Controlling Behavior

[Mommy1995]

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

You already know your husband is abusive.

I thought you decided to divorce him. Did he in fact move out or did you decide you want to stay together? 

[melancholy123]

28 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

Yes it's ALL abuse.

[Mommy1995]

18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You already know your husband is abusive.

I thought you decided to divorce him. Did he in fact move out or did you decide you want to stay together? 

He moved out.

[smackie9]

How long has he been gone? Are you questioning your decision to divorce him? Is he contacting you and trying to get back?

[LaHermes]

1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

OP, all this is now beside the point., He is, thankfully, gone. Why keep tormenting yourself with these ruminations.

 

[boltnrun]

16 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He moved out.

That's great.

So yes, he is abusive. All the way around.

Are you able to attend counseling? It's a great idea to talk to someone who specializes in abuse so they can help you get through the next few months.  They can help you when you start to "miss" him or think you "overreacted".

And most importantly,  do not communicate with him. You already know you have a tendency to believe everything he says, so don't even give him the chance to confuse you.

[Mommy1995]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

How long has he been gone? Are you questioning your decision to divorce him? Is he contacting you and trying to get back?

He's gone for a week.  Yes, he's trying to get me back.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He moved out.

Are you divorced? Are your children ok? My advice remains the same as in your other threads:

 

[smackie9]

5 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He's gone for a week.  Yes, he's trying to get me back.

So this is why you ask right? Please don't have any doubt about your decision for a divorce. I suggest you cut off contact with him to make this easier on yourself. All he is doing is trying to manipulate you. He's trying to control you in any way he can, if it's texting you or calling you. Cut him off.

[Mommy1995]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you divorced? Are your children ok? My advice remains the same as in your other threads:

 

Everybody is fine.

[Mommy1995]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

So this is why you ask right? Please don't have any doubt about your decision for a divorce. I suggest you cut off contact with him to make this easier on yourself. All he is doing is trying to manipulate you. He's trying to control you in any way he can, if it's texting you or calling you. Cut him off.

Yes, I'm doubting now because he is trying to tell me I'm wrong and we are all doing him wrong.  He makes me feel like I'm a horrible person for trying to take care of my kids and keep them safe.

[LaHermes]

Will you please stop listening to him and having any kind of conversation with him. Cut him off. He is no longer in the house.

 

[Mommy1995]

2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Will you please stop listening to him and having any kind of conversation with him. Cut him off. He is no longer in the house.

 

I can't!!  If I don't answer, he comes to my house!

[LaHermes]

3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I can't!!  If I don't answer, he comes to my house!

That is called stalking and harassment.  So, get a restraining order!!

And do not open the door when he comes to the house.  Do not engage. He sounds utterly insane! 

See your lawyer asap, tell him/her the situation and set the divorce in motion. 

 

Edited June 3, 2021 by LaHermes

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

he comes to my house!

His house, you're not divorced.

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I can't!!  If I don't answer, he comes to my house!

Then you ask your attorney to file an order of protection. 

Yes, you can.

[Mommy1995]

Our house!

[LaHermes]

Will you please stop with the excuses! Have you seen a lawyer yet? If not, why not?

 

[Mommy1995]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Then you ask your attorney to file an order of protection. 

Yes, you can.

I did file an order of protection and then he told me he was going to have me arrested and so I dropped it.

[LaHermes]

3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

he told me he was going to have me arrested

This is the craziest stuff I've read in a long time.  Why are you communicating with him? Listening to his craziness? Just file the order, and you don't have to announce to him that you are doing it.  Come on!

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

This is the craziest stuff I've read in a long time.  

Check the last couple (closed) threads.

Edited June 3, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Mommy1995]

I know it's crazy but this is my life.  You don't have to be hateful.

Edited June 3, 2021 by Mommy1995

[LaHermes]

No one is being hateful, OP. 

This is NOT your life. Remember the other threads?  You need to get a hold of yourself. The idea was that you'd see a lawyer, get a divorce, have everything properly documented, with strict visitation rights in place.

Instead here you are a prisoner with this madman showing up at the house at any time.  Do you not see how crazy that sounds to us reading what you say!

Yes, Wiseman. I do indeed remember the other two threads. 

 

Edited June 3, 2021 by LaHermes

[Mommy1995]

4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

No one is being hateful, OP. 

This is NOT your life. Remember the other threads?  You need to get a hold of yourself. The idea was that you'd see a lawyer, get a divorce, have everything properly documented, with strict visitation rights in place.

Instead here you are a prisoner with this madman showing up at the house at any time.  Do you not see how crazy that sounds to us reading what you say!

Yes, Wiseman. I do indeed remember the other two threads. 

 

Visitation rights for who?? What are you talking about?