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Why do some people get upset if I'm dating two women who I don't have a commitment with?


ZebDed
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I thought the whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone and have fun?

Some people I know know that I'm seeing two women. They tell me it's 'deceitful' and in some cases it could be 'cheating'??

I'd agree if I was exclusive with one of them and seeing another behind their back, but in my case I'm not.

 

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29 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

Some people I know...

Who disapproves of your dating?

If you are not stringing either along and are not exclusive you can do what you want.

However sooner or later both of them, who are also dating others, will find someone else.

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Yes, you are not 'committed' to one, yet.

And as long as you don't prolong it... because women do 'catch feelings'... So, if you went too long involved with both of them and then they come to want to continue, then suddenly get told, either you're not so 'into them', after all... or 'there's another woman as well'... Not so good 😕 .

So, maybe do this with intent.  To see IF you favour one or the other.  But, not forever.

 

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4 hours ago, ZebDed said:

I thought the whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone and have fun?

Some people I know know that I'm seeing two women. They tell me it's 'deceitful' and in some cases it could be 'cheating'??

I'd agree if I was exclusive with one of them and seeing another behind their back, but in my case I'm not.

 

There are always some people who wlll judge your decisions.  I always multi dated because my goal was marriage and I wasn't going to forego opportunities to meet others if I was dating someone early on.  Especially in my 30s.  In the past years I've been judged by some for:  having only one child, eating ice cream, moving away from my parents when I married, etc etc.  The more discreet you are about your personal affairs and the more polite but firm you are when people give unsolicited input, the easier it gets.

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1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Well ask yourself...if both these women were seeing other men equally as you, how does that now make you feel about these two women? What would your opinion on that be? 

Not the OP but I never assumed exclusivity until we were and I also didn't share about who else I was dating.  I didn't have casual sex so I wasn't concerned about diseases.  Typically I didn't date someone casually for more than a month or two -then we stopped dating or became exclusive.  A few times we started out exclusive because we knew each other well before we started dating (one example being my husband -we'd dated in the past).  But someone I met through friends or a dating site or at a party- it was hard enough to meet eligible, compatible men so I wasn't going to focus on one and forego other opportunities to meet people based on a couple of dates. 

Most men knew not to ask what exactly I was doing on the nights we weren't out on a date and if they did I'd say something casual like "out with a friend" or similar.  Never asked the man - none of my business.  I'm glad I took that approach and I know it doesn't work for everyone especially for people who like to have sex early on - multiple sex partners is a whole other thing.

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There is no problem with going out with different women...but

If both women are also okay with the fact that you are dating others  and they are also dating others-- then fine. But if both of these women are exclusively dating you - they aren't dating others themselves and they have the impression that they are the only one - then that's disingenuous.

If you are have 3 different women you call up to do different types of things with (one likes sport outings, one you are just trying to figure out and one you like  to go to wine tastings and the theater with), then fine, but so long as they are on the same page with you and you aren't "i didn't actually bring up the exclusive talk" yet you are sleeping over twice a week - as an excuse to date several.

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8 hours ago, Batya33 said:

There are always some people who wlll judge your decisions.  I always multi dated because my goal was marriage and I wasn't going to forego opportunities to meet others if I was dating someone early on.  Especially in my 30s.  In the past years I've been judged by some for:  having only one child, eating ice cream, moving away from my parents when I married, etc etc.  The more discreet you are about your personal affairs and the more polite but firm you are when people give unsolicited input, the easier it gets.

But you were not sleeping with multiple = and you were not pretending to one guy that you were ONLY seeing him professing your love and then doing the same thing the next day with the next. 

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13 hours ago, ZebDed said:

Some people I know know that I'm seeing two women. They tell me it's 'deceitful' and in some cases it could be 'cheating'??

Who says this?

If you're being honest with both women and these "some people" are not either of these women then they need to mind their own business.  Maybe they're jealous or bitter.

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14 hours ago, ZebDed said:

I thought the whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone and have fun?

Some people I know know that I'm seeing two women. They tell me it's 'deceitful' and in some cases it could be 'cheating'??

I'd agree if I was exclusive with one of them and seeing another behind their back, but in my case I'm not.

 

Are both women aware that you're dating them at the same time?

If they both know and are okay with it, then it's fine.

If not, then yes, you're being sneaky and not treating them right.

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