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I have been dating my bf for 18 months. The mother of his children passed away so I have been involved with the children whom I love dearly.

We have had our ups and downs over the months but it's usually the little things.

Recently I received messages on FB from a fake account. The girl on there claims to have slept with my bf. She said he would go to hers or stay in a hotel. 

Recently he has been moody and snarling at me. He always said I'm welcome round his anytime  but when I've been round lately he looks at me like a piece of dog poo and snarls at me "why are you even here?" "I'm busy" etc. He wouldn't let me in the house once saying it was a bad time.

I've found womens items around the house and he says it's stuff belonging to his late partner. That then makes me feels bad

He came to mine last Friday and I went all.out....sexy, nice food etc. He stayed two hours and said he had to go and see a man about a dog.(this was at 2245) He said he would be back...he never came back.

His friend died recently followed by his cousin so I've been putting his mood swings down to that.

I just dont know what to do about this cyber stranger as I have no actual.proof and I know he will throw that back at me.

I'm.stuck between a rock and the hard place here!! Appreciate advice x

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Whether or not this mystery person is telling the truth, this guy treats you like crap and you’d be wise to walk away. Why do you tolerate this, and reward it by trying to be sexy for him?

It sounds like he wants to break up, and is hoping you’ll do the dirty work and end it so that he doesn’t have to.

Bur for what it’s worth? I’d say there’s a grain of truth to what this person is telling you. His bad behaviour toward you coupled with these allegations indicates there are definitely things he’s not being honest about. 

How did he explain never coming back from seeing a guy about his “dog”? Where did he say he was all night? Why was it a “bad time” when he wouldn’t let you in the house?

it sounds to me like you know in your heart that he’s probably cheating but you were hopIng that it not true. If you want proof, ask the online stranger for some. Surely she’s got messages or other tangible evidence of her interactions with him. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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He said he had to help his mate out and by the time they sorted his problem it was very late. He said he couldn't drive around to mine at that time of night cause he has 22 points on his licence (I didnt know this)

When he wouldn't let me in he said it was a bad time as he was trying to sleep. He has been sleep deprived since his friend died. I returned a few minutes later and he was talking to a female friend in his kitchen. He said she had just popped round that second. 

I questioned him about why she was allowed in and I wasn't. He said he was half asleep when he answered the door to me and then said "how do you think I stayed with my late gf for 17 yrs? It's because I'm not a cheater but if you feel that way then you know what to"

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Moody and snarling? Probably best to take a good hard look at what this relationship means to you and how it's adding (or taking away) from your life in general. He treats you badly and you keep coming around. This only reinforces the poor treatment. 

Why do you keep rewarding that behaviour from him? Distance yourself, stay in your own home, rethink all of this and what family means to you. Focus on your own family, leave his kids out of this. Don't bother with the facebook random.

The way he speaks to you would be reason enough for me to shut the door on this. You don't deserve that and you know that. Raise your standards. This relationship has lost its steam a long time ago.

 

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3 hours ago, 74Grfs5 said:

He said he had to help his mate out and by the time they sorted his problem it was very late. He said he couldn't drive around to mine at that time of night cause he has 22 points on his licence (I didnt know this)

And he could not call you to tell you this? He's full of crap.

 

3 hours ago, 74Grfs5 said:

When he wouldn't let me in he said it was a bad time as he was trying to sleep. He has been sleep deprived since his friend died. I returned a few minutes later and he was talking to a female friend in his kitchen. He said she had just popped round that second. 

More like she popped out of the closet she hid in when she heard you at his door.

Hon, what more proof do you need that this guy sees other women? I would not tolerate this for a moment. You don't need to show him evidence. What he does right to your face is bad enough. 

Why are you still with this clown?

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5 hours ago, 74Grfs5 said:

I have been dating my bf for 18 months.  I have been involved with the children . We have had our ups and downs over the months when I've been round lately he looks at me like a piece of dog poo and snarls at me "why are you even here?" "I'm busy" etc. He wouldn't let me in the house once saying it was a bad time.

You need to end it. You shouldn't be babysitting or "involved with his kids". That's for him and his family and their extended family.

 In 18 short mos., there are too many "ups and downs", which is not normal for dating this amount of time.

