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Am I reading too much into this joke ?


ATYD
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So I had a question about a guy I had been casually talking to. I met him in my building, and considering I’ve recently come out of a long term relationship, I communicated I wasn’t looking for anything serious, neither was I having any intimate relationship with him. So, its literally been us just talking and hanging out; where we have shared the occasional kiss. I'm sometimes unsure if we are on the same page because, although he says he is, he sometimes cracks some jokes that seem like he wants more, or insinuates friends with benefits and also says how the ball is in my court.

The other day I bumped into him at the entrance with a friend, and I introduced my friend, then he says how ‘he's my boyfriend’, then jokes and says ‘he's my fiancé’ (while failing to even say his name) we all laugh it off, but I really found it inappropriate and it made me quite freaked out and angry in all honesty, it felt like a boundary had been crossed.

I then messaged him to communicate how I felt and he seemed really apologetic, but I ended up putting a swift end to it because I really did feel uncomfortable. I feel a bit bad that I didn’t really hear him out, but I just feel something off with him.

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It sounds like you two have different senses of humor -why did you type to him instead of talk to him about how you felt? I think it's totally fine if you don't want to hang out anymore -after all as  you say you are just hanging out with this person and he seems to want to have sex with you and you don't so it makes for an awkwardness in hanging out.  Why go to all the trouble -if again as you said yourself -you don't want anything long term and you don't want to have casual sex with him. My sense is you were starting to develop more feelings for him.  

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You may have reacted a little harsh from what you shared.  I guess you could take a moment and ask yourself why.  Are you interested in more with this neighbor?  Because if you weren't  I can't help but think his somewhat childish banter would have just rolled off your back.

If a guy suggests FWB and tells me it's in my court. . I'd interpret that as him stating the terms and it's up to me to agree with it or not.    If you say he makes you uneasy, then you should pay attention to that.

Either way, he's still your neighbor and you are bound to see him again.  You might apologize for your reaction and keep things light. 

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Was the other friend male? Could be just "marking the teritory" if other one was male. Its not really that bad of a joke but yes, its clear he wants more the just casual kiss. Anyway, if you dont want more then you should stop all of that. Or set up some boundaries regarding it. 

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I think it was probably a joke.  he is trying to have sex with you- obviously. He's just waiting for you to agree.  But I would not mistake that for anything more than easy sex. 

Ever hear the phrase- don't poop where you eat?  I would not date my neighbor. That's a little too close. If it ends badly it would really suck.

Maybe you were offended bc when we go through emotional times we can project hurt feelings on to unrelated situations. 

But the good news is, you're processing feelings and that's how we let them go. 

I would not make a bigger deal out of this than it was.  

 

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Well if you're not actually interested in this neighbour then I would say what you did is fine. You just said you're not interested. What do you actually want from him? Just some attention and the occasional kiss? I don't think he just wants to be friends. He wants sex or even to date. If you're not interested in that then why bother continuing with him? 

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5 hours ago, ATYD said:

I communicated I wasn’t looking for anything serious, neither was I having any intimate relationship with him. So, its literally been us just talking and hanging out; where we have shared the occasional kiss. I'm sometimes unsure if we are on the same page because, although he says he is, he sometimes cracks some jokes that seem like he wants more,

Most likely because you are confusing him with your actions... kissing?  Why are you guys even doing this, if you've told him... you're not into any of that.  IMO, is like you're leading him on.

Friends don't share the 'occasional kiss'.

 

5 hours ago, ATYD said:

I really found it inappropriate and it made me quite freaked out and angry in all honesty, it felt like a boundary had been crossed.

Then try healthy boundaries.. by not allowing kissing, flirting..etc.

 

 

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7 hours ago, ATYD said:

. I met him in my building, and considering I’ve recently come out of a long term relationship, I communicated I wasn’t looking for anything serious, 

Sorry this happened. What was your recent break-up about?

Unfortunately you seem quite raw and angry about your recent break-up and really went off on this neighbor..

He seems awkward and as if he's trying to flirt but isn't good at it.

If you are not ready to date,stop kissing random guys you are casually talking to.

Take a break. Relax and reflect on what is hurting you and why you are lashing out disproportionately.

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No he was being a jerk yes, underhandedly. He's not happy that you rejected his advances and hints, and yet you keep Hanging out and kissing. it is sending THE WRONG MESSAGE. If you don't have any interest, stop hangout and kissing. You just don't do that to a horny guy.

Edited by smackie9
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Sounds like you've been feeling ambivalent, and you grabbed this minor faux pas as your ticket out.

I wouldn't over-think it. If you were into the guy enough, you'd have breezed right past whatever it was that struck a nerve instead.

Trust your gut.

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