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7 months of limbo


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6 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

If possible, avoid this now, for a while. Do NOT intend to go out of your way to run into her. Don't make things more awkward.

 

At this time, i will say you ARE wanting her to come back, of course (denial), is a form of 'grieving'.  Its normal ( look up stages of grief).

 

Re: the kids ( they are hers).  You may not be able to see them again - isn't this what you said she stated at one point?  I have an ex, and he hardly ever saw my older 2 boys ( which were not his).  His basic focus was on the 2 that were his own, only).

She does not need to be 'nasty', just honest.

 

*The same as when you first split*?  meaning what/how?  - Just how you felt with it, or there was maybe someone else?

Whether she has somebody or not.  Is not your concern anymore.  You need to TRY really hard to back off, totally.  No matter what her actions are.

Yes, acceptance takes a while.  So, you have to see it as to expect nothing more.

I am for sure I am wanting her come back as this as only been since last Friday. I don’t deny that at all. 
but I know reality is quite different. I’m more of case she has always come back in the past 6/7 months but it does feel different this time. Not that I’m saying worse or better but it feels she as got rid of her dead weight(me)

she wants to focus on her future and on her words I’m not part of that,but she said this previously 

 

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16 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

I’m more of case she has always come back in the past 6/7 months but it does feel different this time. Not that I’m saying worse or better but it feels she as got rid of her dead weight(me)

she wants to focus on her future and on her words I’m not part of that,but she said this previously 

Okay.. so, as it sits.. You are still with 'hope'?

Again... will take some time to accept, all due to your experience in all of this.

It does sound like she is done now.

(She has tried that second attempt and realized it just isn't the same 😕 ).

You two split for reasons:

we have been in this limbo now of pushing and pulling for 6 months now until lately she finally wrote a message after spending the weekend together to finally say she has to let me go as much as I’ve changed from past problems in the relationship she can’t forget the past.

Okay, so something had happened, to get to this point.. and in time, she fell back & went to 'try again'... and this is where you're at now. ... She did try again.

Push & pull is nasty 😕 .. It is very unsettling & very unstable = more damages ( negative effects).  In ways, I am sure YOU wish it never happened.

Now... step back.. catch your breath... and leave her be.

It's needed so you can BOTH accept & move on from all of this- which is no more.

 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay.. so, as it sits.. You are still with 'hope'?

Again... will take some time to accept, all due to your experience in all of this.

It does sound like she is done now.

(She has tried that second attempt and realized it just isn't the same 😕 ).

You two split for reasons:

we have been in this limbo now of pushing and pulling for 6 months now until lately she finally wrote a message after spending the weekend together to finally say she has to let me go as much as I’ve changed from past problems in the relationship she can’t forget the past.

Okay, so something had happened, to get to this point.. and in time, she fell back & went to 'try again'... and this is where you're at now. ... She did try again.

Push & pull is nasty 😕 .. It is very unsettling & very unstable = more damages ( negative effects).  In ways, I am sure YOU wish it never happened.

Now... step back.. catch your breath... and leave her be.

It's needed so you can BOTH accept & move on from all of this- which is no more.

 

 

 

Was I wrong to fall back into contact so soon then?

it just felt natural and a relief to hear from her and was on her terms then! Because she contacted me!

maybe I’ve come on too strong too soon though.

I understand how adamant your view is but people do also get back together I’m not saying that here but if we all gave up so soon nobody ever would?

I suppose she has tried while still having those memories which wasn’t wise on either side but probably both selfish in that sense. And all the pressure combined as made her run.

im not making excuses I’m just saying.

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9 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

Was I wrong to fall back into contact so soon then?

it just felt natural and a relief to hear from her and was on her terms then! Because she contacted me!

How do you mean, with YOU falling back into contact so soon?

She reached out to you.. she gave it another attempt.. But, as you both realize it's not the same anymore.. ( too much damage done..etc).

11 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

I understand how adamant your view is but people do also get back together I’m not saying that here but if we all gave up so soon nobody ever would?

