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What's your opinion on walking dates?


kim42
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Hey everyone, there is this man who has asked me out several times, and each time he asked me out for a walk.

I don't think it's because of Covid because things got back to normal in my city, and cafes and bars are open again. Now I don't expect a guy to spend a lot of money on dates, but I'd like to see some effort, like he thought about taking me somewhere. Museum and exhibitions are open too (some are for free) so there are plenty of options, but he always suggest a walk instead.  I don't find it very appealing to only go for a walk, I'd like to feel at least a little special, and walks require minimum effort. He's working so it's not like he's unemployed, but as I said it's not bout spending money.

Do you guys like walking dates? I don't want to sound too arrogant, I just don't feel very interested in these kind of dates. 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Hey everyone, there is this man who has asked me out several times, and each time he asked me out for a walk.

Have you been on any of these dates with him?  Or does he keep asking but you turn him down? Not sure if you've actually gone out with him yet.

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12 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I'd like to see some effort.

Why not suggest and offer to treat for a coffee in a café and walk in an area where that is available?

It does seem boring. Do you like him? 

It's not about money or "feeling special" or effort. He seems unimaginative, so it's ok for you to suggest stuff, no? 

It shouldn't always be up to one person to plan things, try to participate more.

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9 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Have you been on any of these dates with him?  Or does he keep asking but you turn him down? Not sure if you've actually gone out with him yet.

I met him in a group get together, but we haven't gone out on a date yet.

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So you've said no each time?  I think it's fine for a first date and often the walking date means you stop for some ice cream or a drink along the way.  I'd say yes once then suggest a different activity the next time.  Maybe he wants to show you a special part of the city? He feels more comfortable talking while walking/in nice surroundings? If you've said no each time my sense is he won't be asking again.

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I said no because at the beginning, he wanted to come to my place - during the covid lockdown - I rejected this because I don't like strangers at my place. He would text me every and then, and now he has asked me out again - for a walk.

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10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not suggest and offer to treat for a coffee in a café and walk in an area where that is available?

It does seem boring. Do you like him? 

It's not about money or "feeling special" or effort. He seems unimaginative, so it's ok for you to suggest stuff, no? 

It shouldn't always be up to one person to plan things, try to participate more.

He's okay, but a little boring I guess.

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Why dont you suggest something else? Maybe coffee and then walk? 

I like walking lately. Coffee or restaurant are fine for talk. But walking afterward lets you maybe put on some moves that you cant do in so public places. Also, walking maybe wouldnt feel less special.  Maybe he wants to buy flowers or something else on the way.

Also, also

3 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I said no because at the beginning, he wanted to come to my place - during the covid lockdown - I rejected this because I don't like strangers at my place. He would text me every and then, and now he has asked me out again - for a walk.

Yes, coming to your place is way too forward. 

Is he afraid of Covid? Maybe thats why he wants just walk...

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5 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I said no because at the beginning, he wanted to come to my place - during the covid lockdown - I rejected this because I don't like strangers at my place. He would text me every and then, and now he has asked me out again - for a walk.

You don't sound interested enough in him as a person so I wouldn't waste his time.  I think the walk rejection/questioning is more of an excuse for you to tell yourself it's ok to forego this opportunity.  Not the same but it was a walk invitation that led to the path to my marriage - a platonic dinner with my ex after years.  Sparks flew.  He was living about 10 blocks or so from the restaurant.  I was going to take the subway home which was only a block away.  I didn't want the date to end so I offered to walk him to his place -hoping I'd get an invite.  I did.  We did not kiss or anything for another month but had I not offered to walk with him and keep talking things may not have progressed as they did.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You don't sound interested enough in him as a person so I wouldn't waste his time.  I think the walk rejection/questioning is more of an excuse for you to tell yourself it's ok to forego this opportunity.  Not the same but it was a walk invitation that led to the path to my marriage - a platonic dinner with my ex after years.  Sparks flew.  He was living about 10 blocks or so from the restaurant.  I was going to take the subway home which was only a block away.  I didn't want the date to end so I offered to walk him to his place -hoping I'd get an invite.  I did.  We did not kiss or anything for another month but had I not offered to walk with him and keep talking things may not have progressed as they did.

I think it's different to go for a walk after coffee/dinner, and just for a walk. But you're right, I'm not very interested in him, I liked him in the group outing but how he asked me out, or how he wanted to come to my place, made me less interested I guess.

Edited by kim42
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1 minute ago, kim42 said:

I think it's different to go for a walk after coffee/dinner, and just for a walk. But you're right, I'm not very interested in him, I liked him in the group outing but how the way he asked me out, or how he wanted to come to my place, made me less interested I guess.

Yes -with covid is tricky and I wouldn't have liked the "your place" thing either but maybe he was grappling with the covid restrictions. 

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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why dont you suggest something else? Maybe coffee and then walk? 

I like walking lately. Coffee or restaurant are fine for talk. But walking afterward lets you maybe put on some moves that you cant do in so public places. Also, walking maybe wouldnt feel less special.  Maybe he wants to buy flowers or something else on the way.

