely get back as long as you just continue with your life etc and wait a bit...

but you just gotta ask yourself if its worth it and if she brings anything valuable into your life..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

24 minutes ago, Danny said:

I was originally going to mail it. However she lives with her mom. And by the way the she describes her mom I didn’t want her to find it, open it, and throw it away. And we don’t have any mutual friends. 

Why would you want to be with someone whom you've described as manipulative and jealous? Is this a type that you're attracted to? It's dysfunctional. Take some time to figure out what attracts you to this because you are just as dysfunctional around it. 

She's not the only woman on the planet. You will meet new people eventually if you give yourself the chance. Don't make any moves at the moment and rethink whether any of this is good for you or whether you're responding to the motions of the break up. Give yourself a few months to cool off and get your feet back on the ground. Someone who causes this much issue and grief in your life is probably better off completely out of it. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Rose Mosse said:

Why would you want to be with someone whom you've described as manipulative and jealous? Is this a type that you're attracted to? It's dysfunctional. Take some time to figure out what attracts you to this because you are just as dysfunctional around it. 

She's not the only woman on the planet. You will meet new people eventually if you give yourself the chance. Don't make any moves at the moment and rethink whether any of this is good for you or whether you're responding to the motions of the break up. Give yourself a few months to cool off and get your feet back on the ground. Someone who causes this much issue and grief in your life is probably better off completely out of it. 

Honestly thanks, feels like I needed to hear that. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

As you stated last time:

 I thought is having time apart will do us some good. And things were good again however my girlfriend mood swings eventually got in the way. Things didn’t get better, she made me feel under appreciative and bad about myself. And she was bit manipulative. So I broke things off. She acted like she didn’t care at first, but later stated texting me.

..

I feel you two just have a LOT of internal problems and neither are able to make this a success.

Her moods, your neediness - no respect towards each other, instead, a lot of instability in a very short time span 😕 

So, this can't work between you two with all of your underlying issue's.

Is best to just back away, leave her to deal with her own issue's and you also focus on yours.

If things went downhill in such a short time, I think it is showing you that you two can't make this work.

Maybe aim at accepting this now and work on yourself a good while.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, OP. Sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. 

First, what does "take a break" mean for the two of you? Are you currently together or are you not? 

Second, do you want to be with her or not? Sure, sounds like you both have issues to sort out. I second Batya33 - if you want to be together (your letter suggests you do) what, specifically, do you need to work on that could not be resolved while together? Are there any deal-breakers such that, even if you want to be together, you know you it is for the best that you stay apart?

Edited by Pleasedonot5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Danny said:

Yes it’s the same girl 

OP, reading through your last thread and this one? This relationship is dead in the water. 

This is way too much drama for such a short relaitonship. It was never going to last, man. Sorry. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...