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Controlling Behavior


Mommy1995

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On 6/23/2021 at 12:09 PM, Mommy1995 said:

No, he's not.  Plus he got 10 days in jail for contacting me but the judge suspended it unless he contacts me again.

He contacted you again.  So I presume since you reported his contact, that he will be going to jail?

That would be a huge relief, right?  As long as he's in jail he can't contact you or show up at the house.

Is your son back yet?

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15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your posts are out of sequence and sound like your text chat was to prevent him showing up at this time.  When you post the past as the present it's unclear so puzzled responses to circular remarks are not "rude", what is rude is people trying to help you and your overaction and beating people up for that.

I'm not beating anybody up.  I do appreciate all the help you guys have given me.  I truly believe without the advice of this site, I would still be with him.  

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1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

He's in jail.

That is exactly where he belongs.

I would suggest you change the locks  (if you haven't already) and change your cell number.  Yes, you can. I did and it only took me 15 minutes to text the new number to everyone I wanted to have it. You can also notify your professional contacts. It will not ruin your career or lose you any friends or contacts.

The authorities already are aware of his threats and contact so you don't need to keep records anymore. Your cell carrier will change it for free since you are being harassed. 

Is your son back home yet?

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

That is exactly where he belongs.

I would suggest you change the locks  (if you haven't already) and change your cell number.  Yes, you can. I did and it only took me 15 minutes to text the new number to everyone I wanted to have it. You can also notify your professional contacts. It will not ruin your career or lose you any friends or contacts.

The authorities already are aware of his threats and contact so you don't need to keep records anymore. Your cell carrier will change it for free since you are being harassed. 

Is your son back home yet?

I did change the locks.  I do plan on getting my number changed as well.

Yes, he is back.

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1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

I did change the locks.  I do plan on getting my number changed as well.

Why go through the hassle of changing your number when you can simply block him? 

How are your kids, law enforcement, your attorney, your doctors, etc., going to reach you when you do this (unwise/unnecessary) step?

Did your attorney/law enforcement suggest you change the locks?

Why not get an alarm system with video surveillance? You realize anyone can break a window/pick locks, right?

 

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17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why go through the hassle of changing your number when you can simply block him? 

How are your kids, law enforcement, your attorney, your doctors, etc., going to reach you when you do this (unwise/unnecessary) step?

Did your attorney/law enforcement suggest you change the locks?

Why not get an alarm system with video surveillance? You realize anyone can break a window/pick locks, right?

 

I'll take care of everything that needs to happen with the phone.

I did also get cameras.  What does it matter who suggested I change the locks??  Why do you feel the need to disagree with everything I say?

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1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

I did change the locks.  I do plan on getting my number changed as well.

Yes, he is back.

Getting your number changed is easy. I did it. Like I said before, it only took 15 minutes to text my new number to those who I wanted to have it. No one struggled to get ahold of me except perhaps the man who I DIDN'T want to get ahold of me which was the entire point.

Blocking doesn't work because stalker types will call and text from other, different numbers. If they don't have the new number they cannot contact you.

I'm glad your son is back to give you moral and emotional support.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Getting your number changed is easy. I did it. Like I said before, it only took 15 minutes to text my new number to those who I wanted to have it. No one struggled to get ahold of me except perhaps the man who I DIDN'T want to get ahold of me which was the entire point.

Blocking doesn't work because stalker types will call and text from other, different numbers. If they don't have the new number they cannot contact you.

I'm glad your son is back to give you moral and emotional support.

You're exactly right about the different numbers.  He has called me several times from random numbers.  Burner numbers are very easy to obtain.

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@Wiseman2 Blocking doesn't work. Stalkers will have multiple cell phone numbers to reach her. She can simply text her new numbers to those who needs it. Not the damn psycho. 

It doesn't matter who suggest she should change the locks. 

She needs to be safe from him. That is ultimate priority. 

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8 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Stalkers will have multiple cell phone numbers to reach her. She needs to be safe from him. 

Supposedly he's in jail. How he's calling from multiple phones?

 Again " @Anonymous ", my advice was to listen to experts on the situation including whatever the law enforcement personnel recommend and her attorneys recommend.

 

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@Wiseman2 Although I agree that she should listen to experts on the situation, it is not wrong to take it a bit further to ensure that she is safe.

