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I was seeing this guy for about 3mths. He initially pursued me and then eventually I was the one asking him to do things all the time. I am a single mom so I thought it was because of my schedule. He was always coming to my sons baseball games and practice along with coming over to just hangout most weekends and weekdays. I started to question him as to if he wanted a relationship. Cause to me it felt like that’s where we were headed, but I thought it was odd he never would initiate for us to go out. He said he’s not sure if he wants one or he’s not sure if he’s scared to get into one because of past relationships.  He also said he knows he doesn’t want to be single his whole life! I’m struggling with this because he says there’s nothing wrong with me and we have everything in common and our conversations are never ending and that he likes me. We would also text each other everyday. 
So I told him I think he needs sometime to figure things out and I respect that. Even though he’s never came out and said this is what he needs. After I said that he said how hard it was for him not to text me back that day and he wasn’t sure what to do. I’m not sure how to take that. I then asked him why pursue me in the beginning if you really weren’t sure you wanted a relationship. He never answered that question. I also asked is it something that you just lost interest in me as time has gone on. He answered that with “literally there’s nothing bad about you. Everything you do I like to do. I like you and I know I like to spend time with you and I could talk to you all day and all night and not look for something to keep talking about”

I told him I feel the same and I know he’s trying to figure things out and I respect that and I would leave things up to him if he wanted to visit and hangout. I told him I have no doubts I’d like to see where things could go. I just need him to know what he wants. He still says how hard it is not texting me and I agree it’s very hard cause I most definitely like this guy but I don’t know what to do with all this. To me if he likes me this much why not try for something. I get being scared cause I’ve definitely went through it with my ex, but there’s something about all this that seems right. I don’t want to let him go but maybe I need to..  

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You need to define what you have. Are you just somebody who talks? Or are you in a relationship? Because there is no point in pursuing a relationship with somebody who just wants you to be there for him to talk to everyday without any commitment. That is what friends are for, not romantic partners. So, try to define that soon and act accordingly. Meaning that yes, you will have to let him go if he doesnt want relationship and find somebody who actually does wants to be with you.

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28 minutes ago, Whiskey45 said:

He was always coming to my sons baseball games and practice along with coming over to just hangout most weekends and weekdays.

He said he’s not sure if he wants one or he’s not sure if he’s scared to get into one because of past relationships.  

Ok, stop letting him "hang out" at your place all the time. 

Dating is not about babysitting "scared" men.

When you stop allowing this you'll answer your inner questions.

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So you've barely known this guy for 3 months. That's nothing at all and you really don't know him even if all that talking makes you feel like you do. Realistically you do not.

You are also seemingly missing some big red flags. Sure he might have chased you initially, but at some point he turned the tables and you've been chasing him without even realizing it. As you said, you just thought it's because of your schedule. He is also pushing you away when you are asking for clarity and to define what you are. He isn't scared, OP, he knows what he is doing and he is telling you openly that he is not an emotionally healthy person who is willing to invest in a genuine relationship with you. This is your giant clue to step away.....better yet....ruuun.

Also, why is a stranger you barely know coming to your son's practice and games regularly. Please be more careful and more cautious about things like that. Again, emotions aside, you do not know this man.

Ultimately, this sounds a lot like a whirlwind that is dying out as they do. Whenever you have a man chase you hard, hot, and heavy, please understand that it's not a compliment or proof of their feelings but rather a giant red flag. 

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So often wanting a committed relationship with someone has little to do with a list of pros and cons even if the cons list is basically empty.  Call it chemistry, call it passion, call it clicking - you have to want it enough without needing to think about the "list".  He doesn't and I'd move on before your child gets attached.

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 I was the one asking him to do things all the time

Why was this all you?  I'd expect him to act as well.

Maybe is NOT a good idea to ask this dude to attend your kids games if he's just some passing guy .. of whom you are really not sure..?  Plus, all uncertainty in just 3 months.. not been a lot of time

Be cautious with all the person you bring around your kids.. take your time here.

 

4 hours ago, Whiskey45 said:

coming over to just hangout most weekends and weekdays. I started to question him as to if he wanted a relationship. Cause to me it felt like that’s where we were headed, but I thought it was odd he never would initiate for us to go out. He said he’s not sure if he wants one or he’s not sure if he’s scared to get into one because of past relationships.

- Okay, so how I see this.. is he is NOT ready to admit he actually wants one 😕 .

Then yeah.. what the heck is this?

Is good you asked.. I'd be wondering too!

It's been 3 months.. figure it out.

 

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4 hours ago, Whiskey45 said:

He still says how hard it is not texting me and I agree it’s very hard 

I don't understand this. You guys aren't in LDR but you both are heavily reliant on each other's company via texting. 

Look, he needs therapy or need to do some soul searching without you involve. This is a man who doesn't know what he wants, or if he does know, he's not letting you know because he doesn't want to hurt you or/and he still want to use you for your company.

If you don't want to be used for just your company (and whatever other conveniences you are providing him) and you want a man to want you and love you like you deserve to be, this isn't the guy.

 

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4 hours ago, Whiskey45 said:

He was always coming to my sons baseball games and practice along with coming over to just hangout most weekends and weekdays.

Unfortunately, this has creepshow written all over it. Your son needs his real father, not some BF-come-lately. 

Be much more careful with your child and weirdos like this.  And then the 'too scared for a relationship' thing. Ask yourself why he is even there.

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Posted (edited)

Get rid of him...all you are is a place holder until he does meet someone.

We've seen it all before on here...the guy says one day "I don't think this is working for me, then the OP see him smiling in pictures with his new GF posted on FB.

Edited by smackie9
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