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Moving into boyfriends home


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I am 60, own my own hone ( which i had planned on selling next month when my youngest moves out west) i met my boyfriend after my I had made this decision. He owns his own home and has asked me to move in with him. We have worked out bills, chores, etc.

He rents the bottom if his primary home during the months of June through September-to the same couple for the last 4 years. I am a private person and have told him i like my privacy and would not want others living in there.- next year.

i would financially compensate him tor the amount he would not get. We are both financially secure. He says we will see they may not want to come back.Honestly am i being unreasonable? This would. be a major move on my part. Thanks! 

Edited by Djsmmtja
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why not have him move in with you and he rents the rest of his house out. So if anything changes he can move back and he still has his regular renters.

It would be different if you two were married. You are just BF/GF. He shouldn't have to kick out his renters. If it doesn't work out, he will be scrambling to find new renters that are reliable.

I say keep the money in your pocket. BTH you are slitting hairs over them being there for 4 months, when you will have 8 months to yourselves.

Edited by smackie9
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My house is  large with a large property to maintain. His is smaller and suited for 2 people. The issue is i basically do not want to have people living in the basement of the house during  the summer. I am able to pay for any lost income as well as bills we agreed upon., and have told him that. I just dont feel

i am being unreasonable to ask for him to not have someone live there next summer

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15 minutes ago, Djsmmtja said:

I am 60, own my own hone ( which i had planned on selling next month when my youngest moves out west) i met my boyfriend after my I had made this decision.

How long do you know each other? Where will you move if it doesn't work out?

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My house is  large with a large property to maintain. His is smaller and suited for 2 people. The issue is i basically do not want to have people living in the basement of the house during  the summer. I am able to pay for any lost income as well as bills we agreed upon., and have told him that. I just dont feel

i am being unreasonable to ask for him to not have someone live there next summer

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long do you know each other? Where will you move if it doesn't work out?

Ive known him 6 months- yes i could move out of his house, however after selling my house furniture etc( that would not fit in his house. I just dont know if i am being unreasonable asking  him to  Not rent it next summer.as there woukd be no loss of income  to him. I dont think so but am i wrong?

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19 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

why not have him move in with you and he rents the rest of his house out. So if anything changes he can move back and he still has his regular renters.

It would be different if you two were married. You are just BF/GF. He shouldn't have to kick out his renters. If it doesn't work out, he will be scrambling to find new renters that are reliable.

I say keep the money in your pocket. BTH you are slitting hairs over them being there for 4 months, when you will have 8 months to yourselves.

I didn't ask him to kick out his renters - they rent 4 months out of the year and are wealthy and  own a winter home. I am willing to pay him income lost in addition to what we agreed on for expenses- i am asking not to rent Next year. He has also  asked  ne to marry him so its not a casual relationship 

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Well you need your own space. At 60, you might need it even more.

How about test-driving this? Could you stay for a couple of weekends while they are there and see if it does or not get on your nerves?

It personally would on mine, as I like my space too. So, I understand where you're coming from. But, as people mentioned, he relies on this money so it's a tricky situation.

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11 minutes ago, Djsmmtja said:

Ive known him 6 months-. 

Huge mistake. On so many levels from rushing into this to telling him what to do in his own house.

Just downsize and find your own place, there's already conflict after 28 weeks of dating.

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8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Huge mistake. On so many levels from rushing into this to telling him what to do in his own house.

Just downsize and find your own place, there's already conflict after 28 weeks of dating.

100% ^ this.

Do not move in with someone you haven't known for at least the full 4 seasons so to speak. Holidays, family, traveling, etc, etc, etc. See how they handle stress and so on. Get to know someone for at least a year or more before you even consider living together.

You are already encountering some pretty big differences in how open you both are to people in the home, privacy, etc. Consider that is just tip of the iceberg.

As for your specific question about whether compensating him is reasonable....yes and no. Yes in that it's reasonable to pay him to make up for the lost income. Reasonable, but not advisable. No, in that this is a long standing mutual relationship that you would be breaking up, so it's not just about the money today. If your relationship falls apart, he'll lose the income and both of the relationships, yours and theirs and that's not reasonable at all.

Your money would be much better spent downsizing into your own place and continuing to see him and see how it all goes with time and really take that time to get to know each other properly. Perhaps at some point it will make more sense for him to rent out his house completely and move in with you instead. Assuming things are going well and it all works for the both of you. Can also be that you'll be glad you have your place as you part ways. 

At this point it's better that you keep your own space and invest in that.

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You both don't know each other very well. Date for a few years. Don't accept a marriage proposal and keep your house. Stay put and bide your time. What is the rush? 

Why would you give up your security at this late stage for this person you've known for six months who has renters you disagree with? He may have an existing relationship with renters or they've supported each other in the past. There are ties there you may not know enough about or they are as close as family or other kin or perhaps even friends or family friends. 

