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Girlfriend's past with friends


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Hi,

My girlfriend and I are in a relationship for a little over a year. Everything is going great, though there is something itching way more than I thought it would.

For reference; before we considered dating, we had been friends for about 2 years. During that time, she made out with guys during parties being drunk, around 40 different guys in that 2 year span. By making out I mean kissing and sometimes sleeping in the same bed with cuddling, but she never had sex and stayed a virgin. I have to add that I never kissed random girls like she did with guys out of personal beliefs.

That being said, most of those guys are friends of mine, and about 5 of those are really close friends I meet on an almost daily basis and I do not know how to stop thinking about it. I know it's in the past, and I know she absolutely doesn't want to do that again, I know she did that because of her low self-esteem at the time, but I just can't get it out of my head, especially because guys like to joke about it sometimes during house parties, among others.

We're in love and I'd like to move on, any tips on what to do? Thanks

Edited by Misteryguy
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  • Misteryguy changed the title to Girlfriend's past with friends
49 minutes ago, Misteryguy said:

before we considered dating, we had been friends for about 2 years. During that time, she made out with guys during parties being drunk, around 40 different guys in that 2 year span. but she never had sex and stayed a virgin. 

most of those guys are friends of mine, and  guys like to joke about it sometimes during house parties, among others.

Sorry this is happening. How old is she?

Did you witness this, did your friends/housemates tell you this  or did she tell you all this? 

Are your friends teasing you about her? 

It seems she went through a party-girl phase, but either you get over it or you end it.

Her past is  none of your business, so it's weird she told you this. Do you think she was trying to impress you about how hot/sexy she is?

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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Stop hanging around those men if they're rude and disrespectful. They clearly have no respect for you if they're saying those things around you about the woman you're dating. Part of all this is you being a pushover and accepting poor behaviour of those around you. 

If you enjoy your partner and want to make this work, start acting like it and don't doubt her loyalty. If you can't do this cut each other loose. 

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Posted (edited)

Thank you for your responses

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How old is she?

Did you witness this, did your friends/housemates tell you this  or did she tell you all this? 

Are your friends teasing you about her? 

It seems she went through a party-girl phase, but either you get over it or you end it.

Her past is  none of your business, so it's weird she told you this. Do you think she was trying to impress you about how hot/sexy she is?

 

To clarify, I'm 23 and she 22.
I didn't witness everything, but there were parties that we both attended and where I saw it happening. I told her several times I didn't think it was a good idea, but she didn't really care at that time, and in the end, neither did I. I am pretty sure it had nothing to do with impressing me or something like that.
She only told me about it when I asked, since I witnessed some things and I wanted to know what happened in some cases instead of imagining the worst.
We talked about a lot and she understands me. She isn't proud of it and I am absolutely not fearing her cheating, ever.

 

35 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Stop hanging around those men if they're rude and disrespectful. They clearly have no respect for you if they're saying those things around you about the woman you're dating. Part of all this is you being a pushover and accepting poor behaviour of those around you. 

If you enjoy your partner and want to make this work, start acting like it and don't doubt her loyalty. If you can't do this cut each other loose. 

Thing is, I cannot just ignore those guys since I do enjoy their company and there are instances where I can't ignore them, like being in the same clubs and one of them being my roommate...

I don't regret being with her, on the contrary, I am just looking for ways to deal with it.

Edited by Misteryguy
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Time. It will take time for your feelings about this to soften, but sadly this is something that will always be there no matter what you do. If you keep hanging out with the guys, it will be there as a reminder...but their teasing over time will get old and they will stop it. Just dismiss it when it pops into your head. In the meantime, distract your thoughts with something else.

When you fall in love, it's normal to have pangs of jealousy. You just have to work through it.

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If these guys are your friends (true friends) then talk to them about it.

"Hey guys me and __________ are getting pretty serious and I love her so I  don't want to hear any more jokes about her at parties anymore okay?"   The friends that say "sure, no problem I was just kidding around but I won't do it again"  You keep them as friends and then ones that aren't respectful and understanding you dump.   Give them the knowledge of knowing it bothers you so they can choose their own path.

You know how guys are trying to be funny.

Lost

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18 minutes ago, Misteryguy said:

Thing is, I cannot just ignore those guys since I do enjoy their company and there are instances where I can't ignore them, like being in the same clubs and one of them being my roommate...

I don't regret being with her, on the contrary, I am just looking for ways to deal with it.

Then this is really on you and has nothing to do with your gf. If you hang around low quality people you're bound to have the same worries and concerns. You do have a choice about whom you let into your world. Right now your buddies' comments are conflicting with your love life, clouding your judgment and causing you to be insecure. Not a good look for you. 

Let them know their comments are not ok. If they don't get the point, they're not worth being friends with.

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IMO, as long as you're involved with this one, this won't fade.  As you're completely aware of her history.

You chose to get involved with her. So, you either have to grin & bear it, hoping it'll all ease or eventually give up.

You two are both still kinda young.. Are you sure she's 'calmed down' and more accepting of herself now?

This was all a while before you began dating?

* I have an ex, who was involved w/ a friend of mine( back at your ages), and it killed for yrs 😕 ... Took a while for me to be over all of that* 

 

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I dunno, I understand being young, but making out with basically your whole group of friends before you hooked up? That is something hard to shake by and something that I would consider before dating someone like that. Not because of friends, screw them if they are making fun of you, but because I would always doubt morals of somebody like that. Tomorrow if you break up would she get back to some of your friends? How about if you piss her off and she gets drunk?

However, you decided to have a relationship with this girl. So, you alone need to get passed that thoughts in your head. And to accept that it happened in the past, that she trully regrets it and that if you trust her that it wont happen again. That is all something you need to get through. 

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