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You are on a date and you reach for her hand and she...


BrokenGator
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1 hour ago, LootieTootie said:

Not everyone responds the same... I don't think you need to beat yourself up, you found out she wasn't really into you like you thought. 4th date.. it's early.

Hope this anecdote helps. I once dated a man for two months and I thought things were going good. We had great chemistry and our conversation flowed. I adored him. So when I got the nerves to finally ask if we can be exclusive he told me didn't feel the same. It was a big blow to my ego. Thankfully I didn't let myself fall in love with him, but I always wondered if I had stuck around or if I hadn't found out, who knows? I might have just fallen for him and that would just been a big heart break. So to this day, I thank my lucky stars that I found out sooner than later. I went no contact with that guy and was able to make myself available to other people... and yes a year down the road, I met my husband!

Shoot, I got told after 8 months of spending every weekend together, traveling together and meeting his family that he "wasn't feeling it"! He kept it going because, according to him, it was "convenient", i.e., I was bringing him regular sex so he didn't have to go through the trouble of looking for it. I had fallen in love so yeah, that hurt. Badly. 

So at least she didn't do that to you!

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19 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Shoot, I got told after 8 months of spending every weekend together, traveling together and meeting his family that he "wasn't feeling it"! He kept it going because, according to him, it was "convenient", i.e., I was bringing him regular sex so he didn't have to go through the trouble of looking for it. I had fallen in love so yeah, that hurt. Badly. 

 

Oh wow, Bolt! That guy is a user. And that could have been me! I'm so glad it wasn't because I think if I see the guy I mentioned now, we would have a lovely chat like old friends 🙂

 

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On 6/7/2021 at 10:11 PM, boltnrun said:

"I understand. Thanks for being honest. I'm dating because I want to find the right woman to have a relationship with. Since that won't be happening with us I wish you the best in the future."

Hang on, hang on - you’re on a date talking about a relationship?

She pulls back because she feels uncomfortable, not because she doesn’t want to be there, and you blurt out “I want to tie you down into commitment”? 
 

Does that seem good?

 

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On 6/7/2021 at 10:06 PM, BrokenGator said:

Pulls her hand away and ends up saying that her feelings aren't there.  How does one respond to that?

She’s literally telling you “Slow your roll, you’re going too fast”

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On 6/8/2021 at 2:50 AM, smackie9 said:

 My take on it is as soon as you showed some intimacy she felt you were moving too fast. That can be off putting for a lot of women on a first date. Some women look at it as a player move. So what if she said you had lots in common. That’s not your que to start making moves. What you should have said was, ok Lets end the evening then, I will take you home. 

This!

Like I’ve said, she’s trying to slow you down because you’re being far too forward. 

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7 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

Hang on, hang on - you’re on a date talking about a relationship?

She pulls back because she feels uncomfortable, not because she doesn’t want to be there, and you blurt out “I want to tie you down into commitment”? 
 

Does that seem good?

 

I'm not the OP. He didn't say any of that. 

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm not the OP. He didn't say any of that. 

I’m quoting you and what you said. 
 

How many dates has OP been on with her?

Do you really think what you said is a good thing to tell a girl you’ve been on 1 to 8 dates? That you’ve known for maybe 2 months?

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20 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

I’m quoting you and what you said. 
 

How many dates has OP been on with her?

Do you really think what you said is a good thing to tell a girl you’ve been on 1 to 8 dates? That you’ve known for maybe 2 months?

Yes, I really do.

He's looking for a relationship.  His date said she doesn't have those kind of feelings for him. So what would be the point of continuing to date her?

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46 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Yes, I really do.

He's looking for a relationship.  His date said she doesn't have those kind of feelings for him. So what would be the point of continuing to date her?

No, she told him she wasn’t ready to hold hands. 
 

She told him to slow down. 

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

This is from the OP.

But we disagree and that's ok. Different opinions and different perspectives are good.

If I’ve read the OP properly, she said this when he touched her hand or tried to hold it. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t at that stage of being comfortable, so she’s telling him “Slow your roll dude”. 
 

I know I’m a moron, but the above is obvious. 

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  • 1 month later...
On 6/9/2021 at 7:17 PM, ZebDed said:

If I’ve read the OP properly, she said this when he touched her hand or tried to hold it. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t at that stage of being comfortable, so she’s telling him “Slow your roll dude”. 
 

I know I’m a moron, but the above is obvious. 

She wasn't saying slow your roll.  She said the feelings were there and that it was import for her to have those feelings even though everything else was perfectly here.  If she just wanted me to slow my roll she would have said that she's still interested.

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