Jump to content

Controlling Behavior


Recommended Posts

1 minute ago, Mommy1995 said:

No!!  I am done!!  This is the final straw.  

He called my work yesterday and told them I was harassing him so he's trying to get me fired already.

Tell your HR department that you are going through a divorce and your husband is being contentious. No need to give more details. They've seen it all before.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

32 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

We have been married for 2 years.  I was divorced for about a year.  We dated for a year before we got married. The only charge I was aware of was a drug possession.

Ok. Is it his house? He won't be allowed there when you get a restraining order.

Move your all stuff out if it's his house. If both of you own it you'll have to figure that out with divorce.

It's not too late to undo all your mistakes. Focus on facts, actions, etc. rather than emotions. 

You work so you have money for an attorney and most pro bono is for indigent people. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He called my work yesterday and told them I was harassing him.

Stop focusing on nonsense. Your employer will be informed of your restraining order,  which will include your workplace. Read it thoroughly.

Do you work together?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Tell your HR department that you are going through a divorce and your husband is being contentious. No need to give more details. They've seen it all before.

I told them what was going on yesterday.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Is it his house? He won't be allowed there when you get a restraining order.

Move your all stuff out if it's his house. If both of you own it you'll have to figure that out with divorce.

It's not too late to undo all your mistakes. Focus on facts, actions, etc. rather than emotions. 

You work so you have money for an attorney and most pro bono is for indigent people. 

No, it's our house.  We are both on the lease.  The restraining order says that he shall not enter our residence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop focusing on nonsense. Your employer will be informed of your restraining order,  which will include your workplace. Read it thoroughly.

Do you work together?

No, we do not work together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

let's hope he goes to jail. Make note, some of the time, they don't inform you of his release. So keep track of it on the court docket which is free information to the public. You can find it on the web.

since it's a lease you may want to break that lease and find a new place to live, where he can't find you.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

yesterday my daughter found his full record. 

Good girl.

4 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

He has 61 charges against him.  Everything from drug possession to domestic assault.  I had no idea he had such a record.

Not surprising, given the way that he's carried on. But very scary that you've gotten so close to him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

Well, I understand people make mistakes and he said he was a different person than he was when that happened and like an idiot, I believed him.  

Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you so gullible for everything he tells you? 

His behavior was preposterous. Perfect strangers could see that. 

3 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

I accepted him for who he claimed to be.  I accepted that he said it was a mistake and he had changed.

Why, though? His actions showed you so clearly that he wasn't a nice person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Mommy1995 said:

We are both on the lease.  

If it's rented just move all your stuff out asap, let him deal with it. He is not going to pay rent while in jail/not working so you'll be evicted anyway.

You can't live there any longer anyway, too risky. Move in with your mother. 

Your children are safer away from all this and/or with their father.

Whatever restraining order you get applies to wherever you live and work. It is not for a specific address, but rather wherever you are located.

If you live with your mother your children may be willing to visit you. At your/his rental, they may be in danger. 

At any rate, talk to a lawyer about all these new developments. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you so gullible for everything he tells you? 

His behavior was preposterous. Perfect strangers could see that. 

Why, though? His actions showed you so clearly that he wasn't a nice person.

Because he is very good at manipulating and lying!!  He always apologized and made me feel like it was my fault.  I just fell for it.  I guess I'm just a weak and gullible person.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If it's rented just move all your stuff out asap, let him deal with it. He is not going to pay rent while in jail/not working so you'll be evicted anyway.

You can't live there any longer anyway, too risky. Move in with your mother. 

Your children are safer away from all this and/or with their father.

Whatever restraining order you get applies to wherever you live and work. It is not for a specific address, but rather wherever you are located.

If you live with your mother your children may be willing to visit you. At your/his rental, they may be in danger. 

At any rate, talk to a lawyer about all these new developments. 

The restraining order says he can not come within 1000 yards of me.

I'm still waiting to hear from the attorney.

Meanwhile, I've found out who his probation officer is and I'm calling her at lunch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Mommy1995 said:

Because he is very good at manipulating and lying!!  He always apologized and made me feel like it was my fault.  I just fell for it.  I guess I'm just a weak and gullible person.  

You must have wanted him very badly to ignore his abuse and threats to beat up your own child.

If you're one of those people who is "afraid to be 'alone'" you will fall for this again. You may even go back to him.

I hope you rescheduled your therapy appointment. It's vital that you figure out how to resist him and men like him, and to find out why you think you "love" a man who abuses you and threatens to beat up your child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

26 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I've found out who his probation officer is and I'm calling her at lunch.

Why? She will find put from appropriate law enforcement.

Why make useless dangerous calls, when you need to talk to your attorney?

Talk to Your people, not his.

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

You must have wanted him very badly to ignore his abuse and threats to beat up your own child.

If you're one of those people who is "afraid to be 'alone'" you will fall for this again. You may even go back to him.

I hope you rescheduled your therapy appointment. It's vital that you figure out how to resist him and men like him, and to find out why you think you "love" a man who abuses you and threatens to beat up your child.

No, I am not afraid to be alone.  He's just very good at convincing me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why? She will find put from appropriate law enforcement.

Why make useless dangerous calls, when you need to talk to your attorney?

Talk to Your people, not his.

Because she needs to know that he's doing this.  I have called and called the attorney and can't get through.  I'll start looking for another one today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Mommy1995 said:

No, I am not afraid to be alone.  He's just very good at convincing me.

It's called gaslighting.  This is something you will work on and through with a counselor.  I mean, I get that you think you can just get over it or time will heal, but when dealing with a complete narcissist, all hands on deck...the longer you are with them, they more they breakdown what you think is real and what you can trust.  Do not think you are the only one.  They pour on the charm and slowly ease on the abuse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

His parole officer will know when she gets the notice from law enforcement. She's not your therapist.

I never implied that she was. 

Edited by Mommy1995
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

It's called gaslighting.  This is something you will work on and through with a counselor.  I mean, I get that you think you can just get over it or time will heal, but when dealing with a complete narcissist, all hands on deck...the longer you are with them, they more they breakdown what you think is real and what you can trust.  Do not think you are the only one.  They pour on the charm and slowly ease on the abuse.

Wow, you just described him to a T!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/15/2021 at 3:05 PM, Mommy1995 said:

 

I'm really curious... Has fear kicked in for you?? Do you feel scared of him now?? 

We humans can normalize pretty much anything. It's amazing, really. We adapt to whatever we think is going to meet our needs. He's been filling some need for you. You're going to have to figure that out in therapy, what is so compelling that you've rationalized away so many red flags and so much abuse? 

Therapists have so many resources at their disposal too. I hope you'll prioritize those appointments. He/she will be able to help you in navigating all this. 

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm really curious... Has fear kicked in for you?? Do you feel scared of him now?? 

We humans can normalize pretty much anything. It's amazing, really. We adapt to whatever we think is going to meet our needs. He's been filling some need for you. You're going to have to figure that out in therapy, what is so compelling that you've rationalized away so many red flags and so much abuse? 

Agree. I think that's probably why she's been so accepting of everything he says and does. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/3/2021 at 11:33 AM, Mommy1995 said:

I did file an order of protection and then he told me he was going to have me arrested and so I dropped it.

If you filed this, why didn't his rap sheet show up at that time?

A lot of people google online dates for criminal background checks.

When he told you he's been arrested and on parole, did you ever look into it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you filed this, why didn't his rap sheet show up at that time?

A lot of people google online dates for criminal background checks.

When he told you he's been arrested and on parole, did you ever look into it?

I did look into it but I couldn't find anything but what he had told me.  I'm not even sure how my daughter got into his record but she found everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...