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I really like this girl, but I'm afraid of letting my feelings just go.


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So, for the past 3 weeks - 1 month, I've been talking more and more with a girl I developed a crush on.

We've been talking nonstop for the last week, 24/7, and we share so many things in common. Our likes and dislikes, our future, our past, basically 90% of everything we share in common. We talk about the most weird things, and even in that we share something in common.

She also ended a 2 year relationship around the same time we started talking more, so that's probably the main factor that's holding me back: She is not ready for another one.

Then you also have me, a person who was never in a relationship and has absolutely no experience with dating and all.

Everytime we talk I flirt here and there, tell her how her smile is beautiful, how she is smart, and how I value her for that.

 

Things that make me wanna do it:

- The agony of my feelings being stuck

- The things we share in common, and how I can live an happy life with it

 

Things that hold me back:

- She recently ended a relationship and she might be recovering from it

- We could talk for a bit more time (though only via social network since school will soon close, and my family is restrict about me leaving home and going around visiting places and similar things)

 

What's your opinion on this people?

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23 minutes ago, Kimba said:

for the past 3 weeks - 1 month, I've been talking more and more with a girl I developed a crush on.

She also ended a 2 year relationship around the same time we started talking more, so that's probably the main factor that's holding me back: She is not ready for another one.

 

Have you met in person? How old is she?

Make sure you are not spending all this time in the friendzone or free therapy zone or ego-booster zone.

 If you have a crush, where would you like this to go?

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57 minutes ago, Kimba said:

Everytime we talk I flirt here and there, tell her how her smile is beautiful, how she is smart, and how I value her for that.

 

How does she reacts to this? 

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Posted (edited)
36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person? How old is she?

Make sure you are not spending all this time in the friendzone or free therapy zone or ego-booster zone.

 If you have a crush, where would you like this to go?

Well yeah, she's a classmate. We talk everyday, although not much in person because I'm a bit embarassed of flirting and all in public (and I even told her that).

I don't know what are the signs of friendzone, but I can give some context on what happens when I flirt with her. Normally she say's I'm very sweet, she thanks me. We don't talk much about love, but today she drew a stomach with butterflies in it, and I asked some context in it. She said she made it because when you love someone, it's like something makes you stuck, you know where it's getting.

And to be honest, I'm really looking for a relationship. Me and her share so much in common, we laugh so much, we are at ease with one another. She is the first person I actually wanna give my heart too.

But again, something pushes me back to opening myself to her as I mentioned in the reasons above. Maybe I should do, maybe I shouldn't, school is gonna end soon, and well, I don't think I'm gonna do it.

 

EDIT: We are the same age, same class. Her birthday is actually one day before mine! One of the things she actually associates with we having so much in common is our Horoscope (it's pretty much the same, except for one or two small differences).

Edited by Kimba
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2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

How does she reacts to this? 

Well she always says "Oh thank you, you're really sweet" and sends me an heart (although hearts are really common to be honest, so I don't see that as a sign). The first times I started flirting she would say "Oh damn, I don't even know how to react, that's really sweet, thanks". 

But overall, the core answer is the same: I'm "sweet".

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45 minutes ago, Kimba said:

Well she always says "Oh thank you, you're really sweet" and sends me an heart (although hearts are really common to be honest, so I don't see that as a sign). The first times I started flirting she would say "Oh damn, I don't even know how to react, that's really sweet, thanks". 

But overall, the core answer is the same: I'm "sweet".

That is not bad, but yes it doesnt mean too much. School is almost over but ask for a date and see where it goes. Be specific that it is a date though. See what she says, she would probably tell you if its a good idea or not. And I am sure your family would get if you want to take her out for at least a walk.

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1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

That is not bad, but yes it doesnt mean too much. School is almost over but ask for a date and see where it goes. Be specific that it is a date though. See what she says, she would probably tell you if its a good idea or not. And I am sure your family would get if you want to take her out for at least a walk.

Well we already have planned to watch a series together, so that might be my chance to get even closer to her.

Not only this, but thursday and friday is also another chance because there is going to be an initiative, and I'll go with her to the place.

Right now, I'm really just trying to figure out if she feels the same way or if she just wants to be friends. That'll save me alot of suffering from the potential "no" I would get, and the friendship I would possibly lose.

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But you've only been crushing for one month. Enjoy hanging out together and keep it casual. If you both get along you'll probably be hanging out this summer too. Don't worry about telling her your feelings right this moment or rushing anything. The timing is off if she's just ended a relationship. 

What you do is remain observant and respectful with the level of flirting and if she doesn't reciprocate one day don't read into it. If you feel yourself hanging off of every word she says you're probably getting way too attached. Relax and hang out with other friends also.

See where the next couple of months takes you and enjoy the company. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable asking her out on a date in the coming months/weeks. Trust your instincts on this and relax.

