Controlling Behavior

[Batya33]

48 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I did look into it but I couldn't find anything but what he had told me.  I'm not even sure how my daughter got into his record but she found everything.

She found it because it's findable.  You could have done the same a long time ago and you chose not to (or hired someone to do it).  Please get the help you need for yourself so you make better choices as to who you allow around your children and who you interact with.  

[Mommy1995]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

She found it because it's findable.  You could have done the same a long time ago and you chose not to (or hired someone to do it).  Please get the help you need for yourself so you make better choices as to who you allow around your children and who you interact with.  

You're exactly right.  I just chose to believe and trust him.

[tattoobunnie]

OP, this video is also for you: 

 

[Mommy1995]

Just wanted to give an update.  We went to court this morning and judge granted me an extension on the protective order for 90 days.  I have also contacted an attorney for the divorce.

[boltnrun]

37 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Just wanted to give an update.  We went to court this morning and judge granted me an extension on the protective order for 90 days.  I have also contacted an attorney for the divorce.

That's good news.

So is he not allowed to come to the house?

[Mommy1995]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That's good news.

So is he not allowed to come to the house?

No, he's not.  Plus he got 10 days in jail for contacting me but the judge suspended it unless he contacts me again.

[boltnrun]

45 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

No, he's not.  Plus he got 10 days in jail for contacting me but the judge suspended it unless he contacts me again.

And this is the man who was going to "ruin" your life. What a pathetic little man.

I hope he leaves you alone and you can get your divorce quickly.

[LotusBlack]

1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

Just wanted to give an update.  We went to court this morning and judge granted me an extension on the protective order for 90 days.  I have also contacted an attorney for the divorce.

I know it has been rough and despite the lousy things he has done to you, we understand that it isn’t simply a matter of turning your feelings off just like that. There are going to be challenging days where you may feel confused about everything or unsure, angry, relieved, scared, doubting, etc. But, you are doing the right thing and you just have to keep moving forward. Abraham Lincoln once said, “I may walk slowly, but I never walk backwards.” So, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and soon the direction will become natural.

You children will also thank you for giving your relationship with them a fighting chance. It may not be today or tomorrow, or even a year from now; you still have a lot of damage to repair, trust to regain, and burned bridges to rebuild, but just keep working on it. Keep putting them first and even when they are angry and lash out, if they do, don’t give up on your relationship. They may not show it, but they will have experienced trauma, so be mindful and understanding of that. And learn from this experience; make it a part of your history that ultimately makes you a better person and mother. Don’t turn back!

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

We went to court this morning and judge granted me an extension on the protective order for 90 days.

Excellent. It's not very long, but it gives you 3 mos. to get yourself together, think about where you want to live and get the ball rolling with an attorney.

[Mommy1995]

Well, he couldn't go one day without contacting me.  He sent me an email at 12:15 this morning.

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Well, he couldn't go one day without contacting me.  He sent me an email at 12:15 this morning.

Did you forward the email to the police?  He is not to contact you per the protection order, correct?

And please, for the love of God, do not say you "can't" report him because he'd get into trouble or whatever.  You have to be beyond the stage where you feel sorry for him or "love" him and want to protect him from his own terrible behavior.

[Wiseman2]

45 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Well, he couldn't go one day without contacting me.  He sent me an email at 12:15 this morning.

 Is this covered in your restraining order? If not, it's your job to stop communicating with him.

[Mommy1995]

Y

55 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Did you forward the email to the police?  He is not to contact you per the protection order, correct?

And please, for the love of God, do not say you "can't" report him because he'd get into trouble or whatever.  You have to be beyond the stage where you feel sorry for him or "love" him and want to protect him from his own terrible behavior.

Yes, I reported it.

[Mommy1995]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Is this covered in your restraining order? If not, it's your job to stop communicating with him.

Yes, it is and it's not my job to not communicate with him.  I had replied to a few of his texts before yesterday and the judge said I was not in contempt or anything like that because the order was on him and not me.  

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I had replied to a few of his texts before yesterday.  

What did he want and what did you say?

[Mommy1995]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What did he want and what did you say?

OMG, lots of things.  He sent me 69 texts in all.  All I did was tell him to leave me alone.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

OMG, lots of things.  He sent me 69 texts in all.  All I did was tell him to leave me alone.

You're not allowed to block him?

[Mommy1995]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're not allowed to block him?

Yeah but then I'd have no proof of his threats.

[HeartGoesOn]

16 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Yeah but then I'd have no proof of his threats.

It sounds like you already have enough proof.  Hopefully this is not an excuse to stay in touch, as it has the potential to backfire.

[LotusBlack]

25 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Yeah but then I'd have no proof of his threats.

You wouldn’t be threatened at all and need said proof if you block him. You’ve already done what you need to do to get the ball rolling. Now, sever contact with him and move forward with your life.

[Mommy1995]

15 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

You wouldn’t be threatened at all and need said proof if you block him. You’ve already done what you need to do to get the ball rolling. Now, sever contact with him and move forward with your life.

I tried that and he showed up at my house.  This is the only way to get him to leave me alone for good.

 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I tried that and he showed up at my house.

Why not call the police? They would arrest him on the spot if you got a restraining order.

So you are allowing abuse to gather proof of abuse in order to prevent abuse?

[Mommy1995]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not call the police? They would arrest him on the spot if you got a restraining order.

So you are allowing abuse to gather proof of abuse in order to prevent abuse?

This was before the restraining order that he came to the house.  He hasn't been back since.  I'm not allowing abuse!  I'm doing what I have to do to get him to where he can't bother me and my family anymore!!

If you're just going to be rude, why don't you stop commenting??

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Mommy1995 said:

This was before the restraining order that he came to the house. 

Your posts are out of sequence and sound like your text chat was to prevent him showing up at this time.  When you post the past as the present it's unclear so puzzled responses to circular remarks are not "rude", what is rude is people trying to help you and your overaction and beating people up for that.

[boltnrun]

Are the police going to arrest him now?  Hasn't he violated the order of protection?