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So me and my long distance boyfriend have been dating for 3 months. I am being admitted into hospital for an arm injury that's has resulted in me being diagnosed with auto immune disease (which hasn't set well with me). He knows I'm an emotional person I asked if he could fly out to come and be with me (I'm from Sydney and he is In Adelaide), and he says he can't because he is busy with work and it is not worth just coming for 1 day. I thought if your partner is In hospital for no matter the reason you would drop everything to be there for them. He reckons him messaging and calling me is his support for not being present. Am i over reacting? 

 

 

(Sorry to put this publicly.. I don't have many friends so I thought to reach out here)

Edited by Christine
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1 hour ago, Christine said:

So me and my long distance boyfriend have been dating for 3 months.. I asked if he could fly out to come and be with me and he says he can't because he is busy with work and it is not worth just coming for 1 day.

Have you met in person? Ask friends and family to be with you. Someone you are talking to for 3 mos is not the right person to ask to make that trip.

 

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38 minutes ago, Christine said:

Yeah we see each other once a month and have been talking for 8 months. 

Ok, that's enough time to determine if you are compatible as far as expectations go. How old is he?

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1 hour ago, Christine said:

Yeah we see each other once a month and have been talking for 8 months. 

I hope you feel much better soon.  Someone who has had three dates with you doesn't need to drop everything to visit you in the hospital.  Your spouse -of course - your long term boyfriend - maybe but again depends on what the person's other responsibilities are.  I went to the ER when our son was 2 weeks old.  My husband didn't come -he stayed home with our baby.  A week later he left for a business trip and I started having some concerning symptoms.  He didn't rush home -he had to work.  Did he care? Of course!  There are many many times a partner cannot drop everything when it comes to illness. 

My husband was 800 miles away when I was 39 weeks pregnant. Guess what? My mom had to take me to the hospital in labor because my husband was working.  He got a flight in -yes, a partner should drop everything for the birth of his child - but no he didn't stop all his work because I might go into labor early.  

We are all emotional people.  If you are overly emotional that's fine - that's on you - you can't expect a partner to accommodate your choice to react to feelings with a level of emotion that requires a partner to drop everything when ordinarily he wouldn't.  If it's at a point where you need therapy or medication you can pursue that but it's not your partner's job to put you above all else because you consider yourself to be "emotional."

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I guess, realistically speaking... you two have not had a whole lot of actual 'together times'.

And you are of some distance ... would of  course be so much easier, if he was close by, but he isn't 😕 ... that, of course complicates things.

He does care, I'm sure, but maybe try to be understanding in this matter.  His work is necessary and often unless they have holiday time 'booked', they can't just take off for a while. ( Unless family emergency).

So, maybe you try to not get too emotional over the facts.. and be happy that he WILL continue to reach out during your challenging time.

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3 hours ago, Christine said:

Im 23 he's 26 

This is why dating someone over 1100 km, over 14 hr. drive, over 1 hr. flight away is a really bad idea.

Rethink this and consider dating locally if you want a steady BF.

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It's not reasonable. There's nothing wrong wanting your partner to be there for you but the long distance may be an issue in instances like this. If you're looking for this to work, more understanding is needed and mutual respect for your existing commitments. 

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