Also, also

Yes, coming to your place is way too forward. 

Is he afraid of Covid? Maybe thats why he wants just walk...

I don't think he's afraid of covid, at least he never mentioned it, and he's been traveling too, so I don't think so.

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1 hour ago, kim42 said:

but he always suggest a walk instead.

I think walks are romantic... and for a first date, it seems safer for the woman (you're out in public, you're not both going to be in a restaurant and feel you have to stay even though it becomes you're not right for each other ... those kinds of things make a walk ideal imo).

It also seems wise for a guy not to invest money, or too much money, yet into a woman who might not be that interested in him.  So he's really smart in a way.

 

27 minutes ago, kim42 said:

But you're right, I'm not very interested in him, I liked him in the group outing but how he asked me out, or how he wanted to come to my place, made me less interested I guess.

^If this is true then I'd leave him alone.  Let him find a woman who is really into him that will make him happier than you could.  

 

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35 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

^If this is true then I'd leave him alone.  Let him find a woman who is really into him

I agree here.  Why are you even bothering with him?

Sure a walk is fine, but maybe a coffee or something another time, etc?

But. if you're really not interested.. tell him, thanks, but no. And leave it.

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He seems a bit off, Kim. Not a fan of him inviting himself back to your place - at all. It gives the wrong impression overall. If you don't like the walking dates when mentioned in general, suggest something else. This guy doesn't seem like a good match or too "boring" so let him go. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with a walking date. It's a lot less pressure than having to sit and stare at someone for a long period of time on a first date. At least you are active. Nevermind about him. See if there are other dates. 

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Thanks everyone, I've been trying to go more on dates, even with guys I am not crazy about, so I wanted to give him a chance, but he seems to be a little boring even when we text. 

We live in a big city so there so many things to do, even for free, I'm not into dinner dates, but it's not like we would live in the middle of nowhere and all you could do was go for a walk.

Let's hope the next date will be more fun 🙂 

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A nice woman asked me out for a 'walking date' recently, but it was very boring and nothing special. At least I walked 9 km and got some exercise..

If you are not really into him then just don't even waste your time. He'll probably try and plant a fat sloppy kiss as a surprise at the end and ask you for the second (or third at this point) time to go back to his place :p

Edited by mical
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6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So you've said no each time?  I think it's fine for a first date and often the walking date means you stop for some ice cream or a drink along the way.

I agree. I think it's great for first dates. Back when I was dating (well before COVID) I actually preferred it. You get a chance to be together without staring at each other over a table. You can always stop and grab a bite during the walk.

6 hours ago, kim42 said:

I said no because at the beginning, he wanted to come to my place - during the covid lockdown - I rejected this because I don't like strangers at my place. He would text me every and then, and now he has asked me out again - for a walk.

In that case, it sounds like he is being considerate and accommodating of your feelings. You mentioned that your city is packed with interesting things to do. So, if you're not into walking, you can counter with another idea. That is, if you want to date him at all. If you're not into him, leave him be.

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11 hours ago, kim42 said:

But you're right, I'm not very interested in him,

If that's the case then be honest and let him know.  It's not fair to go on dates with him when you know you're really not interested in him - that's just leading him on (imo), and not very nice.

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1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

If that's the case then be honest and let him know.  It's not fair to go on dates with him when you know you're really not interested in him - that's just leading him on (imo), and not very nice.

I think some women believe nothing is wrong with this. I see it how you do, that it isn't nice. 

You won't believe how many women seem to settle, and marry someone they aren't really all that into, then they wonder why they become bored or miserable.

I'm not sure all women can see how unfair it is for the man, though. If they'd left him alone, He could be with someone who really loves him, is passionate about him,etc but instead the woman decided she's getting old, and he ends up marrying a woman like this and believe she actually loves him for him.  Then wonders why she always turns down sex. It can end up tragic.

Edited to add... I do worry about this for our boys.  But hopefully we'll be able to teach them signs to be aware of when a woman really isn't that into them, but is getting old and looking for a man to settle down with. 👍

Edited by maritalbliss86
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6 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

If that's the case then be honest and let him know.  It's not fair to go on dates with him when you know you're really not interested in him - that's just leading him on (imo), and not very nice.

It's true I'm not crazy about him, but I thought he was nice so I wanted to get to know him a little more, I don't see anything wrong about this. It's just a date, I didn't say I'd marry him. 

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16 hours ago, kim42 said:

, I've been trying to go more on dates, even with guys I am not crazy about, 

Well I would advise against that. Dating or in this case 2 friends from a group taking a walk, for the sake of it seems like pressure to "get out there".

If you frame it as friends taking a walk, sure it's a good idea. But if you frame it as a date then you're wasting your time.

Dating burnout is precisely from dating for the heck of it rather than dating people with potential to become something.

Go out, have fun, make friends, take walks, do stuff with people, etc but have a clear definition of dating v. friends hanging out.

For example if you like museums take the initiative to ask a friend to go. If you want to walk around downtown ask friends.

If you are interested in dating, after the first coffee meet, don't expect someone to plan stuff to "make you feel special", expect to participate in coming up with suggestions.

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