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Lost my soulmate/dream women


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6 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

If you put all your self-worth and confidence into a relationship, it's bound to tank. People are in flux all the time and prone to fail or disappoint. Break ups do happen. There are no guarantees for any relationship.

Why aren't you focusing on other areas of your life? That might boost your outlook overall and not place so much importance on people who aren't right for you in the first place. 

I wouldn't say I put all myself worth into the relationship I still have my own life. I was very addiment of keeping my own identity and hobbies and the same for her as well. Which looking back I feel is what helped push her away. I was very interested in the hobbies she enjoyed I just didn't want her to stop from doing them if I wasn't as involved. Which in the end she wanted her partner to share all of the same hobbies.  

I've just gotten to a point in life that I've spent alot of time on my hobbies and interests. I feel I'm very full filled on the majority of my life except of that of sharing it with someone.  Yes I can go back to my interests and also find new ones but at certain point I want to share life with some one.

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5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. 

Also when did you last see a physician? There are newer medications that don't affect weight, since that's been an issue for you. 

No one gets to be 100 lbs. overweight and lose all that weight without at least some issues connected to that, either emotionally or physically.

Yes call a suicide hotline, they will listen and steer you in the right direction and you don't have to pay anyone or take medication to pick up the phone and talk.

 

I saw one about a year ago. The medication they were prescribed had alot of issues with weight gain.

It's a double edge sword I can't go back down the route of gaining weight. It was way to much work to get it off and keep it off. 

Off course there is some issues both physically and emotionally that will probably be there for my life time that I will have to learn to live with. I don't think anyone going through thier teenage years obese doesn't have some kind of issue.

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Posted (edited)

Depression leads you to believe your life is hopeless and things will never get better. If you don't treat it, it will permeate your life.

I have been on antidepressants and I have not gained weight (well, except for a few pounds that I desperately needed to gain since my anxiety and depression caused me to lose 30 pounds). You can work with a medical doctor to seek alternatives to medications that cause weight gain.

Yes, it's "easy" to brood and feel self pity. But you yourself said it's not fun. So why persist? Seek treatment so you can get out of this depressed loop.

Edited by boltnrun
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5 hours ago, punkrock17 said:

A true connection is hard to find! First dates going nowhere doesn't necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with you, it is just that true connections are not common. 

I know that you had that with your ex-girlfriend, but just because she found a stronger connection with someone else doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy. You definitely deserve to be happy and I know that your person is still out there. 

Although it is cheesy, but the right person truly does come into your life when you least expect. The moment you stop looking for it is the moment you will find it. In the meantime, ask yourself if you are the person you truly want to be. Are you the man that the woman of your dreams would want to be with? Are you reaching your maximum potential? What changes can you make to get there?

Be patient. Love is hard to find but I know it is out there for you. Everything is going to be okay. Much love ❤️ 

What hurts the most is that she already had this person in her life. I'm happy for the time with her. I just really don't understand why wait to be with this person till you're actively in another relationship with me. She had lots of time when she was single to start a relationship with him why bring me into this and tell me things like "I'm so happy that I met you and you've changed my life so much." Granted I know this is how she felt in that moment and I will cherish that moment. Still why even chase after me in the first place. 

Again I will be labeled as negative and being able to see into the future, but I feel it is very very unlikely that I will attract someone like this again. 

I do truly want to be a better person and be the best I can be. Still like anything else in life certin types of people are very limited and I feel I'm so far behind the rest that I've lost my chance. I've tried dating people that aren't my types and I have zero interest in them. 

And yes I know becoming better is for yourself and not for anyone else. But I still want someone else. 

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5 hours ago, punkrock17 said:

Yes, I guess that is essentially what I am saying. I guess I mean that when you are happy and loving life while you are single, then single women who are also happy and loving life will see that and be drawn to your energy. 

I don't fully agree with this. You can be fully living life and be loving life, however if your not attractive they will not be drawn to you. 

Believe it or not I have had those moments and no one came along. I even had women friends comment to one another that why does he have a gf and he should have one...

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Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, Southwest said:

I saw one about a year ago. The medication they were prescribed had alot of issues with weight gain.

I can't go back down the route of gaining weight. It was way to much work to get it off and keep it off. 

Off course there is some issues both physically and emotionally that will probably be there for my life time that I will have to learn to live with. 

