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My mom is still pissed about something that happened on a weekend trip


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Last weekend, I (F/16) went on a weekend trip with my best friend (F/16) and her family to their lake house. It was sort of a goodbye school, hello summer kind of thing. Anyway, their lake house is this cool looking cabin in this little, middle-of-nowhere type town. I'd never been, so of course I said yes when they invited me. 

We arrived on Saturday around noon. We spent the first hour getting settled in. Then, my friend and I went to explore the woods behind the cabin along with her little brother. Sometime after we got back, her brother found a pair of toy handcuffs in his room that he'd accidentally left behind the last time they'd visited. They were a gift from his uncle, he told me. My friend and I took them and we decided to cuff ourselves together (my right wrist to her left) as kind of a joke. It was only after we'd put them on though that we realized we didn't know where the keys were. 

We searched for an hour without finding them. Finally, her brother remembered that they were back home in the city, four hours away. These were just toy cuffs, but they were made out of metal and they couldn't be removed without the key. Like I said before, we were in a small town, so there wasn't a locksmith we could call. And since they weren't police cuffs, there wasn't any point in calling the cops and asking them for a key. We tried to pick the locks, but couldn't manage it. Finally, we were left with just two options. We could either cut them off or stay handcuffed together for the rest of the weekend. 

Neither of us wanted to destroy her brother's cuffs, since they were a gift and since it was our own fault we hadn't looked for the keys before putting them on. Besides, we thought it might be kinda fun to try and spend an entire weekend stuck together. So, we decided to own this boneheaded move of ours and told her parents we wanted to stay stuck to each other until we got back to the city. They got a good laugh out of that, but agreed to let us do it.

Well, we continued on with enjoying the weekend and didn't let the fact that we were stuck together stand in the way of us having fun. That night we had a blast building a fire outside and making s'mores and telling scary stories. The next day we did some fishing and hiked in the woods some more. We even went into town for ice cream. The guy behind the counter gave us a weird stare, but oh well lol! 

We returned on Monday, just before noon. We found the keys in her brother's room and finally got uncuffed. That might've been the end of the whole thing but I then made the mistake of telling my mom what happened and she just went ballistic. She said it was incredibly irresponsible of my friend's parents to leave us like that and one of us could've been hurt. She said I'm no longer allowed to go away on trips with them!

I've tried to see this from her point of view, but I just can't. Seriously, how were we in any danger? Her parents were with us the entire time. And it's not like it was likely one of us was gonna trip and yank the other person's arm out of the socket or something! The only real trouble we had was with the bathroom situation, but we managed to work something out. One of us would stand in the shower and close the curtain while the other went. We also turned on the faucet to drown out the sound. 

I really don't want to be banned from future trips with my friend. Do you think my mom is overreacting and if so, any ideas as to what I can say to get her to see that? I appreciate any advice anyone may have for me. 

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I'd allow things to settle with your folks, since it's not likely that you're missing out on another trip soon. Once they're less trigger-happy on the topic, I'd ask them for a discussion where they consider what I have to say before responding. 

I'd explain, "First, no harm came to anyone from the incident. However, what I've learned from this outcome is that confiding in them brings a punishment that I could have avoided had I withheld the information."

I hope that they will reconsider that outcome because even though I will continue to learn the consequences of my mistakes on my own, I'd prefer to freely share my experiences with them. If the price of doing that equals punishment that I could have avoided, then the message I'm taking from this is that it's smarter for me to withhold information going forward than to confide.

Are they willing to consider this and renegotiate the punishment?

Edited by catfeeder
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As a mom myself I’d find it more funny than anything, knowing her parents were there and there wasn’t serious danger involved. Is your mom overly cautious or anxious about your safety in general? I’d let her ponder this a bit and let the dust settle. Give it a few days and try to approach her gently that you value her trust and feel you can share your life with her. That it throws you for a loop that she punished you for something harmless and you don’t want to feel like you need to hold information back, because you fear she’ll punish you. I read a quote once that really spoke to me. Do you want your children to come to you for help if they’re in trouble? Or do you want them to suffer in silence and potentially make it worse because they are afraid of your reaction? I’m paraphrasing but one of the most important things to me when it comes to my daughter is fostering a relationship that’s open and trusting. You may talk to her about that, but keep in mind, she most likely comes from a place of love and is simply overly cautious about your well being. 

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Let her cooler her jets and simmer down.  Don't mention this again.  Let time do the work for you.  Your mother will eventually cool off. 

In the future, have your friend's parents talk to your mom if they need to convince you that everything will be fine since everyone's together. 

By the way, thanks for the laugh!  Your hilarious story was straight out of a sitcom! 😁

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