Yes, on occasion they do and can actually end up working things out.

But, her push & pull has shown how unstable she was in this.  She wasn't all that sure IF this was right thing to do.. and now she's pulled away again 😕 .

None of this is doing either of you any good.

I think she's finally come to the realization AND acceptance that it is NOT salvageable.  And now want & needs to move on with distance necessary.

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7 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

How do you mean, with YOU falling back into contact so soon?

She reached out to you.. she gave it another attempt.. But, as you both realize it's not the same anymore.. ( too much damage done..etc).

Yes, on occasion they do and can actually end up working things out.

But, her push & pull has shown how unstable she was in this.  She wasn't all that sure IF this was right thing to do.. and now she's pulled away again 😕 .

None of this is doing either of you any good.

I think she's finally come to the realization AND acceptance that it is NOT salvageable.  And now want & needs to move on with distance necessary.

I just meant in terms of after the relationship she got back in touch after 3/4 weeks (for a hook up I know) and it developed fast that spend more time together and then now she’s pulled away again.

what’s to say she won’t reach out again? As previous.

 

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20 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

I understand how adamant your view is but people do also get back together I’m not saying that here but if we all gave up so soon nobody ever would?

Again, both people have to want this. She currently does not.

It wouldn't matter if you messaged her less or messaged her more or took longer to respond or whatever. She has made this decision.

It's only been a few days so it's not surprising you're spinning and trying to find the answer you want. But I would not pursue her further. 

Keep in mind even if she did circle back around she will likely do this again (end it).

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6 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

what’s to say she won’t reach out again? As previous.

Okay.. yeah.... (rinse & repeat?) 😕 

is this what you want?  Truly?

OR do you want someone in your life who IS truly all into you? Who does know what they want... instead of treating you like this... You should not be accepting of any of this.

Know the saying.. "It's all or nothing".

And as mentioned :

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Keep in mind even if she did circle back around she will likely do this again (end it).

 

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Just now, SooSad33 said:

Okay.. yeah.... (rinse & repeat?) 😕 

is this what you want?  Truly?

OR do you want someone in your life who IS truly all into you? Who does know what they want... instead of treating you like this... You should not be accepting of any of this.

Know the saying.. "It's all or nothing".

And as mentioned :

 

So any form of contact would push her further away? A letter etc..not to want her back but leave her on I feel as last time I saw her was the weekend we spent away and feels awful leave it on a text message.

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14 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

So any form of contact would push her further away? A letter etc..not to want her back but leave her on I feel as last time I saw her was the weekend we spent away and feels awful leave it on a text message.

No.  Nothing.

If you want to write to her.  Do it a a journal type.  And leave it that way... Say all you want there but don't send.

She has made her point.  She has explained all she needs to.

You cannot keep at her.. but respect her (wishes).  Which is to work on accepting this and back away.  - Let her move on. (and remember.. a good way to work on all of this is to do the love/hate thing).  Hate her for doing this to you.  Leading you on again then walking away - Be ticked off!  Get it out of you.  The anger will rise and it will will ease off.. Is all part of the process.

Step back.  Look at ALL of this, that has happened.

You NEED to fight all going on internally, realizing it will do you no good to keep chasing 😕 .  Is just time to stop.  Give it up.

I had someone do this to me as well.  He had pulled away a bit.. then came back around for a while.. only to distance again.. and again!

Why did it all happen?  Because I allowed it! , So, I did not blame him for everything ( though I was ticked off for his behaviour) .. I allowed it. I kept letting him back - because yes, I had 'feelings'.. darn it 😕 .

Eventually I faught all of it.  I stopped all interactions.  I stopped responding to his msg's etc. Has been almost 2 yrs now.  I realize what it was doing to me!  (yes, he also had someone else on the go - was like a back & forth between me & her).  BUT, I was not going to do it anymore.. so I just walked.

I said to myself.. this is un real.. this is sooo unfair! 😕 .  She can have him!  I tried.  And he lost me in his games.