Take your time.. see how things go. 

 

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32 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Well you need your own space. At 60, you might need it even more.

How about test-driving this? Could you stay for a couple of weekends while they are there and see if it does or not get on your nerves?

It personally would on mine, as I like my space too. So, I understand where you're coming from. But, as people mentioned, he relies on this money so it's a tricky 

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Just now, Djsmmtja said:
32 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Well you need your own space. At 60, you might need it even more.

How about test-driving this? Could you stay for a couple of weekends while they are there and see if it does or not get on your nerves?

It personally would on mine, as I like my space too. So, I understand where you're coming from. But, as people mentioned, he relies on this money so it's a tricky 

Ive been there a few weekends, they come up on the upper deck , use the  pontoon , etc. Im fine with this year -he made a commitment. If he was dependent on the income it wouldn't be an issue but he is not and i have told him and he is aware that i have the money to pay for the full amount he would losers . What bothered me is - we will wait and see if they come back next year. Honestly if you ask me to marry you, move in, i sell my house, possessions i don’t understand his response.

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36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Huge mistake. On so many levels from rushing into this to telling him what to do in his own house.

Just downsize and find your own place, there's already conflict after 28 weeks of dating.

Sorry if i sell my house move in with him it would be our house- according to him. I asked a simple question- if i pay him the amount he would lose, move in with him( not to save money) could you nit rent next year. Obviously if we live together share bills expenses, taxes it would now be Our home. 

 

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22 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

100% ^ this.

Do not move in with someone you haven't known for at least the full 4 seasons so to speak. Holidays, family, traveling, etc, etc, etc. See how they handle stress and so on. Get to know someone for at least a year or more before you even consider living together.

You are already encountering some pretty big differences in how open you both are to people in the home, privacy, etc. Consider that is just tip of the iceberg.

As for your specific question about whether compensating him is reasonable....yes and no. Yes in that it's reasonable to pay him to make up for the lost income. Reasonable, but not advisable. No, in that this is a long standing mutual relationship that you would be breaking up, so it's not just about the money today. If your relationship falls apart, he'll lose the income and both of the relationships, yours and theirs and that's not reasonable at all.

Your money would be much better spent downsizing into your own place and continuing to see him and see how it all goes with time and really take that time to get to know each other properly. Perhaps at some point it will make more sense for him to rent out his house completely and move in with you instead. Assuming things are going well and it all works for the both of you. Can also be that you'll be glad you have your place as you part ways. 

At this point it's better that you keep your own space and invest in that.

Thank your response it makes the most sense.  I had planned on selling my home before i met him and traveling before deciding on a location . The pressure is from him for me to move in, get married, You are absolutely right- i will look for my own place- if its meant to be it will be. Thank you.

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5 minutes ago, Djsmmtja said:

Thank your response it makes the most sense.  I had planned on selling my home before i met him and traveling before deciding on a location . The pressure is from him for me to move in, get married, You are absolutely right- i will look for my own place- if its meant to be it will be. Thank you.

You are very welcome.

That kind of pressure at just barely 6 months is quite a big red flag, especially the marriage thing. Nope, nope, nope. Go with your original plans - travel, get your own place. Travel together and see how that goes and what comes up. Take your time getting to know him before any big commitments and if he has a problem with that.....all it will tell you is that you were right to pump the brakes.

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21 minutes ago, Djsmmtja said:

Obviously if we live together share bills expenses, taxes it would now be Our home. 

 

Not according to the law. Is he telling you these lies?  if so Run. 👟👟

What you need to do is talk to your estate attorney,  realtor, CPA, financial advisor and trusted adult family.

Legally you would be a tenant without a lease and your income would increase his net worth while your money goes out the window. 

That means if he finds your (quite unreasonable)demands annoying he can boot you out with 30 days notice. 

Even if you marry, it's not yours because he acquired it prior to marriage unless he puts you on the deed, not just makes you pay taxes, mortgage, etc.. 

What's the rush? Get a condo. Put your furniture in there. No nosy neighbors, no being a tenant, housekeeper, etc.

Edited by Wiseman2
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ya I agree give this more time. You really don't even know if you can handle living with him. Most people are on their best behavior during the first year. As for finances, get a prenup before moving in with him if you plan to, to protect your own assets. If marriage is a go, it would be better to buy a place together, and make it both your investment equally.

Edited by smackie9
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21 hours ago, Djsmmtja said:

Ive known him 6 months- yes i could move out of his house, however after selling my house furniture etc( that would not fit in his house. I just dont know if i am being unreasonable asking  him to  Not rent it next summer.as there woukd be no loss of income  to him. I dont think so but am i wrong?

I think you are wrong.  It's his house, he's got an arrangement with the tenants, and who are you to tell him who can or cannot live in his house short term?  You certainly haven't been with him long enough to have such. major input into what he does or doesn't do.  

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