Jump to content

Controlling Behavior


Recommended Posts

22 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Wiseman2I think you wanted to mention sometime else. I didn't talk/comment on the law enforcement situation.

I didn't either. I never said she should disregard input from law enforcement or her attorney.

My two points were 1) to change her number (because stalkers will call from other numbers...I know because it happened to me which is why I changed my number) and 2) that her adult son can be a source of comfort and support. I never suggested she use him as a "therapist" or recommended she involve her minor children.

Mommy, I also suggest you try to move elsewhere as quickly as possible. If he doesn't know where you are he can't show up at your home. And have someone there with you when you move, preferably a male friend or relative.  Abusers are afraid of other men which is why they prey on women.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

37 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I didn't either. I never said she should disregard input from law enforcement or her attorney.

My two points were 1) to change her number (because stalkers will call from other numbers...I know because it happened to me which is why I changed my number) and 2) that her adult son can be a source of comfort and support. I never suggested she use him as a "therapist" or recommended she involve her minor children.

Mommy, I also suggest you try to move elsewhere as quickly as possible. If he doesn't know where you are he can't show up at your home. And have someone there with you when you move, preferably a male friend or relative.  Abusers are afraid of other men which is why they prey on women.  

I am looking for another place but that takes a lot of money, which I don't have at the moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I am looking for another place but that takes a lot of money, which I don't have at the moment.

Why not move in with your mother? After 90 days he can come back and has the legal right to enter his legal residence.

In fact he can turn the tables on you (and he seems crazy enough to) and call the police because you illegally changed the locks. 

Ask your attorney and law enforcement about that.

Just because you have a temporary restraining order doesn't mean you can take the law in your own hands. Even as a criminal, unfortunately, he has rights.

This is why acting in a panic instead of by the letter of the law in your jurisdiction could backfire, especially with a loose canon like this.

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

If you are on a month to month lease, could you stay at your mom's for July and look for a place from there? School should be out, right? 

Better safe than risking coming across him again. 

I agree. He's already clearly demonstrated he cares nothing about the consequences involved with violating an order of protection.

You can stay at your mom's for a couple of months while your kids stay with their dads. It's better than living in constant fear.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I may have to do that.  I know he's going to find me though.  He will do whatever it takes to get me back for him going to jail.  I know he thinks in his sick head that all this is my fault.  Everything was always my fault.

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/28/2021 at 10:21 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Why not move in with your mother? After 90 days he can come back and has the legal right to enter his legal residence.

In fact he can turn the tables on you (and he seems crazy enough to) and call the police because you illegally changed the locks. 

Ask your attorney and law enforcement about that.

Just because you have a temporary restraining order doesn't mean you can take the law in your own hands. Even as a criminal, unfortunately, he has rights.

This is why acting in a panic instead of by the letter of the law in your jurisdiction could backfire, especially with a loose canon like this.

I talked with an officer and he said it's ok for me to change the locks.  Plus, in court, he said he took his name off the lease.  Whether this is true or not, I have no idea.  I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

54 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I know he's going to find me though. 

Doesn't the restraining order cover wherever you live?

Agree, things will get a lot worse now unfortunately. 

Get your kids Out of that place. Let them be safe away from you with their father.  You should be worried about them, they shouldn't be your emotional support.

Changed locks Do Not protect you. 

OJ killed his ex in her driveway. And her male friend. So abusers are Not intimidated by males. Nor do changed locks protect you.

Do you really believe he can't park down the street and find a way to harm you?

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Doesn't the restraining order cover wherever you live?

Agree, things will get a lot worse now unfortunately. 

Get your kids OUT of that place. Let them be safe away from you with their father.  You should be worried about them, they shouldn't be your emotional support.

Changed locks Do Not protect you. 

OJ killed his ex in her driveway. And her male friend. So abusers are Not intimidated by males. Nor do changed locks protect you.

Yes, the restraining order covers where I live but you see how well he abides by restraining orders.

I AM worried about my kids and I'm not just using them as emotional support.  

Edited by Mommy1995
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Mommy1995 said:

Yes, the restraining order covers where I live.

Ok then let your kids a stay with their father and get yourself together at your mother's and have the protection order amended to include that residence.

Can he find you? Sure.

But without appropriate legal and law enforcement advice, you're at more risk. It's that simple.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/29/2021 at 10:54 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Doesn't the restraining order cover wherever you live?

Agree, things will get a lot worse now unfortunately. 

Get your kids Out of that place. Let them be safe away from you with their father.  You should be worried about them, they shouldn't be your emotional support.

Changed locks Do Not protect you. 

OJ killed his ex in her driveway. And her male friend. So abusers are Not intimidated by males. Nor do changed locks protect you.

Do you really believe he can't park down the street and find a way to harm you?

It's funny you say "park down the street" because he actually did that a couple weeks ago.  He was watching me on the cameras and saw that I had a new phone.  He parked down the street and barged in the house trying to get my phone.  Of course, I ran and took it into another bedroom and hid it because when I got a new phone one time before when we split up, he threw it in the gulley in front of the house where there is a stream of water.  I never found it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

 He parked down the street and barged in the house trying to get my phone. 

It's unclear. Are you talking about after the restraining order? Are you talking about your new number/phone? Are you talking about what cameras?

Are you talking in the present tense?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear. Are you talking about after the restraining order? Are you talking about your new number/phone? Are you talking about what cameras?

Are you talking in the present tense?

I literally said it was weeks ago.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's good, but I would not drop your guard just yet. He might be regrouping for another assault.

I presume he was provided with an attorney or perhaps just his PO. Either one would advise him it's a very bad idea for him to continue to stalk and threaten you. That hasn't stopped him before, however.

Move out as planned, don't go out alone and have someone walk you from and to your car at work.

Good luck.

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...