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Well, due to my lack of experience, my instinct is just telling me "do it".

But I understand, one of the things that pushes me back is exactly how recent this is. 

The thing I possibly fear most is that with summer coming up, we wont see each other personally, and we will only talk via instagram and stuff. Maybe some of the essence will be lost there.

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My best advice for you is to don't rush. Don't put pressure on yourself that you have to tell her right away! It's only been a month 🙂 You can tell her later on once this burden has lessen throughout the time you spent together.

I waited about 4-5 years to tell my best friend I like him. It didn't go wrong at all! 

Just try and prepare yourself and don't rush. Most importantly, try and be yourself! If you prep up, she'll might say yes to the side instead of you. 

I wish you luck!

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8 hours ago, Andrina said:

Did she tell you she's not ready to date or is that your assumption?

It's really my assumption based on every relationship I witnessed happening. A person opens himself to another that recently quit from a relationship, and says that he's not ready for another

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If she's not putting any effort trying to contact you or showing signs of interest, I would just back off a bit. Keep things positive until she gets over that breakup which is probably very difficult for her otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it

 

 

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47 minutes ago, mical said:

If she's not putting any effort trying to contact you or showing signs of interest, I would just back off a bit. Keep things positive until she gets over that breakup which is probably very difficult for her otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it

 

 

Well I really don't know how to understand if she's putting effort or not...

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2 minutes ago, Kimba said:

Well I really don't know how to understand if she's putting effort or not...

Well, is she coming up and approaching you? Is she asking you lots of questions and wanting to get to know you? Has she hinted about going out? Does she ever text you first or you are able to have nice conversations?

If not, then I would definitely not share all of your feelings to her. It really wouldn't help at this stage. Sure, it is good to say your feelings, but I would wait at least until the time is right..

Anyway, you still have a shot at this I would think, just keep things positive, make her smile, don't try so hard, and just maybe think of some way to invite her out sometime..

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OK So time to give an update to you all:

- Today she came out as Bi to me, she said she hasnt told many people, and that she really appreciated I accepted her. Sign of trust right?

- We are going to watch Breaking Bad personally next Wednesday at her house. Thinking of buying her favourite popcorn. Any other ideas?

Other info:

- We wake up each other everyday, with some cute cat photos.

- I flirt around 2-3 times a day with her, she says "That's sweet"

- We talk about each other's routines

 

 

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, mical said:

Well, is she coming up and approaching you? Is she asking you lots of questions and wanting to get to know you? Has she hinted about going out? Does she ever text you first or you are able to have nice conversations?

If not, then I would definitely not share all of your feelings to her. It really wouldn't help at this stage. Sure, it is good to say your feelings, but I would wait at least until the time is right..

Anyway, you still have a shot at this I would think, just keep things positive, make her smile, don't try so hard, and just maybe think of some way to invite her out sometime..

She is!

She has asked me about a lot of stuff, even the weirdest things. What food we like, what films we like, she has even asked me what was my first impression of her (which surprised me). I really can't count the things we have in common that she asked. We've talked about intimate things but not much.

She texts me first in the morning by waking me up with kitten photos, and we talk. I do that too, but it's really a competition to who wakes up first hehe

Edited by Kimba
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Just now, Kimba said:

She is!

She has asked me about a lot of stuff, even the weirdest things. What food we like, what films we like, she has even asked me what was my first impression of her (which surprised me). We've talked about intimate things but not much.

She texts me first in the morning by waking me up with kitten photos, and we talk. I do that too, but it's really a competition to who wakes up first hehe

That's awesome! So she definitely likes you and sure go ahead and share some feelings when the time is right...or even in a fun playful kind of way.. You could always bring a bottle of wine and have a glass to watch the movie with.

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, mical said:

That's awesome! So she definitely likes you and sure go ahead and share some feelings when the time is right...or even in a fun playful kind of way.. You could always bring a bottle of wine and have a glass to watch the movie with.

Well, what if she is just like this with her close friends?

What Im saying basically is, what if she also makes all these questions, wakes up everyone else too. Surely isnt just me, she is super open with people, maybe it's not as linear as I wanted it to be.

Edited by Kimba
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Nah, if she just wanted to just be friends she wouldn't have invited you to her place. That's why I'd bring some vino..it makes it just that bit more like a date (you may get some responses that alcohol is bad lol, but just 1-2 glasses is fine). Will be fine!

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Posted (edited)

So another update:

I managed to make a bet with her and, before heading to her place, we will go either to a library with the books she loves or go to the riverside and eat some custard tarts.

Either way, I'll take her favourite popcorn and possible her favourite food which is strawberries.

 Can't wait for the day to come, thanks for all the help guys and girls 🙂

Edited by Kimba
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Alcohol is a bad idea.

The last thing you need is for something physical to happen and she tells you it only happened because she was drunk.

Does she flirt back? Or just say "that's sweet"?

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