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My boyfriend refuses to trust me at all.


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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, have known each other for 20+ years. He had a very troubled childhood and it left him with severe trust and abandonment issues. He is constantly questioning everything I do. We live in a small place and if I clean up and organize he accuses me of packing my things. He's been abusive verbally and physically before. Im afraid that not getting the proper help as a child, after seeing his mother shot and murdered right in front of him by his stepmom, that's it may be too late for him to change his behavior. He's a bit narcissistic. 

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12 minutes ago, Amityville said:

He's been abusive verbally and physically before. 

This is your cue to immediately start an exit strategy.

Be grateful you are not married/no kids. Do Not tell him you plan to leave. Tell people you can trust.

Start severing things and begin to be honest with trusted friends and family about the abuse.

He is not broken and you don't have to fix him.

He enjoys the abuse. It's fun for him. Do not kid yourself that your grand love will heal him and he will cease being abuse.

The abuse will destroy you further the longer you stay. You are not helping or fixing him. 

Read up on abusive relationships. Google "Stockholm Syndrome" and "Gaslighting."

Edited by Wiseman2
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His issues aside, that is not something you can get behind. Verbal and physical abuse? Accusations? That is not something you should live with. Not now, not ever. Get away from that. Even involve police if neccesery and if he tries something after you leave.

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He will put you in the hospital or worse.

Please confide in a trusted family member or friend and plan your exit. If you live together this goes double.

He needs help from a trained and licensed professional. You cannot "love" the abuse out of him. In fact, the longer you stay the worse he will get.

Leave him so the both of you can have the opportunity to get the help you need.

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2 hours ago, Amityville said:

He's been abusive verbally and physically before.

As Oprah has said, "If he hit you once, he'll hit you again."   When tolerating his abuse you're simply giving him the green light to continue.  You can't change him, nor fix him, he's an adult who knows right from wrong.

In short, I wouldn't wait until this escalates, and it will.  Please don't feel you can be the exception to the rule...you're not.

 

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Sadly, he is very messed up 😕 

He's experienced Trauma and possibly never received any help throughout his life in dealing with it.

Yeah, he's damaged goods.. and he's affecting you in many ways.

Narcs are nasty.. as is abuse.  Remove yourself from all of this.. before you're affected too much as well.

 

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When everyone is saying to leave him,i don't know why i feel like he needs you. 

 

you just said his mother is a murderer, so he had a bad childhood i guess. Anyone can guess it. He is mentally sick by surrounded things. It's not his fault. He needs more care,he have some issues what's make him these type. I think if you proper care about him,give him time to heal and let him feel he is not unwanted,maybe he can overcome. I think the main problem here he think he is unwanted and he has fear,he just don't want to let anyone know that he has fear. So if you truly love him don't leave him. Give him the last chance. And one thing remember, if possible change the way you care about him. Don't do it typically. 

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1 hour ago, Masaba Charlie said:

When everyone is saying to leave him,i don't know why i feel like he needs you. 

 

you just said his mother is a murderer, so he had a bad childhood i guess. Anyone can guess it. He is mentally sick by surrounded things. It's not his fault. He needs more care,he have some issues what's make him these type. I think if you proper care about him,give him time to heal and let him feel he is not unwanted,maybe he can overcome. I think the main problem here he think he is unwanted and he has fear,he just don't want to let anyone know that he has fear. So if you truly love him don't leave him. Give him the last chance. And one thing remember, if possible change the way you care about him. Don't do it typically. 

He needs professional help. You cannot "love" someone in being mentally healthy.

If he broke his leg or his appendix burst would you recommend she "love" him into healing? Or would you recommend he see a doctor? Same thing with mental and emotional health issues. You see a professional.

And when someone is abusive you do not stay. Ever.

Edited by boltnrun
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My aunt was shot right in front of her two sons (my cousins) who were were young children at the time, and they aren't abusers or narcissists, so stop making excuses for your boyfriend's horrendous behavior.  He's just a bad dude, and you need to make an exit plan.

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Unfortunately, your boyfriend carries a lot of very painful baggage and serious mental disorders for which there is no cure.  His very bad, traumatic memories will haunt him for life and it will forever impact your life as long as you stay with him.

Your boyfriend is manipulative.  He's very insecure and nervous which makes you insecure and nervous as well.

Dissolve and exit this mentally and physically abusive relationship.  You need to protect yourself otherwise you're placing yourself in constant danger.  You should be the one who REFUSES TO TRUST HIM AT ALL.

Edited by Cherylyn
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There's a saying that people don't change, they just become better versions of themselves..

So if someone lied a lot in the past, the best they could be is someone that doesn't lie as much...

If he's physically abusive, sorry to hear that, and it will just get worse if you stay...like a ticking time bomb...Id leave...life is too short

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