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Controlling Behavior

Mommy1995
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Mommy1995

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Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

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Mommy1995
Mommy1995

OK, so I got the restraining order yesterday.  He should be served with it today.  Also, my daughter filed charges for the items he stole from her.  I filed charges because he stole my wedding dress. 

shellyf62
shellyf62

Stop involving your children in this decision. You are a grown woman. Getting rid of a man threatening your children should be the number 1 priority. You should be protecting them, not asking them if

Cheetarah
Cheetarah

Your kids are actually setting an example for you here.  They have good boundaries.  They realize they cannot control what their mother does so they make the healthiest choices they can given their ag

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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24 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

You already know your husband is abusive.

I thought you decided to divorce him. Did he in fact move out or did you decide you want to stay together? 

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melancholy123 Grand Master

melancholy123

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28 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

Yes it's ALL abuse.

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You already know your husband is abusive.

I thought you decided to divorce him. Did he in fact move out or did you decide you want to stay together? 

He moved out.

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LaHermes Grand Master

LaHermes

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1 hour ago, Mommy1995 said:

Is controlling behavior such as telling somewhat what to say in situations considered abuse?  Also, telling somewhat what they can and can't wear, who they can be friends with and where they can and can't go.

OP, all this is now beside the point., He is, thankfully, gone. Why keep tormenting yourself with these ruminations.

 

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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16 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He moved out.

That's great.

So yes, he is abusive. All the way around.

Are you able to attend counseling? It's a great idea to talk to someone who specializes in abuse so they can help you get through the next few months.  They can help you when you start to "miss" him or think you "overreacted".

And most importantly,  do not communicate with him. You already know you have a tendency to believe everything he says, so don't even give him the chance to confuse you.

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

How long has he been gone? Are you questioning your decision to divorce him? Is he contacting you and trying to get back?

He's gone for a week.  Yes, he's trying to get me back.

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smackie9 Grand Master

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5 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

He's gone for a week.  Yes, he's trying to get me back.

So this is why you ask right? Please don't have any doubt about your decision for a divorce. I suggest you cut off contact with him to make this easier on yourself. All he is doing is trying to manipulate you. He's trying to control you in any way he can, if it's texting you or calling you. Cut him off.

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

So this is why you ask right? Please don't have any doubt about your decision for a divorce. I suggest you cut off contact with him to make this easier on yourself. All he is doing is trying to manipulate you. He's trying to control you in any way he can, if it's texting you or calling you. Cut him off.

Yes, I'm doubting now because he is trying to tell me I'm wrong and we are all doing him wrong.  He makes me feel like I'm a horrible person for trying to take care of my kids and keep them safe.

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Will you please stop listening to him and having any kind of conversation with him. Cut him off. He is no longer in the house.

 

I can't!!  If I don't answer, he comes to my house!

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LaHermes Grand Master

LaHermes

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3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

I can't!!  If I don't answer, he comes to my house!

That is called stalking and harassment.  So, get a restraining order!!

And do not open the door when he comes to the house.  Do not engage. He sounds utterly insane! 

See your lawyer asap, tell him/her the situation and set the divorce in motion. 

 

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Then you ask your attorney to file an order of protection. 

Yes, you can.

I did file an order of protection and then he told me he was going to have me arrested and so I dropped it.

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LaHermes Grand Master

LaHermes

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3 minutes ago, Mommy1995 said:

he told me he was going to have me arrested

This is the craziest stuff I've read in a long time.  Why are you communicating with him? Listening to his craziness? Just file the order, and you don't have to announce to him that you are doing it.  Come on!

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LaHermes Grand Master

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No one is being hateful, OP. 

This is NOT your life. Remember the other threads?  You need to get a hold of yourself. The idea was that you'd see a lawyer, get a divorce, have everything properly documented, with strict visitation rights in place.

Instead here you are a prisoner with this madman showing up at the house at any time.  Do you not see how crazy that sounds to us reading what you say!

Yes, Wiseman. I do indeed remember the other two threads. 

 

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Mommy1995 Collaborator

Mommy1995

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4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

No one is being hateful, OP. 

This is NOT your life. Remember the other threads?  You need to get a hold of yourself. The idea was that you'd see a lawyer, get a divorce, have everything properly documented, with strict visitation rights in place.

Instead here you are a prisoner with this madman showing up at the house at any time.  Do you not see how crazy that sounds to us reading what you say!

Yes, Wiseman. I do indeed remember the other two threads. 

 

Visitation rights for who?? What are you talking about?

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