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My boyfriend doesn’t want sex anymore


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Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and for the first year had very regular sex. Since the start of the year my boyfriend hasn’t wanted much sex or goes soft/can’t cum when we’re having sex.

He was trying to explain his problem but it slipped out that it’s bad, boring, he’s not that into it and that he only has sex with me so i don’t cheat on him... He’s said he didn’t mean it and its just because he’s really bad at communicating and keeps reassuring me that he doesn’t think thats. 

He’s also said its where he puts too much thought into making me orgasm then he doesn’t think of his own needs and stops enjoying it. And that he’s worrying that i’m not enjoying it so doesn’t focus on himself at all. I see him get so frustrated and embarrassed when it goes soft too. 

But i’ve now got it in my head that he isn’t sexually attracted to me and it’s making me self conscious and not want to have sex at all. I don’t want to make him feel bad but it’s been really upsetting me and i feel my confidence going down.

I also don’t like to talk to him about it because he is really bad at communicating and always says the wrong thing which makes it worse..

I just don’t know what to do anymore:( He’s the most perfect boyfriend, we never have any issues other than this so its just so sad.

He also isn’t a drinker or drug user so it’s not that...

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Our relationship is really great, except we don't have sex and don't communicate and when I try, he is mean. Pretty big problems, don't you think, OP? I'd say these are deal breakers or relationship ending type problems.

Anyway, you had a healthy sex life for the past year and then things changed abruptly. Typically when this happens, it's because he is hard for someone or something else. When you tried to approach him about it, he lashed out at you in such a cruel way probably because he was hoping you have enough self respect to dump him right there and then. He also projected about cheating. Pay attention.

I think this guy has a major character problem and you need to run from him like your hair is on fire. This is more toxic than you realize and it's already affecting your self esteem. Dump him and lose his number.

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29 minutes ago, Redhead333 said:

He’s the most perfect boyfriend, we never have any issues other than this so its just so sad.

Based on what you wrote, he is far from perfect. He's basically blaming you and being a jerk.

Dump this guy. You deserve better

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1 hour ago, Redhead333 said:

Since the start of the year my boyfriend hasn’t wanted much sex or goes soft/can’t cum when we’re having sex.

He was trying to explain his problem but it slipped out that it’s bad, boring, he’s not that into it and that he only has sex with me so i don’t cheat on him.

Sorry this is happening. Do not accept blame for his ED issues.

What happened in the beginning of the year if sex was decent prior to this?

It's odd he mentioned cheating out of nowhere, no?

How old is he? 

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2 hours ago, Redhead333 said:

it slipped out that it’s bad, boring, he’s not that into it and that he only has sex with me so i don’t cheat on him...

I would dump this guy so fast his head would spin. 

He's lost interest in you, OP. It hurts but this is a bell that you won't be able to unring. Time to break up. 

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Hey, OP.

It seems there are two factors at play here. 

First, he said he currently finds the sex with you uninteresting. That must have hurt to hear, but if it is true, it is true. It is good that he communicated that to you, otherwise you might never have known and it might have led to resentment. While communicating that information is solid, his delivery of that information was subpar. Further, you two did not spend time discussing how to make the sex more enjoyable or spice it up, which I find odd. Have you asked him what he likes or what he wants? Are you a generous lover (i.e., do you give or is it always him giving, initiating, etc.?)? Have you asked him if he has any kinks he wants to try with you?

Second, he is now worried about becoming soft during sex, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. He is worried about how you might react to him getting soft. The worry makes him lose potency. The best way to alleviate this is for you to take steps to reassure him. If it's soft, say "no big deal" and start doing something he likes, ideas: kissing and manual, oral, a kink, or etc. And just wait until he is erect before starting again. That way, he will learn/realize that it is not something to worry about: it just happens sometimes. It should not be treated as a dramatic or frustrating moment. 

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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Do you live together? All that matters are his actions, not what he says. If it's not adding up, don't stick around for it. You may be emotionally attached or wanting to help it along or make it work but it's not working.

It's absurd for him to expect you not to want to have sex or enjoy physical intimacy. That wouldn't sit well with me and very presumptuous and complacent of him. The attitude is seriously off on this. Why would you put up with that?

 

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