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How do I apologize to my crush after I snapped at her?


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So there's this girl that I've been crushing on for a while, but I recently found out that she has a new boyfriend. They very recently started dating just a couple of weeks ago and that was a big blow to me since I'd been wanting to ask her out. She would daily come into the store that I work at and at least wave at me, if not stop by to have a full conversation with me. She even once invited me to attend a New Year's party with her, but I declined since I had other plans that I couldn't bail on.

I've spent the last week trying to get the chance to have a conversation with her and today I went for it. She's stopped coming into my store, so I decided to just create a Facebook account and message her. I came clean to her and admitted my feelings, telling her that I want one more chance with her and that I shouldn't have kept her waiting. She explained to me that she did like me for a while, but she eventually got tired of waiting around for me and moved on to another guy whom she recently met at our local motorcross racetrack. She spends a lot of her free time doing motorsports on her bike and she met her new boyfriend partaking in this activity.

She also explained that the best case scenario for us for the time being is to be friends and that she can occasionally stop in my store and we'd be able to ineract without it being awkward, but I didn't want that. I told her that I want to be in a relationship with her, but she kept reiterating that she's with her new boyfriend, Kyle. I snapped and sent her a message full of insults, cuss words, and the middle finger emoji. I completely lost my temper and she ended up blocking me. 

Now I'm thinking of offering an apology to her. I could create an Instagram and message her on that site. I just really want to be with her and I want to stay in her mind as an option in case things don't work out with Kyle. Should I even bother apologizing and what should I say to her?

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Uhmm, NO. I wouldn't bother trying to recover from that. I'd take this as a go-forward lesson that resorting to acting like a 12 year old will pretty much seal that deal. With anyone.

Seems like Kyle actually goes out and does stuff. He doesn't wait in line for Pokemon cards on Friday nights. He doesn't spend all his time gaming, watching TV and eating pizza. And he actually s

You are judgmental, rude, condescending and angry, OP. That’s where you’re going wrong. You need a serious attitude adjustment and to get down off your high horse.   

32 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I snapped and sent her a message full of insults, cuss words, and the middle finger emoji.

Uhmm, NO. I wouldn't bother trying to recover from that.

I'd take this as a go-forward lesson that resorting to acting like a 12 year old will pretty much seal that deal.

With anyone.

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19 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Uhmm, NO. I wouldn't bother trying to recover from that.

I'd take this as a go-forward lesson that resorting to acting like a 12 year old will pretty much seal that deal.

With anyone.

So that's it then? It's done and I no longer stand a chance with her?

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8 minutes ago, That36guy said:

So that's it then? It's done and I no longer stand a chance with her?

Yes, this is done.

Not sure why you thought acting like that would make her want to break up with Kyle and be with you, but as you can see your tactics didn't work. 

Like I said in your previous thread, lesson learned. You can move on from this. But please, no more creating accounts to try to contact her.

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Your chance is long gone. This girl has a new boyfriend and now on top of it, you attacked her.

Please leave her alone.

If you keep on, there's a good chance she'll contact the police and you'll be forced to let her be.

 

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I will add though, you should be looking into an anger management course. Your temper got way too out of hand and it could get you into serious trouble one day.

You have to be okay with letting go of things that aren't for you, or when things don't work out.

Even if someone is being harsh towards you, you have to just take a deep breath and walk away.

But honestly, please look into some kind of anger management course. You're not dealing well with your temper at all.

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30 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

The boat has sailed. No second chances after that. 

What if I just let her be, things don't work out with her new boyfriend, and she decides to come back to me since she liked me to begin with?

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5 minutes ago, That36guy said:

What if I just let her be, things don't work out with her new boyfriend, and she decides to come back to me since she liked me to begin with?

You attacked her for rejecting you/being loyal to her boyfriend. It wouldn't be a possible scenario.

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7 minutes ago, hoshi said:

You attacked her for rejecting you/being loyal to her boyfriend. It wouldn't be a possible scenario.

She liked me before she liked her current boyfriend...

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Just now, That36guy said:

She liked me before she liked her current boyfriend...

I saw what you said. It doesn't change on how you attacked her. When she blocked you it definitely means that she's more likely pissed.