Ok, see a psychiatrist. They may be more up to date on your clinical needs and the side effect profiles of medications.

Don't just throw in the towel and get hung up on weight, when better treatment options are available..

In fact depression itself can undermine your fitness and eating plan, thereby keeping you unfit and flabby and thus lowering your self esteem and well being.

Edited by Wiseman2
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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, see a psychiatrist. They may be more up to date on your clinical needs and the side effect profiles of medications.

Don't just throw in the towel and get hung up on weight, when better treatment options are available..

In fact depression itself can undermine your fitness and eating plan, thereby keeping you unfit and flabby and thus lowering your self esteem and well being.

Will do. 

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, punkrock17 said:

Although it is cheesy, but the right person truly does come into your life when you least expect. The moment you stop looking for it is the moment you will find it. In the meantime, ask yourself if you are the person you truly want to be. Are you the man that the woman of your dreams would want to be with? Are you reaching your maximum potential? What changes can you make to get there?

Be patient. Love is hard to find but I know it is out there for you. Everything is going to be okay. Much love ❤️ 

 

6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My story could be spun that way but it's not true.  Obviously for some people it is.  What is  true is it won't work if a person is desperate for a match - but "least expect it" and "not looking" - nope not usually.  It's a great romantic spin on things and again my story sounds like that but if I'm accurate about it it's only a part of the story.  Lots of people say this but what they really mean is "don't look in a needy or desperate way".  Or - have a fun, fulfilling life while being 100% honest with yourself that you want a partner and be really proactive about finding that partner -while having a fun fulfilling life which involves other than just looking for a partner.

I always cringe a little bit when I see the falsehood: "the right one will come along when you're not looking/when you least expect it" for many reasons but mostly because, one, that when it doesn't happen for you then you start wondering what is wrong with you when in reality it doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong with you if you haven't found a good fit, and two, it suggests you can be passive and hang back and Prince Charming (or Princess Charming) will just show up with no effort on your part.  It almost never happens that way, you do need to be proactive.

I also cringe when people start promising others they will find someone.  I can name several who died without ever finding anyone.  We are not guaranteed a relationship.

Edited by waffle
wording, which I'm still not happy with
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I had a coworker tell me she couldn't promise me I'd find someone either. She also said "But I can guarantee you'll never find someone while you're sitting on your couch with your cat watching TV." She was right about that!

Depression won't treat itself either. Something's got to change.

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Posted (edited)
54 minutes ago, waffle said:

 

I always cringe a little bit when I see the falsehood: "the right one will come along when you're not looking/when you least expect it" for many reasons but mostly because, one, that when it doesn't happen for you then you start wondering what is wrong with you when in reality it doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong with you if you haven't found a good fit, and two, it suggests you can be passive and hang back and Prince Charming (or Princess Charming) will just show up with no effort on your part.  It almost never happens that way, you do need to be proactive.

I also cringe when people start promising others they will find someone.  I can name several who died without ever finding anyone.  We are not guaranteed a relationship.

This is what scares me...and I've had alot of moments where I'm going what is wrong with me. Why did I pull the unluckily card of being single for life. 

Edited by Southwest
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23 minutes ago, Southwest said:

This is what scares me...and I've had alot of moments where I'm going what is wrong with me. Why did I pull the unluckily card of being single for life. 

See, this is why I think you might be enjoying the sad sack routine.

You post things like that and now you know people will rush to reassure you.  

You literally have no idea whether or not you're going to be "single for life".  Unless you deliberately choose this, you cannot possibly know for sure.

But if this is your jam then go to it.  

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

See, this is why I think you might be enjoying the sad sack routine.

You post things like that and now you know people will rush to reassure you.  

You literally have no idea whether or not you're going to be "single for life".  Unless you deliberately choose this, you cannot possibly know for sure.

But if this is your jam then go to it.  

All I did was say this is what scares me... I'm agree with the comment, yes I have no idea what could happen with life. My brain is telling me it's very unlikely that I will find anyone. 

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"I don't fully agree with this. You can be fully living life and be loving life, however if your not attractive they will not be drawn to you."

How would you know as you have clearly never really enjoyed life. My husband has a VERY close friend who is nothing to look at. But he enjoys his life -- riding motorcycles, cooking, having a close group of friends and his job -- and just exudes fun and self confidence. He landed himself a very high-quality wife. He is nice to be around and that is what she was looking for. 

