advice needed abused by my mentally unstable older sister

[heehee06]

first of all thank you for your time and, my english may not be that good but im gonna try my best

im a 15 year old girl and i have a 4 years older sister (19) who literally starts punching me on the face and pulling my hair whenever i ask her to, for example; move away when im sweeping the floor or when i ask her to clean the mess she made with food on MY bed... like im not even asking her to do me a favor she just refuses to act like a decent human being, she takes "dont tell me what to do" to a whoooooole new level.. she gets so easily offended by literally nothing and thats her biggest insecurity i once called her a snowflake and she almost broke my nose lmao i regret nothing. and because of what. because she pushed me away when i was sitting next to her holding the laptop, reading the news about the BTS meal, and i asked her to search for the price and she got offended thats why i called her a snowflake and she was TRIGGERED 🙂 when it comes to decent respect to family members or people in general, shes a complete a*hole. shes not participating in the chores (i always have to do her part of the chores) plus she always act like we owe her something; using my things without permission and throwing it on the floor when i want it back... and much more.

our little sister is 12 and she never interacts with her cuz she knows how of a psychopath she is, and our older sister sometimes try to pick on her as usual but i often stand up for her because im the one who knows her weaknesses and i just cant let her win. this s**t didnt happen overnight, she used to abuse me physically and emotionally when we were kids and i learned how to use it all against her, shes just projecting her insecurities on others and i make sure shes always reminded of how weak she is to act like that.. sounds manipulative i know, shes one of the mostly people on earth that i have 0 empathy left for her, i would say that is my coping mechanism, i always win at argument, so her only comeback is the hitting and thats the only thing she wins at, but that doesnt affect me as much as it affects her, i dont really feel anything when she hits me it just gets old.. no f*cks left to give thats it, and i know how much words trigger her so i would never keep my mouth shut bcz i can 🙂 neither of us is mentally stable at this point, but i try as much as i can not to let people go through what ive gone through, something she does the complete opposite of, and i love making the people of her kind have a taste of their own medicine

the most important part, are my parents paying attention to this? yes and no. i feel like theyre doubting themselves for her being like this, because... no need to sugar-coat this, child abuse is so normalized in our culture and my older sister was so mentally affected by which made her ego so fragile...

are they doing anything to help? hear me out, when my sister and i get into a fight im "the only one who they can communicate with, safely" and i just need to ignore her because "im more mature"... like she always throws a tantrum like a f*cking 2 year old, crying and screaming whenever they try to discipline her saying that "they are the reason why she is like this" no b*tch stfu youre just a snowflake and you trying to make us feel bad while youre the one who always starts it off and tries to get away with it like a weak ass bi*ch like how can any parents expect and consider the victim who is also the youngest, to be more mature? how does that make you feel about yourself as a f*cking 19 year old? it bother me most when i see them not incharge of all of this, it makes me think: "when is she going to cmmit dead and leave us all in peace?"

i even get death threats from her and i get bruises on my body and my scalp is hurting af its literally a miracle that she didnt break any bone in my body yet and MY PARENTS ARE NOT HELPING I SWEAR SOMEDAY IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE

[SooSad33]

So, she has a MAJOR attitude 😕 .  Her way of 'expressing' herself is in the wrong - she needs help in self control and her responses.. 

 

Is a real shame that your parents did not try to deal with all of this when she was younger?  Obviously they were aware- but never tried to get her some type of help?  Sadly, I feel this has just left her so lost.  Because it is obvious that she is struggling in so many ways - and 'venting' out at other's.

One thing you might consider ( and be serious about) is informing her that should she go at you again, the police can be informed, as she is abusing you!

You do not need this.. no one does 😕 .  She needs to learn to 'vent' in different ways.

And try not to provoke her.  (as you do know her triggers?).

her being commited a while might be good for her.. She needs to be analyzed for this.  Because it is not normal nor acceptable.

 

[Wiseman2]

Tell your parents. It's that simple.

[heehee06]

On 6/15/2021 at 10:02 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Tell your parents. It's that simple.

i do all the time and they say i just need to ignore her cuz they themselves dont even know what to do with her... my mom once told me the only solution left is to kill her and this broke my heart... sh*t got this intense.

 

[heehee06]

On 6/15/2021 at 5:04 AM, SooSad33 said:

So, she has a MAJOR attitude 😕 .  Her way of 'expressing' herself is in the wrong - she needs help in self control and her responses.. 

 

Is a real shame that your parents did not try to deal with all of this when she was younger?  Obviously they were aware- but never tried to get her some type of help?  Sadly, I feel this has just left her so lost.  Because it is obvious that she is struggling in so many ways - and 'venting' out at other's.

One thing you might consider ( and be serious about) is informing her that should she go at you again, the police can be informed, as she is abusing you!

You do not need this.. no one does 😕 .  She needs to learn to 'vent' in different ways.

And try not to provoke her.  (as you do know her triggers?).

her being commited a while might be good for her.. She needs to be analyzed for this.  Because it is not normal nor acceptable.

 

currently we cant afford therapy or any psychological help.. what should we do?

[Lambert]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  And your little sister. If you can't trust your parents to protect you,  are you ready to go to another adult? like a teacher or school counselor? 

It's a big step but might be your only option. Her behavior is NOT OK Your parent's behavior is NOT OK. You deserve to be in a safe place protected from abuse regardless of who is doing it. 

I have siblings and to be honest, when we all lived at home, if one of then started with me, I would hit them back. 

Maybe take a cue from your little sister and avoid your older sister. tell her stay away from you,  that you don't like her abusing you.  

This whole thing is super disturbing.  and shame on your parents. I'm sure it's hard but they are the parents. 

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, heehee06 said:

currently we cant afford therapy or any psychological help.. what should we do?

YOU can't afford it?  Do you guys not have some type of gov't assistance... because when someone is 'in crisis', usually someone of authority can kick in.

How about getting her out, on her own?  Does she work?  If not, is there no gov't assistance?  

Because, if reported, something may occur where either SHE get removed from the premises or you two sisters need to be removed - is called 'protecting the vulnerable', kinda thing.. because of FACT: there are people in the home being abused.

There is NO reason you should be treated like that!  Or anyone else.

IF you were to 'report' her, yeah, I'm sure police can step in and remove her...etc. ( Maybe at that point, she could be put away for 'analysis' (something like 72 hours @ hospital)... Because she is seen as someone who is a 'danger to self or others'.

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, heehee06 said:

.. my mom once told me the only solution left is to kill her 

Heehee. What are you talking about?

[Cherylyn]

Tell your parents and if your parents aren't home, call the police. 

[1a1a]

With that little knowledge from your parents it’s sad but not surprising that she is like she is. 
 

Of course she can be helped but she needs mental health care. While you have no control over what she does, you can control your own actions. I think in your shoes I would interrogate myself, why do I want to get a rise of of/get the better of this highly hostile and antagonistic person I have to live with? How does my life change if I go grey rock (as boring as a grey rock) in my interactions with her? What can I do to move out of this house? 
 

I have a friend who moved out of home at 16 because the house was crowded and his younger brother was like your older sister. 

I’m sorry you have to navigate such volatility in your own home and wish you luck and patience.