That kind of behaviour is damaging.  I realized that.  So, I found my inner strength and just walked away.  I had no more energy for that.

We need to learn our limits.  What we can or cannot handle or tolerate.

IF she was so into you, she'd be there, with you.. right?

Then be strong now.  Focus on YOU and take care of you!

 

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10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

No.  Nothing.

If you want to write to her.  Do it a a journal type.  And leave it that way... Say all you want there but don't send.

She has made her point.  She has explained all she needs to.

You cannot keep at her.. but respect her (wishes).  Which is to work on accepting this and back away.  - Let her move on. (and remember.. a good way to work on all of this is to do the love/hate thing).  Hate her for doing this to you.  Leading you on again then walking away - Be ticked off!  Get it out of you.  The anger will rise and it will will ease off.. Is all part of the process.

Step back.  Look at ALL of this, that has happened.

You NEED to fight all going on internally, realizing it will do you no good to keep chasing 😕 .  Is just time to stop.  Give it up.

I had someone do this to me as well.  He had pulled away a bit.. then came back around for a while.. only to distance again.. and again!

Why did it all happen?  Because I allowed it! , So, I did not blame him for everything ( though I was ticked off for his behaviour) .. I allowed it. I kept letting him back - because yes, I had 'feelings'.. darn it 😕 .

Eventually I faught all of it.  I stopped all interactions.  I stopped responding to his msg's etc. Has been almost 2 yrs now.  I realize what it was doing to me!  (yes, he also had someone else on the go - was like a back & forth between me & her).  BUT, I was not going to do it anymore.. so I just walked.

I said to myself.. this is un real.. this is sooo unfair! 😕 .  She can have him!  I tried.  And he lost me in his games.

That kind of behaviour is damaging.  I realized that.  So, I found my inner strength and just walked away.  I had no more energy for that.

We need to learn our limits.  What we can or cannot handle or tolerate.

IF she was so into you, she'd be there, with you.. right?

Then be strong now.  Focus on YOU and take care of you!

 

Maybe she would or maybe she needs get rid of all that pain!

it’s always the unknown that kills or the what ifs I suppose I kind of do realise I’m in no position to contact her!

I don’t feel it is games on her side and she has been battling inside with everything and our relationship.

but she needs her time now also! I will respect that I aren’t the person to go over her boundaries now she as said for fear of been blocked etc and I hope it would t come to that!

but if it was someone else then I hoped she would of said as in a way it would of made it easier

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8 minutes ago, Johnb17 said:

it’s always the unknown that kills or the what ifs I suppose I kind of do realise I’m in no position to contact her!

That's right.  And we do that a lot 😕 .

But, we have to do it all on our own ( or vent with friends etc).

Good on you to act respectively now.

 

Re: if possibly is someone else.  Does not matter now.

Aim your focus on yourself.  Take care of YOU.

Is her choice on what she does now.  Nothing to do with you. So, do your best to leave that alone.

 

Give it all time.  This is what you need. And less contact or following, the better!  In order to let go & move along.

I have had ex's want to be 'friends', but many find they can't do it 😕 .  is best to cut it clean.  No expectations. As it is very hard to accept something like a friendship, when you've crossed that line.

Plus, less we know the better.  

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11 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

That's right.  And we do that a lot 😕 .

But, we have to do it all on our own ( or vent with friends etc).

Good on you to act respectively now.

 

Re: if possibly is someone else.  Does not matter now.

Aim your focus on yourself.  Take care of YOU.

Is her choice on what she does now.  Nothing to do with you. So, do your best to leave that alone.

 

Give it all time.  This is what you need. And less contact or following, the better!  In order to let go & move along.

I have had ex's want to be 'friends', but many find they can't do it 😕 .  is best to cut it clean.  No expectations. As it is very hard to accept something like a friendship, when you've crossed that line.

Plus, less we know the better.  

I suppose deep down I want know if I will see or hear off her or the kids again really. That’s the painful part..a death in a sense.

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