I know you think therapy is all about sighing and pity parties (and you are already so good at that you don't need to pay for help on that front), but the real point of therapy is to help you learn to think about things differently, to help you come up with solutions and new approaches. Might you feel worse first (as you described when you started but did not complete therapy)? Yes, most of us do, having to face up to unpleasant situations. But then you DO feel better. 

You seem to be under the impression that if it is not immediately better -- completely on your terms -- with no meds and no real work or unpleasantness on your part -- then it is better to sign and moan and do nothing with your life. That is fine, but accept that it is you who is making that happen by not lookin for real solutions. 

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12 minutes ago, arjumand said:

"I don't fully agree with this. You can be fully living life and be loving life, however if your not attractive they will not be drawn to you."

How would you know as you have clearly never really enjoyed life. My husband has a VERY close friend who is nothing to look at. But he enjoys his life -- riding motorcycles, cooking, having a close group of friends and his job -- and just exudes fun and self confidence. He landed himself a very high-quality wife. He is nice to be around and that is what she was looking for. 

I know you think therapy is all about sighing and pity parties (and you are already so good at that you don't need to pay for help on that front), but the real point of therapy is to help you learn to think about things differently, to help you come up with solutions and new approaches. Might you feel worse first (as you described when you started but did not complete therapy)? Yes, most of us do, having to face up to unpleasant situations. But then you DO feel better. 

You seem to be under the impression that if it is not immediately better -- completely on your terms -- with no meds and no real work or unpleasantness on your part -- then it is better to sign and moan and do nothing with your life. That is fine, but accept that it is you who is making that happen by not lookin for real solutions. 

Thank you for that insite.

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17 hours ago, waffle said:

I also cringe when people start promising others they will find someone.  I can name several who died without ever finding anyone.  We are not guaranteed a relationship.

I agree that not finding a connection doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, and I said that in my original post. I'm just saying that often times the person for you will come along when you aren't expecting to find them. I have guy friends that are always trying to pick up girls at the bar or at parties and get really sad when they are rejected and think there is something wrong with them. I'm trying to say that maybe you're expecting to find the right girl when you're going out looking for her and specifically seeking her out at a party or something, but maybe you will meet her at work, or the grocery store, or somewhere random. I am not saying you can just sit back and do nothing and the girl of your dreams will just walk into your life, I'm just staying don't stress so much about hunting for her.

I also really do think that there is someone out there for everyone and that's unfortunate that you know people who died without ever finding that person. I guess we will agree to disagree on that. Relationships take a lot of work. So even when you find your person, you still have to be willing to put in the time and effort to make it last.

I was trying to make OP feel better since he is obviously in a lot of pain right now. So I was trying to tell him to not stress out and to focus on being happy while single instead of desperately searching for a connection equal to that of his ex and then leave him with an optimistic message. I don't know if your pessimism is helping anyone.

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49 minutes ago, punkrock17 said:

I was trying to make OP feel better since he is obviously in a lot of pain right now. So I was trying to tell him to not stress out and to focus on being happy while single instead of desperately searching for a connection equal to that of his ex and then leave him with an optimistic message. 

Your false promises i.e. it always happens when you least expect it, and I know love is out there for you, everything will be fine, etc. sounded insincere and dismissive. 

There are no promises and guarantees in life.  Why not stick to facts?

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On 6/8/2021 at 9:48 AM, punkrock17 said:

I agree that not finding a connection doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, and I said that in my original post. I'm just saying that often times the person for you will come along when you aren't expecting to find them. I have guy friends that are always trying to pick up girls at the bar or at parties and get really sad when they are rejected and think there is something wrong with them. I'm trying to say that maybe you're expecting to find the right girl when you're going out looking for her and specifically seeking her out at a party or something, but maybe you will meet her at work, or the grocery store, or somewhere random. I am not saying you can just sit back and do nothing and the girl of your dreams will just walk into your life, I'm just staying don't stress so much about hunting for her.

I also really do think that there is someone out there for everyone and that's unfortunate that you know people who died without ever finding that person. I guess we will agree to disagree on that. Relationships take a lot of work. So even when you find your person, you still have to be willing to put in the time and effort to make it last.

I was trying to make OP feel better since he is obviously in a lot of pain right now. So I was trying to tell him to not stress out and to focus on being happy while single instead of desperately searching for a connection equal to that of his ex and then leave him with an optimistic message. I don't know if your pessimism is helping anyone.