On 6/25/2021 at 12:31 PM, Mommy1995 said:

You're exactly right about the different numbers.  He has called me several times from random numbers.  Burner numbers are very easy to obtain.

^^^

You have said that he wouldn't contact her in jail.

He's only in jail for what, 10 days (?) if I am correct. As long as he knows her number then he will contact her without a doubt.

The most important thing here is her safety. It isn't wrong to make sure that she is definitely safe. She can change locks, drive far away from him, get a new life etc. Keeping him away from her physically doesn't mean that he would not come back.

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On 6/25/2021 at 12:27 PM, boltnrun said:

I'm glad your son is back to give you moral and emotional support.

It's sad to drag the kids through this. They are kids, not therapists.

They need to be protected not holding adults' hands.

Hopefully they are staying with the father more often so they are safe.

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's sad to drag the kids through this. They are kids, not therapists.

They need to be protected not holding adults' hands.

Hopefully they are staying with the father more often so they are safe.

This is the 22 year old son, @Wiseman2  Not a "kid".  My adult children and I support each other emotionally without playing "therapist".  It's what families do.

It's OK for people to have different opinions, advice and points of view.  It doesn't make your advice (or anyone else's) less valid or valuable.  We're all just trying to help the OP, right?

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5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It's OK for people to have different opinions, advice and points of view. 

@boltnrun Agree.

You nor @DarkCh0c0 have to agree with my suggestions that she consult with law enforcement or attorneys to make sure it's an appropriate action down the line.

I do not know her jurisdiction, therefore whatever the detectives/police, her attorneys advise there is best.

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On 6/26/2021 at 5:28 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Supposedly he's in jail. How he's calling from multiple phones?

 Again " @Anonymous ", my advice was to listen to experts on the situation including whatever the law enforcement personnel recommend and her attorneys recommend.

 

Yes, he's in jail but he will get out.  His 10 days will be up on July 4.  I don't know if this will violate his probation.  If so, he could be stayer longer.  So if he does get out, he can get burner numbers to get in touch with me.

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21 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This is the 22 year old son, @Wiseman2  Not a "kid".  My adult children and I support each other emotionally without playing "therapist".  It's what families do.

It's OK for people to have different opinions, advice and points of view.  It doesn't make your advice (or anyone else's) less valid or valuable.  We're all just trying to help the OP, right?

Thank you!  Yes, he is an adult.  He definitely needs to know what's going on.  Heck, he lives there for God's sake.  He HAS to know what's going on.  

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16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

@boltnrun Agree.

You nor @DarkCh0c0 have to agree with my suggestions that she consult with law enforcement or attorneys to make sure it's an appropriate action down the line.

I do not know her jurisdiction, therefore whatever the detectives/police, her attorneys advise there is best.

I did contact the police.  That's why he's in jail.  I changed the locks because I wanted me and my kids to be safe.  It was the smart thing to do, obviously.

I called the state legal aid office and they have contacted an attorney for me.  I should be getting a call in a couple days.

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2 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

 His 10 days will be up on July.  

Ok if he violates the restraining order again, call the police and they'll arrest him, no? Can you prove he's breaking the restraining order if he does this?

Does your restraining order include contacting, going near your property and workplace as well as approaching you a certain number of feet?

Do you rent or co-own? Can you move out before the 90 day order of protection expires?

If you rent, that would be easier. Have you discussed the locks, restraining order and getting out of the lease with your landlord? 

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On 6/25/2021 at 10:01 PM, hoshi said:

Make sure you stay safe while doing so OP. He's a psycho. 

Are you staying somewhere safe? How is your son doing?

Make sure you keep yourself super duper safe. By that I mean to the max.

I'm doing everything I know to do to stay safe.  My son is doing ok.  

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Ok if he violates the restraining order again, call the police and they'll arrest him, no? Can you prove he's breaking the restraining order if he does this?

Does your restraining order include contacting, going near your property and workplace as well as approaching you a certain number of feet?

Do you rent or co-own? Can you move out before the 90 day order of protection expires?

If you rent, that would be easier. Have you discussed the locks, restraining order and getting out of the lease with your landlord? 

Yes, if he contacts me again, I can prove that.

Yes, he can't come within 1000 yards of me.

I rent.  I'm currently looking for another place.  Yes, I contacted the landlord about everything.  I'm on a month to month lease so I don't have to discuss getting out of the lease.

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