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I'm upset about not being invited to my co-worker's party.


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3 hours ago, That36guy said:

Everyone keeps talking about throwing a party of my own, but I honestly don’t know if I should go through with it.

I don’t like the general environment of drunk people running around and I also have to worry about actual hosting duties. If things get really bad (as in the police getting involved) then it’s going to land squarely on me.

Who said everyone has to get drunk and run around?  Why would you host a gathering that gets so out of control the police would need to be called?  What kind of people are these coworkers?  Did that happen at Emma's party?

Yet another suggestion you don't like.  I guess you'll just need to come up with your own answers then.

Sorry you felt left out.

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13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Who said everyone has to get drunk and run around?  Why would you host a gathering that gets so out of control the police would need to be called?  What kind of people are these coworkers?  Did that happen at Emma's party?

Yet another suggestion you don't like.  I guess you'll just need to come up with your own answers then.

Sorry you felt left out.

I haven't heard about anything at Emma's party getting completely out of control, aside from your usual small scale heartbreaks and feelings getting hurt.

And I'm not completely refuting the party idea, I just want to make sure it's a fairly controlled environment and that we don't end up with a repeat of the aforementioned party that my sister threw.

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18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Are you sure she didn't invite you but you didn't receive the invitation -was it emailed? Texted? How were people invited?

As far as I know, she was just going around and verbally inviting people. I overheard her inviting one other guy and that’s how I found out about the party.

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31 minutes ago, That36guy said:

As far as I know, she was just going around and verbally inviting people. I overheard her inviting one other guy and that’s how I found out about the party.

It's possible it was an oversight and since there were no formal invitations maybe she figured it was open to everyone

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8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's possible it was an oversight and since there were no formal invitations maybe she figured it was open to everyone

How could a verbal invitation be an oversight? All she has to do is go up to me and ask.

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On 6/12/2021 at 5:22 AM, That36guy said:

My parents would never allow it because of a party that my sister once held for one of her birthdays. It was suppose to be a simple get together of a small handful of friends, but it turned into a giant blowout that resulted in damage to property, someone taking a dump in my parents bed, and a fire in our backyard. My parents have said no more parties because of that.

Sounds like something straight out of American Pie lol 

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Well if you have about 100 employees at your work, I don't actually think that Emma could invite everyone. I'm sure she also has friends outside of work so she can't really have like 100 + people at her party. Especially at her house. I live in a small two bedroom apartment and I have a lot of friends. I can only fit a limited number of people into my apartment so if I wanted to invite some people from work, I'd have to be selective about it. 

So maybe you've seen people talking about Emma's party but surely not literally everyone was invited? Also if she's good friends with the girl who has a crush on you than it's understandable she'd care about her feelings maybe more than about you. I mean, even if you get along well with Emma at work but obviously you're not really friends. Like, do you talk or hang out outside of work? If you were actually friends I'm sure she'd invite you. It's probably nothing personal but she just likes some people at work more than others. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you at all but if she had limited space at the party she probably just had to be more selective. 

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1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

Well if you have about 100 employees at your work, I don't actually think that Emma could invite everyone. I'm sure she also has friends outside of work so she can't really have like 100 + people at her party. Especially at her house. I live in a small two bedroom apartment and I have a lot of friends. I can only fit a limited number of people into my apartment so if I wanted to invite some people from work, I'd have to be selective about it. 

So maybe you've seen people talking about Emma's party but surely not literally everyone was invited? Also if she's good friends with the girl who has a crush on you than it's understandable she'd care about her feelings maybe more than about you. I mean, even if you get along well with Emma at work but obviously you're not really friends. Like, do you talk or hang out outside of work? If you were actually friends I'm sure she'd invite you. It's probably nothing personal but she just likes some people at work more than others. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you at all but if she had limited space at the party she probably just had to be more selective. 

I don’t understand. Wouldn’t she want to invite me to the party so as to possibly set up me and this girl who has a crush on me?

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Don't make a big deal out of this otherwise you'll sound like a whiny, spoiled brat. 

When you're at work, just act natural, be kind yet professional and leave it at that.  If Emma invites you in the future, then great and if not, don't obsess over this because it's not a popularity contest.  Don't care. 

Respect her choices and decisions whether you agree with her or not.  It's none of your business.  She has every right to choose who is at her party.  If it was an oversight on her part, there is nothing you can do.  If she doesn't want you there, then honor her wishes and act like a classy gentleman at the workplace.  No sense fretting over this. 

Be nice, earn your paycheck and go home.  Focus on your own life and what makes you happy.  Emma is merely a colleague and nothing more.  Be cool. 

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9 hours ago, That36guy said:

. Wouldn’t she want to invite me to the party so as to possibly set up me and this girl who has a crush on me?

No. Here's the thing. It was her birthday, not a speed dating event for you.

Maybe they just don't like you. That's a possibility. Maybe they think you're too selfish or entitled. Maybe they don't have the heart to tell you that?

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On 6/11/2021 at 7:08 PM, That36guy said:

So she won’t invite me, a guy whom she regularly goes out of her way to talk to and joke around with, (both while she’s working and while she’s off the clock and comes in to shop) but she’ll invite socially awkward, shy co-workers who don’t talk to anyone and just sit in a corner with their headphones on.

You've perceived her as a co-worker friend, whereas she might regularly be engaging in friendly banter with you to merely pass the time in a pleasant way. This is your cue to put your emotional energy elsewhere when it comes to your social life.