I appreciate the trying to send good vibes and yes I kinda see the premise of the person coming into your life when you least expect it. However in my opinion for the majority of men they have to be on the "hunt" always and they have that added stress of it may never come thats just how it is unfortunately. 

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15 minutes ago, Southwest said:

I appreciate the trying to send good vibes and yes I kinda see the premise of the person coming into your life when you least expect it. However in my opinion for the majority of men they have to be on the "hunt" always and they have that added stress of it may never come thats just how it is unfortunately. 

I've always taken this premise of least expected to mean that you attract people to you when you are leading a fulfilling life that makes you genuinely happy. Your happiness, self assurance, and confidence is like a magnet to other people. It's about being active and indulging in things that you enjoy and surrounding yourself with like minded company. In that like minded company you are most likely to run into the right match as well. 

Kind of like if you like outdoors and join up with hiking groups, you'll meet women/men who hike. If you like photography and join those groups or classes, you'll meet women/men who are into that. As your passion for what you do shines, so will your attraction to others and your connection with others as well.

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36 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

I've always taken this premise of least expected to mean that you attract people to you when you are leading a fulfilling life that makes you genuinely happy. Your happiness, self assurance, and confidence is like a magnet to other people. It's about being active and indulging in things that you enjoy and surrounding yourself with like minded company. In that like minded company you are most likely to run into the right match as well. 

Kind of like if you like outdoors and join up with hiking groups, you'll meet women/men who hike. If you like photography and join those groups or classes, you'll meet women/men who are into that. As your passion for what you do shines, so will your attraction to others and your connection with others as well.

I understand the general thought behind it, and yes generally when someone is leading a fulfilling life they can be more attractive.  Still I think for alot of men that aren't necessarily attractive they can be doing exactly that and nothing will come of it. Granted this could be my own shadow of depression telling me otherwise. I really do hope I can back to a better level of fulfillment and healthier mindset for myself and to possibly run into another connection. I feel it's unlikely though and most likely will be a one-sided connection. Still don't want to go down that route again of self pity. 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Southwest said:

I appreciate the trying to send good vibes and yes I kinda see the premise of the person coming into your life when you least expect it. However in my opinion for the majority of men they have to be on the "hunt" always and they have that added stress of it may never come thats just how it is unfortunately. 

You don't have to hunt if you live your life where you are involved in activities that bring you into natural contact with others who are more likely than not on common ground with you in some way - and often women (myself included) love setting up their friends with single guys.  I've done it many times over.  The best way to meet people is in a setting where people are sober, doing a shared activity or there for a similar purpose and conversation is organic to the setting. Then no hunt or chasing needed.  But it takes time, effort, motivation.  Sometimes when I was not in the mood to go to another event or gathering I promised myself that as long as I stayed 45 minutes and spoke to three new people I could leave!

I originally met my husband on his first day of work where I worked -on Halloween actually.  We were all invited to a breakfast to meet the new employees. I'd been there 6 weeks.  I knew he was from my hometown (we received bios on them) and also knew he knew no one.  So I was his welcome wagon.  I crossed the room and introduced myself.  We chatted briefly.  We didn't work together.  He was incredibly shy back then.  Not objectively "hot".  We ran into each other two or three times more over the next several months. 

At one event he tried to talk to me and all of a sudden a really tall man - a famous political figure - stepped right between us (neither of us is tall!) blocking us from talking LOL.  After three times he called me and asked me to lunch - 9 months after we first met.  He was very nervous and still quite shy.  But he chose his interest in me over fear of me saying no.  

We didn't marry that first time around so in the years before and after I met him I dated a great deal.  I met people in all sorts of ways but I do know that being at an event -and sober (I never got drunk but I mean being around drunk people was not conducive to meeting potential partners) - and where there is a shared purpose means there's a lot less need to hunt.

Happy hunting LOL.

Edited by Batya33
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5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You don't have to hunt if you live your life where you are involved in activities that bring you into natural contact with others who are more likely than not on common ground with you in some way - and often women (myself included) love setting up their friends with single guys.  I've done it many times over.  The best way to meet people is in a setting where people are sober, doing a shared activity or there for a similar purpose and conversation is organic to the setting. Then no hunt or chasing needed.  But it takes time, effort, motivation.  Sometimes when I was not in the mood to go to another event or gathering I promised myself that as long as I stayed 45 minutes and spoke to three new people I could leave!

