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Is he serious ?


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I moved in on my boyfriend 6 months ago and he in 42 never married. He paid for my breast surgery, and is putting up a barn and got us 3 horses so we can ride. He got it for me because I really wanted to ride horses.  It is very expensive investment, we are talking 150k. He is very wealthy, he book us a trip in 2 months... He wanted to buy me a new car but we got into argument about other girl etc. I need someone’s advice, I need someone to tell me that he is serous and committed to this relationship... He is talking about the future, marriage and he already chose the name of a baby girl. I have trust issues ... because he messed up. He gave me a timeframe for our relationship progression... he works from home so we spent time together and have been together 99% of time over the last 4 months... is something wrong with me for having those thoughts ? 

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Nothing is wrong with you.  

But maybe your gut is telling you something.  Expensive, material gifts can never be a replacements for feelings of trust, loyalty, commitment.  

I realize these things he has given are expensive and imply commitment but wealth a lot like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  These things may not have the same significance to him as they are to you.  

4 months is way too soon to live with someone or to agree to marriage and children.  That in itself is a red flag.  Why the rush?  

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Why did you make a major decision like moving in with a man when you have so many reservations about the relationship? How long did you date before moving in? Boob jobs cost upwards of 25,000 dollars. Why would you accept such an expensive gift from someone who it seems you barely know? What do you mean he messed up? If he cheated on you, those are his poor ethics which he has a rare chance of changing. Why would he? You're still there, aren't you? He picks women with low self-esteem who will be doormats so he can have his cake and eat it too.

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Serious about him being your SugarDaddy and you being Trophy Wife? Yes

Serious about him loving you and being commited to you? No

From what youve told, it seems like a type of SugarDaddy/TrophyWife trope. That means him buying you expensive stuff while you sit at home and take care of his children. While he would most probably cheat around with anything that moves and wants him. Neverthless you seem to agreed to his game(breast augmentations, horses, even talks about his plans for you etc) so good luck leaving now lol. 

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1 hour ago, Juliaqaa said:

got us 3 horses so we can ride. He got it for me because I really wanted to ride horses.  It is very expensive investment, we are talking 150k. He is very wealthy, he book us a trip in 2 months... He wanted to buy me a new car but we got into argument about other girl etc. I need someone’s advice, I need someone to tell me that he is serous and committed to this relationship... He is talking about the future, marriage and he already chose the name of a baby girl. I have trust issues ... because he messed up.

All of this in 6 months? 😮 

Sounds like he is just desperate.... and a name for a little girl?  Really?

What's with another girl & your 'trust' issues?

IF it has only been less than a year, it's too much 😕 .. You can't 'buy' someone's love.. and a relationship needs to 'build'... So, if you have trust issue's..

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Everyone, I was a professional athlete and I am working on my mba in finance. I day trade ... ok ? I met him and I guess things went that way... I am 31. I am fit, speak few foreign languages... I am not uneducated or accomplished. I need some good advice... 

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How long have you been together/dated?

If there was infidelity involved, that's a big red flag. Next thing you know, you have a kid and live in a big house and he goes cheating on you.

Your gut feelings are telling you it's a bit too much. Explore them or write here as to why you feel it's too much. What are your doubts/concerns? How do you feel about being in a committed relationship with him for 5 or 10 years down the line? Have you seen/brushed off any other red flags?

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10 minutes ago, Juliaqaa said:

Everyone, I was a professional athlete and I am working on my mba in finance. I day trade ... ok ? I met him and I guess things went that way... I am 31. I am fit, speak few foreign languages... I am not uneducated or accomplished. I need some good advice... 

Day trading rarely results in a living wage or steady income or financial stability.  It's surprising that someone with an MBA would see a financial commitment by a romantic partner as a sign of emotional commitment.  Education doesn't mean skilled in common sense and I'm not seeing a lot of common sense in your decisions or outlook.

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3 hours ago, Juliaqaa said:

I need someone to tell me that he is serous and committed to this relationship. 

No one here can tell you that, and honestly from what you've said it doesn't sound good.  He gave you a "timeframe for your relationship progression"?  What does that mean?  Does he ever ask your opinion on anything or does he just give orders and control you with his money?

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Surely a 40-something wealthy man has been with lots of women, and if he moved you in that quickly you weren't by far the first one he's done that with.  I'd be curious to know what their experience has been.

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3 hours ago, Juliaqaa said:

 I need someone to tell me that he is serous and committed to this relationship.

Only he can tell you that.

Plastic surgery, horses and barns (which are his anyway) playing baby name games, planning trips, etc. are all fun. So is playing house. 

What do you mean by "serious"? 

If he wanted to marry you he would say so/do that and buy you a diamond rather than silicone.

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You ought to give us more details before anyone here can even attempt to properly assess the situation.

You got into an argument about another girl, what was that argument about exactly? What happened with the other girl?

He messed up, how did he mess up exactly?

 

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What is your time frame for the relationship?  Who's idea was the boob job?

My opinion is:

He knows what he is doing.  Boob job, expensive gifts, trips and horses = He is buying your affection.

The question I have for you besides the two above is:  Are you selling?  Is your affection for sale?

Lost

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well if you are educated like you say, then you would know that this situation with him isn't sound. It's a bad deal. He may flash money in your face but that's to distract you so he can continue to do his bad dealings. I think in business this is called a smoke screen.

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He gave you a timeline and you're not comfortable with it. Revise it then and negotiate another timeline. You don't have to accept everything he dictates. If you don't like horses, don't ride. If you want your old boobs back, get the new ones out. I think your lack of agency is stripping you of your security (you're insecure) and peace of mind.

I don't know about you but peace of mind, second to health, is the most important thing a person can ever have. Once that's taken away everything else is undermined.

He's not just buying your affections. He also buying your silence and obedience.

If he messed up aka cheated on you, dump him. You're flesh and blood and a human being, right? Why should you live with such a man?

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I don’t think anything is wrong with you per say. But 6 months isn’t enough time to decide your whole future. Yet somehow, the man who was never married before and might be involved with another woman, wants to get married and have a baby girl, and has developed a timeline for this all to happen? Sounds...foolish.

Buying you things is nice, such lavish gifts are silly on his part this soon, I don’t blame you for accepting them, but I don’t see this being a lasting relationship. He’s giving so much so soon to hook you, there’s always a catch when someone tries to buy your love 

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