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So I have been with my partner for almost 5 year and I should of ran on the first red flag but I was so foolish I didn’t it started when he was without a car and wouldn’t even get out of bed because of this so stupid me got him a car in finance at this point it was ok I could afford it and he said he would give me money towards it every month and at first he he but then he stopped and started to buy and sell other cars and keeled the money for himself to “invest “ then the car broke apparently this is what he said so I said ok I’ll pay to get it fixed and he said he doesn’t want to because once a car starts to go wrong it always will then this I left where I should have run because before I knew it he was sending me cars over 25k and I keep saying no chance then he pulled the I see money is more important to me because I didn’t want to get him a car that expensive so anyway I tried and got rejected because repayment was to much for my salary so he kicked off and pushed and pushed then he said I should get a loan to get the car I said no because I am still paying for the one he has and he would not drop it and kept pushing so behind my back he booked to see a car and sent me some paperwork and said this is what I have to do to get him the car I said no and told him to fix the one he has and again he said that money was more important then him being happy so he never left it alone and called my bank and said you need to ask for a loan to pay for the finance I have put a deposit for the car he want I said no but then they answered I he sat next to me listening and told me how much to ask for I did it thinking I would be rejected but they gave my the loan I really was hoping they would say no so I am now stuck with 27k dept and he doesn’t pay me anything and all I want to do is leave him but I can’t afford it we also have animals that I wouldn’t dream of leaving with him because he can’t even look after himself what am I supposed to do please help

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And to add to that I also have a 4K credit card that he has maxed out getting equipment for a business that didn’t start and promised to pay it back I am now paying 850 roughly a month on dept I have because of him sorry I really need advice on how I can escape from this relationship thank you for reading 

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Well, first off... that's a longgg sentence 😕 .. and makes it easier to read, with paragraphs.

Yes, you leave him!  He's using & controlling you.

Once, you leave him he WILL manage to take care of himself.  you're not his mother.

You go find your own place (can your parents help at all?).

As for this debt. have him sign something in agreement that he will pay a certain amt per month ( maybe even small claims court).

But.. you CAN leave.

 

 

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You could have said no.

In this case he was apparently more important than your financial security. 

Why do you feel like you need to "buy" a boyfriend? 

Break up with him and see a debt counselor.

And you can't sue him if you don't have any signed paperwork confirming that he agreed to pay you back. If everything is in your name you are responsible. 

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1 minute ago, SooSad33 said:

Well, first off... that's a longgg sentence 😕 .. and makes it easier to read, with paragraphs.

Yes, you leave him!  He's using & controlling you.

Once, you leave him he WILL manage to take care of himself.  you're not his mother.

You go find your own place (can your parents help at all?).

As for this debt. have him sign something in agreement that he will pay a certain amt per month ( maybe even small claims court).

But.. you CAN leave.

 

 

My parents unfortunately can’ not help because of the animals and I can not leave them behind they are like my children because I don’t have any and I have looked into getting something signed but he is smart and will find away out of it I know I have to leave because I haven’t been happy for a long time for many reasons.

I know he is using me I just took a long time to see that but when you have these kind of situations it’s really difficult to just leave I have to find somewhere to go and somewhere he can’t do this to me anymore.

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10 minutes ago, Follishinlove said:

And to add to that I also have a 4K credit card that he has maxed out getting equipment for a business that didn’t start and promised to pay it back I am now paying 850 roughly a month on dept I have because of him sorry I really need advice on how I can escape from this relationship thank you for reading 

How long have you been dating? Is was a loan he's not repaying? Sue him.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

You could have said no.

In this case he was apparently more important than your financial security. 

Why do you feel like you need to "buy" a boyfriend? 

Break up with him and see a debt counselor.

And you can't sue him if you don't have any signed paperwork confirming that he agreed to pay you back. If everything is in your name you are responsible. 

I did not come on here for negativity I came on here for help you clearly have never been In a relationship like this one I did not feel the need to buy he convinced me that if I really loved him I would do anything to make him happy but thank you for telling me thing I have already thought about and I know how stupid I am now and please I really don’t need you making me feel worse 

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? Is was a loan he's not repaying? Sue him.

We have been together almost five years but it’s not a simple as it sounds he is a very convincing person and Manipulated me into many thing I should have seen through him and walked away 

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I took a lot to ask for advice so please no negativity I have been dealing with this for along time and had made me seriously depressed at  the moment what I have after being paid pay for the animals food and and I have to get reduced food for me and my mum helps with making sure I don’t go hungry as he works away most of the time so doesn’t help with these kind of things 

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Can you move back in with your mother?

I wish I could be she doesn’t have the space for me and my animals and the last thing I want to do is give them up I don’t have human children I have animals children I know everyone will say to regime them but for more that would never be an option I would never imagine abandoning them

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You should speak to an attorney in your area to handle the debt. This forum is not going to give you the debt advice you need. You may be legally entitled to some kind of contribution from him. In the future, do not be a co-signor for someone who very clearly has debt issues. I am sure you have learned your lesson and do not need me to say this to you.

As for the significant other: he has a problem. He was financially drowning, and he pushed your head underwater in order to stay afloat. He used you to your detriment. I cannot speak for you, but I would never tolerate this sort of parasitic selfishness in a relationship. I vote you make arrangements to break up, secure the valuables and pets, and move out. 

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What is he currently contributing financially that makes you say you can't leave? Is he paying rent? Is he on the lease?

As for the debts, best is that you speak to an attorney about what you can and cannot do and how. In some cases it's possible to negotiate with the bank to surrender the vehicle. It won't make the loan go away completely, but it can be reduced by a lot. Part of that negotiation can be that they don't hit your credit report with a repo. There may be some other options as well available to you.

In terms of where to live, look around for a cheaper smaller place if you can't afford the current place by yourself. Check your lease to see if you can break it and how. If lease says that you can't, appeal to the landlord directly - they usually make exceptions for your kind of a situation where you need to leave an abusive partner. Yes, you need to admit to yourself that he isn't just manipulative, but emotionally abusive as well.

These things may take some time. More slow and planned than a fast exist. However, you've got to start looking into things and learning what options you do have rather than just assuming that you have none and feeling paralyzed. There are options even if not always easy ones. Look at it as the price of your freedom.

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