I originally met my husband on his first day of work where I worked -on Halloween actually.  We were all invited to a breakfast to meet the new employees. I'd been there 6 weeks.  I knew he was from my hometown (we received bios on them) and also knew he knew no one.  So I was his welcome wagon.  I crossed the room and introduced myself.  We chatted briefly.  We didn't work together.  He was incredibly shy back then.  Not objectively "hot".  We ran into each other two or three times more over the next several months. 

At one event he tried to talk to me and all of a sudden a really tall man - a famous political figure - stepped right between us (neither of us is tall!) blocking us from talking LOL.  After three times he called me and asked me to lunch - 9 months after we first met.  He was very nervous and still quite shy.  But he chose his interest in me over fear of me saying no.  

We didn't marry that first time around so in the years before and after I met him I dated a great deal.  I met people in all sorts of ways but I do know that being at an event -and sober (I never got drunk but I mean being around drunk people was not conducive to meeting potential partners) - and where there is a shared purpose means there's a lot less need to hunt.

Happy hunting LOL.

Apparently I don't have the right friends. Haha but in all seriousness they still have to be on the hunt ( I don't even like that word choice) you partner was on it . If he hadn't been then he wouldn't have asked you to lunch. It not like you asked me him out right. Also it's not like you had a movement of clicking with him. Granted I know it happens thats basically how I was dumped my ex was spending time with a friend and she clicked with him on another level in that moment.  Lucky them I guess and unfortunate for me.  Oh well again it's easy for me to go down the the road of self pity and wonder why my friends don't set me up. They all consider me a great friend and guy but apparently not enough...

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7 hours ago, Southwest said:

Apparently I don't have the right friends. Haha but in all seriousness they still have to be on the hunt ( I don't even like that word choice) you partner was on it . If he hadn't been then he wouldn't have asked you to lunch. It not like you asked me him out right. Also it's not like you had a movement of clicking with him. Granted I know it happens thats basically how I was dumped my ex was spending time with a friend and she clicked with him on another level in that moment.  Lucky them I guess and unfortunate for me.  Oh well again it's easy for me to go down the the road of self pity and wonder why my friends don't set me up. They all consider me a great friend and guy but apparently not enough...

No he was on no hunt.  He asked me to go to lunch 9 months after meeting me.  That's not a hunt.  It's not about hunting or chasing -it's about two people meeting and realizing they enjoy each other's company and want to get to know each other to see if there is something there.  A mutual decision.  One might do the asking out more in the beginning -or even the most - but the other person shows interest -it's balanced.  

You make friends and network with people who you click with.  Then they know people you might click with romantically.  

Your ex chose to be with someone else because she wasn't that into you.  Happens all the time.  She didn't dump you.  She decided to stop dating you.  Big difference -in substance- not just the words.  I don't stay loyal to my husband because he's the hottest man going and no one else will ever look hotter or will ever look attractive to me.  I see people who look attractive.  I click with people and can notice they look attractive. 

I was flirted with when I was 8 months pregnant and wearing an engagement ring.  Two occasions.  I promise I didn't look hot. In one case I got my popcorn and walked away and in the other case I chatted with him at a dinner party, had no clue he was interested in that  way and only considered he might be when he figured out my last name somehow and tried to add me on Facebook (maybe he just meant to be friendly, who knows).

 And it's not because my husband and I have this never ending burning passion for each other.  I choose to be with my husband and be committed and loyal and love him as I do because I am happy with him and also because I strongly believe as I always have in commitment and marriage -whether or not I am feeling strong chemistry on that particular day, at that particular moment.  I have no desire to be with anyone else no matter who that person is or what that person looks like. 

I don't have the "dream of someone else" either (You've Got Mail movie) - I could hear about a person that sounded like an even more perfect match for me and no matter what it would not sway me- I would respond with "how interesting of you to say that.  I think it's going to rain later."  Your girlfriend wasn't into you enough and therefore she was keeping her options open in some way and when she clicked with someone else she chose that person.  If she cheated that was wrong of course.  But telling you she didn't want to date you anymore is simply telling you that she didn't feel into you enough to continue.  That's not dumping you as a person.