Also she's happy with her current boyfriend as it seems. She's loyal to him. 

You don't have a chance with her anymore. If I were her I would be super pissed as well. 

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Don't you think it's a bit odd that you think you have a chance after losing your temper like that and verbally abusing her? Don't contact her again. You will appear obsessed, abusive, deranged, completely wacko. Unless you are preparing for a restraining order, don't approach her. Move on and take a time out from meeting anyone. Take a break.

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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Don't you think it's a bit odd that you think you have a chance after losing your temper like that and verbally abusing her? Don't contact her again. You will appear obsessed, abusive, deranged, completely wacko.

^ I completely agree with Rose. How could you think you have a chance with her after you attacked her? It doesn't matter if she used to like you or not. She just said it would be better for you and her to be friends and you attacked her.

She has a boyfriend. That should be the very first strike. Asking her to be in a relationship after she said she has a boyfriend. Second strike. Cussing her out after that? Third strike. You're completely out. She's not in your range anymore.

Also you said "just in case if her and her current boyfriend doesn't work out." What if it works out? What if they get married? You can't keep yourself available for a scenario that would not happen. 

If you contact her further, bam. Restraining order. 

Take a break from her and girls for a while and set priorities straight. No girls would want to be with a (i apologize) psychopath.

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24 minutes ago, hoshi said:

^ I completely agree with Rose. How could you think you have a chance with her after you attacked her? It doesn't matter if she used to like you or not. She just said it would be better for you and her to be friends and you attacked her.

She has a boyfriend. That should be the very first strike. Asking her to be in a relationship after she said she has a boyfriend. Second strike. Cussing her out after that? Third strike. You're completely out. She's not in your range anymore.

Also you said "just in case if her and her current boyfriend doesn't work out." What if it works out? What if they get married? You can't keep yourself available for a scenario that would not happen. 

If you contact her further, bam. Restraining order. 

Take a break from her and girls for a while and set priorities straight. No girls would want to be with a (i apologize) psychopath.

What good comes out of us remaining just friends? My feelings for her will remain, if not grow stronger, and I’ll just sit on the sidelines while I watch her and Kyle happy together. I was upset at her because I didn’t see any point in just friendship.

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Posted (edited)

You couldn't get the courage up to ask her out and then when you finally did she was taken.  You weren't mad at her, you were mad at yourself for waiting to long and you took it out on her. Dumb move but you can learn from your huge mistake.  Any chance you might have had is now gone and the worst part any of her friends that might have been interested in you now know the story.

  You need to get a handle on your anger issues and spend some time figuring out why you thought it was okay to attack her or anyone for that matter because they rejected you.  This is serious and you need to take it that way.

  Leave her alone and if by chance you do run into her apologize for being a jerk, wish her well and then walk away. 

  How old are you?  I am curious.

 Lost

Edited by lostandhurt
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4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You couldn't get the courage up to ask her out and then when you finally did she was taken.  You weren't mad at her, you were mad at yourself for waiting to long and you took it out on her. Dumb move but you can learn from your huge mistake.  Any chance you might have had is now gone and the worst part any of her friends that might have been interested in you now know the story.

  You need to get a handle on your anger issues and spend some time figuring out why you thought it was okay to attack her or anyone for that matter because they rejected you.  This is serious and you need to take it that way.

  Leave her alone and if by chance you do run into her apologize for being a jerk, wish her well and then walk away. 

  How old are you?  I am curious.

 Lost

For whatever it's worth, I'm 25.

And what the hell do I care about her friends being interested in me? I don't know any of them.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, That36guy said:

. She would daily come into the store that I work at and at least wave at me, . I snapped and sent her a message full of insults, cuss words, and the middle finger emoji. I completely lost my temper and she ended up blocking me. 

Yikes 😬. Just apologize if you see her.

You need to get a handle on your emotions.

She could easily send this to your employer and complain about you.

She's not your friend, she's a customer in the store.

You need to stop this imaginary romance in your mind.

Do not send her anything.

BTW, if I were your employer, I would fire you on the spot for doing this to a customer.

