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Uncomfortable with Boyfriend's Best Friend


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My current s/o and I (31F) have been dating for a little over 7 months and so far everything between us is going great! 

However, I have concerns about his Best Friend. He (30M) and his Best friend (32M) have known each other since college and are extremely close. They have even always made it a point to live in the same apartment complex as each other, though have never been roommates (live down the hall/same building).

Even though we have been in a relationship for 7 months, I have only ever met his best friend twice. When I ask about this, my boyfriend just says that his friend is not very social and prefers to hang out one-on-one with just him. I can understand that to some degree, as well as his friend being single doesn't want to feel like a third-wheel. It just strikes me as odd because my two best friends are actually a couple (friends with her for years, she started dating a guy and I became close friends with him) so on some level I feel like you just deal with being odd man out to support your friends.

I just find it very odd that there has been no effort for me to get to know his best friend when he has met/hung out with my friends many times

Edited by SmokeMirrors
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1 hour ago, SmokeMirrors said:

. It just strikes me as odd because my two best friends are actually a couple (friends with her for years, she started dating a guy and I became close friends with him) so on some level I feel like you just deal with being odd man out to support your friends.

Ok, why does this bother you? What, exactly, don't you like about your BFs friend?

It seems like your relationship is the problem.

It's unclear why you want to micromanage his friendships and who he hangs out with.

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Eh, maybe it's a bit strange but I personally would not sweat it. But since it bothers you, I would examine why that is, exactly:

Are you worried your boyfriend is ashamed of you?

Are you worried they are hiding something from you? 

Are you worried your boyfriend is keeping you out of his personal life because he doesn't take this relationship very seriously?

 

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3 hours ago, SmokeMirrors said:

my boyfriend just says that his friend is not very social and prefers to hang out one-on-one with just him. 

Well, I think that really says it all.

3 hours ago, SmokeMirrors said:

I feel like you just deal with being odd man out to support your friends.

No, actually. That might be true of you, and therefore what you expect of other people. But it's not how everyone is. 

Why are you so worried about his friend?

Edited by Jibralta
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You fear that your bf might react in a similar way?

Not unless he's like that as well. But, sounds like his buddy has an anger problem 😕 .

And your bf's 'reaction' to it all could be a way for him to accept what is.   People don't always know what to say or how to react, knowing stuff like this... As long as he's not in the line of fire, is good.

BUT, I wonder why no one has mentioned to this guy to seek some prof help- that this behaviour is NOT good!

\

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SooSad, a persons doesnt necessarily have a problem because they prefer a one on one friendship with another person!  I am like that to a degree, I dont need a bunch of people around me to be happy or fulfilled or anything else.

I think the OP is trying to micromanage this guy and that she needs to mind her business.  If the guy is happy and doesn't have problems functioning in the world, who are we to say he's got issues?

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Unless you're married to him or in a long term relationship the idea that you'll personally know/meet ALL of his friends is unrealistic and kind of unreasonable. 

You're making it seem like you're trying to meet everyone important in his life when in reality you're just being nosy. It sounds like you're suspicious over the fact that he's close to another individual (close enough to move to the same spot) and you want to size up this other individual you're boyfriend is spending time with because you want to determine if he's worthy of all the attention he's taking from you. 

I understand your best friends got together and it became a triad friendship but not everyone WANTS that kind of friendship. Some people prefer to have their own friends outside of their partner. If you become best friends with his friend, where will he go when he needs advice or emotional support when it comes to you guy's relationship? 

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It's only seven months. Take it easy. This is your time to observe whether your boyfriend is the right match for you.

He accepted your friends so why can't you accept his? Is the relationship stale or boring? See how things go and make up your mind about whether this is a person you'd rather date at all. 

 

 

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So as a guy who is in a similar position to your BF's friend, I would rather not hang out with my friend and a new GF. Why? It's less a third wheel, and more I have things I'd rather do with friends or on my own than get to know someone who may not stick around or that I may not connect with. Making friends can be exhausting for some people.

Heck I am going to be the best man at my best friend of 30 years' wedding, and I have only briefly spoken with his fiance. She is nice, makes him happy, and that's all I need to know. I'm guessing this guy is similar.

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1 minute ago, Coily said:

Making friends can be exhausting for some people.

It's exhausting for me, lol!! And I have lots of friends, but only the ones that require almost no maintenance. Cactus friends.

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You seem to be seeing something wrong when there isn't anything outward causing this.

There is more to this than you are letting on.

You met him twice so you know he is real and not a woman.  They have been close friends for years so he must be a solid guy right?

  Offer to cook dinner at your bf's place and tell him to invite his buddy. Guys rarely turn down a free home cooked meal.

Lost

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