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

No he was on no hunt.  He asked me to go to lunch 9 months after meeting me.  That's not a hunt.  It's not about hunting or chasing -it's about two people meeting and realizing they enjoy each other's company and want to get to know each other to see if there is something there.  A mutual decision.  One might do the asking out more in the beginning -or even the most - but the other person shows interest -it's balanced.  

You make friends and network with people who you click with.  Then they know people you might click with romantically.  

Your ex chose to be with someone else because she wasn't that into you.  Happens all the time.  She didn't dump you.  She decided to stop dating you.  Big difference -in substance- not just the words.  I don't stay loyal to my husband because he's the hottest man going and no one else will ever look hotter or will ever look attractive to me.  I see people who look attractive.  I click with people and can notice they look attractive. 

I was flirted with when I was 8 months pregnant and wearing an engagement ring.  Two occasions.  I promise I didn't look hot. In one case I got my popcorn and walked away and in the other case I chatted with him at a dinner party, had no clue he was interested in that  way and only considered he might be when he figured out my last name somehow and tried to add me on Facebook (maybe he just meant to be friendly, who knows).

 And it's not because my husband and I have this never ending burning passion for each other.  I choose to be with my husband and be committed and loyal and love him as I do because I am happy with him and also because I strongly believe as I always have in commitment and marriage -whether or not I am feeling strong chemistry on that particular day, at that particular moment.  I have no desire to be with anyone else no matter who that person is or what that person looks like. 

I don't have the "dream of someone else" either (You've Got Mail movie) - I could hear about a person that sounded like an even more perfect match for me and no matter what it would not sway me- I would respond with "how interesting of you to say that.  I think it's going to rain later."  Your girlfriend wasn't into you enough and therefore she was keeping her options open in some way and when she clicked with someone else she chose that person.  If she cheated that was wrong of course.  But telling you she didn't want to date you anymore is simply telling you that she didn't feel into you enough to continue.  That's not dumping you as a person.

How "Dumping" or "decided to stop dating" a big difference? 

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9 hours ago, Southwest said:

Lucky them I guess and unfortunate for me.  Oh well again it's easy for me to go down the the road of self pity and wonder why my friends don't set me up. They all consider me a great friend and guy but apparently not enough...

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. 

I've highlighted the above, echoing so many other posters, to point out a story that you seem intent on telling yourself—one in which other people have it easier, better, and you are perennially behind the curve, rejected.

What do you think you are getting out of this story? I'd reflect on that, without self-judgement, since the stories we tell ourselves are very much a choice, if not always a conscious one. This one is serving something in you, if also getting in the way of something you clearly crave. 

27 minutes ago, Southwest said:

How "Dumping" or "decided to stop dating" a big difference? 

Not answering for Batya here, but this is related. "Dumping" is reductive, making another person's choice all about you, your pain, rather than about another human being's shifting feelings and the general murk—sometimes glorious, sometimes awful—of humanity. 

Question: Do you feel, in the cases of the women you've met that you weren't interested in, that you "rejected" them? Is that how you classify those encounters? 

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17 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. 

I've highlighted the above, echoing so many other posters, to point out a story that you seem intent on telling yourself—one in which other people have it easier, better, and you are perennially behind the curve, rejected.

What do you think you are getting out of this story? I'd reflect on that, without self-judgement, since the stories we tell ourselves are very much a choice, if not always a conscious one. This one is serving something in you, if also getting in the way of something you clearly crave. 

Not answering for Batya here, but this is related. "Dumping" is reductive, making another person's choice all about you, your pain, rather than about another human being's shifting feelings and the general murk—sometimes glorious, sometimes awful—of humanity. 

Question: Do you feel, in the cases of the women you've met that you weren't interested in, that you "rejected" them? Is that how you classify those encounters? 

I mean I'm not really sure how to paint the story any other way. I can lie to myself and say im happy that for a majority of my life I've been single and shown a lack of interest by my peers. I know this will be labeled as me being negtive again. I know at this point I have to let my last relationship go and just mark it up as a learning experience and painful event. It's hard to make a connection with someone when they won't even give you the chance especially when they can find so many other more interesting options. 

Yes I know everyone struggles and it's not easy. However some of us struggle even more. It's hard for alot of people to understand the struggles of others. When you watch your friends and others find relationships over and over. It starts to grate on you. Or when you watch your exs get into long last relationships after breaking up with you it tears you to shreds. 

Yes of course I count them as me rejecting them. That's what we do we either accept or reject.  

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