The best recourse is to see a physician/therapist about your moods.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Don't bother.  That ship has sailed.

You can't undo the past and your apologies are a waste of your and her time and energy.  Let it go and let her go. 

Out of respect for her and respecting yourself, all you can do is respect her new relationship with her new boyfriend and let them live their lives while you learn from this painful experience.  In the future, guard your words and actions more wisely otherwise you'll alienate people instantly.  Impulsive anger leads to regrets and awkwardness tomorrow.  Even I've learned this harsh lesson from my experience.

Most people are like this.  One and done.  There are a few people in my past who've severely crossed the line with me by daring to impulsively react in the most nasty, vile and evil ways too cruel to print it here.  In my case, these same people are still in my midst.  While I'm well mannered and very polite towards them, I deliberately maintain a very frosty, safe distance.  This is called enforcing healthy boundaries.

In this girl's case, she's moving on as should you.  Boundaries include moving on without you in other people's lives.  A lot of people, myself included, wish to feel safe and the way to do this is by eliminating difficult, complicated and emotionally immature people from one's life. 

Google "emotional intelligence."  Emotional intelligence is required in order to have successful relationships and friendships.  Without emotional intelligence, all relationships and friendships are doomed for failure. 

I agree with others.  No sense beating a dead horse.  You had your chance and messed up.  Live and learn the hard way.  Always remember that a lot of people can forgive by moving on, however, they NEVER forget; especially bad memories. 

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38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yikes 😬. Just apologize if you see her.

You need to get a handle on your emotions.

She could easily send this to your employer and complain about you.

She's not your friend, she's a customer in the store.

You need to stop this imaginary romance in your mind.

Do not send her anything.

BTW, if I were your employer, I would fire you on the spot for doing this to a customer.

The best recourse is to see a physician/therapist about your moods.

^ I second this entire post. I would fire you too for this totally inappropriate behaviour.

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2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

I will add though, you should be looking into an anger management course. Your temper got way too out of hand and it could get you into serious trouble one day.

But honestly, please look into some kind of anger management course. You're not dealing well with your temper at all.

^ Agreed.  I find the entire scenario rather disturbing.  If anyone did that to me he'd be history.  OP, you don't stand a chance with her, and rightly so.

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1 hour ago, That36guy said:

What good comes out of us remaining just friends? My feelings for her will remain, if not grow stronger, and I’ll just sit on the sidelines while I watch her and Kyle happy together. I was upset at her because I didn’t see any point in just friendship.

It's good practice at that point to walk away. Don't lash out at someone because you disagree. There are ways to communicate that you disagree with her offer and then wish each other well. She was honest with you and respecting that will go a long way. 

Leave things the way they are right now and focus on your job. If you don't like it there, quit and find something else. 

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2 hours ago, That36guy said:

She liked me before she liked her current boyfriend...

She liked you before you lost your mind on her, too. 

Leave her alone. I would personally want nothing more to do with you after that deranged outburst. 

Look into anger management therapy. You’re going to need it if something this benign set you off so badly. 

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, That36guy said:

I told her that I want to be in a relationship with her, but she kept reiterating that she's with her new boyfriend, Kyle. I snapped and sent her a message full of insults, cuss words, and the middle finger emoji. I completely lost my temper and she ended up blocking me. 

Now I'm thinking of offering an apology to her. I could create an Instagram and message her on that site. I just really want to be with her and I want to stay in her mind as an option in case things don't work out with Kyle.

Think about it... would YOU want to even give a second look to someone who acted like this with you.. just because they let you know they were not available??

Don't create anything more to try & contact her again.

I'm sure you'll stay in her mind okay.. as someone who's quite ignorant 😕 

Edited by SooSad33
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1 hour ago, That36guy said:

What good comes out of us remaining just friends? My feelings for her will remain, if not grow stronger, and I’ll just sit on the sidelines while I watch her and Kyle happy together. I was upset at her because I didn’t see any point in just friendship.

NOTHING needs to come out as 'just friends'.

I guess fact is.. is you can NOT be 'friends' with her... that's all.

So, you leave all alone.  Move on.

And don't push it anymore with her.  Or you will get yourself into a bad place.

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