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11 hours ago, That36guy said:

I don’t understand. Wouldn’t she want to invite me to the party so as to possibly set up me and this girl who has a crush on me?

No. Because she has many important things to think about when hosting a party. Your social life is likely not her priority.  What kindnesses or contributions have you extended to her life ? Or tried to? How she compiled her guest list and selected her guests is none of your business.  Stay in your lane.  Especially at work.  

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If your not interested or comfortable in throwing a party, don't throw one.    

Put your big boy pants on and move on. 

This really is not a big deal.  Maybe she just doesn't like you but keeps it friendly at work.  It's ok.  You don't like the woman that has a crush on you and you don't seem to see any problem with that.  

Which is fine-- you are entitled to like who you like.  Just as everyone else is.  Gosh.  Maybe you have an over-inflated sense of self.  

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58 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No. Because she has many important things to think about when hosting a party. Your social life is likely not her priority.  What kindnesses or contributions have you extended to her life ? Or tried to? How she compiled her guest list and selected her guests is none of your business.  Stay in your lane.  Especially at work.  

Oh nothing, other than regularly backing her up at work whenever she starts to fall behind.

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33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree, get over it. Go to work, be nice to people and wait until you live on campus to throw a party.

I’m not living on campus. It’s a community college.

But I did talk with one of my friends about hosting a party at his place and he seems for it.

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Your responses in this thread have a touch of arrogance (such as bagging on the shy girl or going on about a coworker you say is pining away to be your love muffin). This would suggest you probably spend a lot of effort trying to present as being above everything. So not being invited to the party is a big deal to you, it would hit at your core that you are not the center of the workplace universe that you may be striving for. All of that is my guessing at the bottom line of all this soon to be 4 page saga.

Trying to present as the cool cat on the block when you're not, does not get any person on the A list for parties.

Or, there is the possibility that Emma simply thought she verbally invited you but didn't.

Either way, you clearly are invested in workplace social goings-on and no one will change that. The way to get past any perceptions that you may be a judgmental heavy non-party vibe guy is to say something such as "Hey Emma, I hear you throw great parties. I'm always up for that! Keep me in mind next time." Practice saying that without any cynical tone.

Even quick compliments bring rewards, and don't ask her a question that would put her on the spot. Just make it known that you're casual about it and open to socializing. Then move on from this. There would be nothing more to be gained.

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4 hours ago, That36guy said:

I did talk with one of my friends about hosting a party at his place and he seems for it.

Fantastic. Do that. Invite your Pokémon friends and some other friends and some people from work. Co-host. Pay for stuff, cook the burgers and hotdogs and help clean up. 

Get an apt/house share when you go to college. You're too old to live with mom and dad.

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2 hours ago, That36guy said:

I’m just a regular co-worker of hers. And she was indeed the one who asked me for help.

Yes.  You helped her at work.  That’s very nice. When it came time to socializing outside of work at her home she opted not to invite you.  Two separate things. Certainly she should thank you for helping her at work - while at work

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On 6/11/2021 at 6:57 PM, That36guy said:

This past Saturday was the party of one of my co-worker's, whom we'll just call "Emma". It was Emma's 22nd birthday and she was throwing this party, a party where a bunch of people at work called out so that they can attend. I didn't get an invite and at first I tried not to let it get to me, but I've spent the past few days hearing about the aftermath and now I can't deny how I'm feeling.

It really does feel like just about everyone at work got an invite except me. These two guys in the break room were talking about it and it reached a point where one of them started listing off some co-workers who dropped by at one point. There was evidently a bunch of people here at work who got invited and now I can't escape this feeling of exclusion.

Me and Emma actually do get along very well. She always goes out of her way to talk to me and strike up some conversation and I though for sure that I would get invited once I heard about the party. And Emma's behavior towards me hasn't changed in the past few days since the party. Not only am I trying to figure out why I didn't get invited, but I also want to know how not to feel so awful about it. It's been eating me up and I know that I can't let it get to me in the work place. How do I cope with this?

I'm guessing she doesn't like you as much as you thought she did, sorry. She's probably just being polite at work.

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Well I think there can actually be different levels of liking people. You can think someone is nice and technically "like" them but you don't necessarily think of them as an actual friend. It probably also depends on each individual situation.

For example, I'm a super social and bubbly person and I have a lot of friends. I have six best/really close friends alone but I also have a lot of other friends and acquaintances. If I was going to throw a house party I need to be more selective because I have so many people to invite but not enough space at my place.

My friends outside of work would be my first preference and from work I would invite people who are my actual friends. So people who I talk to outside of work or catch up outside of work. I'm a very friendly person so I'm friendly to everyone just because it's in my nature. But just because I'm friendly and chat with colleagues doesn't mean I consider them friends. I have nothing at all against them either and I like them just fine. They're just colleagues though, just at work. You know what I mean?

I think if you want to be invited to colleagues' parties you have to stand out in some way. For example, you'd have to have Emma on social media and have chats going with her on social media. Or go for lunch or coffee during your lunch breaks or hang out in some other way. Otherwise yes you talk to her at work but you're just a work colleague. 

If you have 100+ people at your workplace I'm sure that Emma didn't invite everyone. It's way too many people to have at a house party. Not to mention she probably invited people outside of work too. I'm sure there are plenty of people at your work who weren't invited and you were just part of those people.

I think you need to try not to take things personally. If someone isn't really your friend then why is it so important to go to their party? Hang out and do events with your actual friends. You can't be friends with everyone all the time.

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