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Girl / friend wants me to flirt with her and I realized I don't really know what she means


Vince99
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A girl I hang out with a lot tells me occasionally that she wants me to flirt with her / doesn't know why I don't. I dont really know what she means though, and I don't know why she wants me to.  I've asked her several times if she would be my girlfriend and she says she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to date me. We've known each other for 8 or 9 years and we've had sex probably a dozen times in the last few months (but never before january of this year). So I'm not sure where she's going with this "flirt with me" thing, and I guess I don't even know how...is it just more sexual innuendo talk when we hang out, and more flirty touching? And why does she want me to?

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15 minutes ago, Vince99 said:

I've asked her several times if she would be my girlfriend and she says she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to date me. We've known each other for 8 or 9 years and we've had sex probably a dozen times in the last few months

Are you FWB? If she doesn't want a BF, you don't have to wine and dine her.

Sounds like she's insecure and fishing for compliments.

If you are having sex, compliment her on things, she looks nice, etc..

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Yes, I agree with Wiseman2. It is apparent that she wants a hook-up or friends with benefits interaction with you, not a relationship. So, if you are occasionally hooking up or being intimate, and you are being aloof instead of open and flirty, then of course she might find that weird. 

You can either:

  • Stop the interaction, because you want a relationship and she will not give it to you. Continue to be friends, or don't; or 
  • Continue the interaction, because you enjoy the company and the sex. Be more flirty. 
Edited by Pleasedonot5
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1 hour ago, Vince99 said:

she wants me to flirt with her / doesn't know why I don't. I dont really know what she means though, and I don't know why she wants me to.  I've asked her several times if she would be my girlfriend and she says she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to date me. We've known each other for 8 or 9 years and we've had sex probably a dozen times in the last few months

This is probably why she wants you to flirt more with her?

IF you're up for this FWB, this is all you get.. that ok with you?

 

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I am assuming you both are pretty young.

So why she wants you to flirt with her is a question for her, not us.  Hard to tell but if you haven't flirted and shown her real interest other than telling her you want to be her bf then it kinda sounds like you hung out some and then jumped right to the end asking her to be your gf.  She probably wants all the stuff in between you skipped.  Telling her how hot she looks in that outfit, asking her how she stays in such great shape, telling her how nice she smells after giving her a warm hug. Learning how to flirt takes time and practice and it changes as you age.  Flirting in your late teens and early twenties is totally different than in your late twenties or early thirties. 

Flirting is showing interest in a playful way.  Be respectful but playful with your comments and actions.

 Lost

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2 hours ago, Vince99 said:

A girl I hang out with a lot tells me occasionally that she wants me to flirt with her / doesn't know why I don't. I dont really know what she means though, and I don't know why she wants me to.  I've asked her several times if she would be my girlfriend and she says she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to date me. We've known each other for 8 or 9 years and we've had sex probably a dozen times in the last few months (but never before january of this year). So I'm not sure where she's going with this "flirt with me" thing, and I guess I don't even know how...is it just more sexual innuendo talk when we hang out, and more flirty touching? And why does she want me to?

My read on this is that she doesn't evoke that in you, period. If you're comfortable around someone you'll eventually let your guard down, find yourself smiling a lot more and being comfortable enough to be playful, funny or witty around that person without fear of being judged or misunderstood. 

She said no to being in a relationship with you. Hello mood killer. You've known her for years, you've been seeing each other a handful of times and she doesn't want to date you. Why on earth would you continue being playful or feel like you can let your guard down around her? She doesn't take you seriously and you want more out of this interaction.

Take it at face value and trust your instincts on this one. I think it's fizzled out already and she's not your cup of tea. 

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She just wants you to express your feelings more making her feel sexy and attractive..

This has nothing to do with relationship status...

 

 

Edited by mical
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