 Stop hanging out at his place. Are you showing up unannounced checking up on him? That's what it appears like.

Just cut your losses. He's nasty to you and you are wasting your time with someone like this.

 

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He has always said to come by his or pop in anytime and that I don't need to ring first. He said to treat it as if its my own home, so yes I do pop in unannounced. I always used to ring first but he said no need!! 

You are right though I need to leave him. Just gotta find the strength 💪

 

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1 minute ago, 74Grfs5 said:

He has always said to come by his or pop in anytime and that I don't need to ring first. He said to treat it as if its my own home, so yes I do pop in unannounced.

It's not your home, so don't treat it that way. No, you are not welcomed to stop by if he doesn't let you in.

You need to end it, he treats you poorly. Why complain and stay? Cut your losses.

What "strength"? 18 mos., he treats you like unwelcomed trash and you are not that involved anyway.

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On 6/8/2021 at 1:40 AM, 74Grfs5 said:

When he wouldn't let me in he said it was a bad time as he was trying to sleep..... I returned a few minutes later and he was talking to a female friend in his kitchen. He said she had just popped round that second.

Ummmmmm..... Why was she allowed in his house but not you? 

On 6/8/2021 at 5:39 AM, MissCanuck said:

More like she popped out of the closet she hid in when she heard you at his door.

Right.

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On 6/8/2021 at 1:42 AM, 74Grfs5 said:

I asked the cyber girl for proof and she said if I don't believe her then that's up to me

Well, someone going out of their way to tell you something like this is a form of evidence in its own right. Maybe it's not 100% proof, but you have to ask yourself why someone would go through the trouble to tell you about it if it weren't true. 

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1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

I think he's seeing someone else.

Me too and more than one most likely.  If he told you to stop by anytime then you should, of course!  I bet the stranger is telling the truth but from all else you said -who cares- he's treating you like crap - get out and don't look back.

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13 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Ummmmmm..... Why was she allowed in his house but not you? 

Exactly! I asked him that and he said he was tired and confused when I knocked on the door.

As I'm writing this down I'm realising how stupid I sound!!!

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1 hour ago, 74Grfs5 said:

As I'm writing this down I'm realising how stupid I sound!!!

LOL. Well, don't worry about that. Worry about how stupid you're being!!!

Please don't take offense, I don't mean that you are a stupid person.

But look at the kind of crap that you're taking from him. Look at what you're accepting.

How confusing is it to answer a door? Is he that much of an idiot?

Do you think that accepting his lies is going to lead you some place good? Probably not.

It's like allowing yourself to wander down a dark alley at midnight, in the middle of a ghetto. 

Edited by Jibralta
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On 6/8/2021 at 7:11 AM, 74Grfs5 said:

(...)

Recently he has been moody and snarling at me. He always said I'm welcome round his anytime  but when I've been round lately he looks at me like a piece of dog poo and snarls at me "why are you even here?" "I'm busy" etc. He wouldn't let me in the house once saying it was a bad time.

(...)

He said he would be back...he never came back.

He is treating you poorly (I've singled out the examples of poor treatment in your original post). Whether the cyber stranger is telling the truth or not is not even the biggest issue here.

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I'm not proud of this so please dont judge me but the anonymous person could be telling the truth. I've made anonymous accounts to message "the other woman" before. 

My ex was talking to her while talking to me and we both didn't know he was doing this/didn't even know each other even existed. When I first found out I made a fake account and dropped a bomb that he was playing her. My reasoning? 

- I knew she didn't even know I existed. 

- I was petty and hurt. I got annoyed that he did what he did with zero consequences and jumped right into another relationship as if it didn't happen.

- I knew that she was the one actually nearing a relationship with him and that it would be ethical to tell her the circumstances

- I knew this particular man has never been caught and would freeze up if he were questioned by her. I wanted to plant a seed of doubt because I knew once she confronted him, his reaction would immediately tell on himself. 

- I knew if I messaged from my own account I would be seen as a threat and she would immediately write me off as "the scorned woman" 

Her reaction? 

She didn't take it seriously because it came from an anonymous account. A few weeks went by and she was online discussing how she was cheated on which leads me to believe that she found ANOTHER woman he was playing. 

Moral of the story? 

If someone is anonymously messaging you with stuff like this, you should always do your research. 

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