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Growth & Gratitude Journal


maritalbliss86
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5 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Mylolita, that's so elegant. I love the deep cuts and the styles you wear.

I've always been a bit jealous of women who can pull that off and look sexy and refined at the same time. You definitely can. Me, I look horrible and sometimes cartoonish in clothes like that, and trust me, I've tried lol. I'm stuck with certain styles that aren't too loose nor too tight, not too high nor too low... because the rest just isn't flattering on me at all. Same thing with bras.. There's no getting away with braless or cute little things, but man do I wish. My bras are investments lol. I feel way more comfy with one on and I also just really like undergarments and lingerie. I have a sales lady who knows me and I have an account and I won't fool with anyone else. My SO even knows to go see her if he's going to gift me these things or a swimsuit (I go through a lot) and she picks it out, wraps it, and makes me feel way more wealthy than I really am ha. 

I'm really indifferent to people showing nipples, to breastfeed or just to show em off, but yeah it's another thing altogether to complain if people notice. Harass- no, there's never cool. But notice? Hey it's going to happen. 

I don't think though that it really has much to do with people's pursuit of killing off women's rights. I feel like some people are wing nuts and control freaks and they will be that way even if we cover head to toe. It's just about control. 

 

 

Thank you grand! 
 

It was a little saucy for a wedding dress as the back is open to nearly the bottom of my back 🤓 But it had a small train, and full length sleeves. Couldn’t get into it now if I starved myself for a month though - HA! 
 

Again I see so many merits to the kind of, what could you say? The C to D cup! The generous set! Maybe sometimes women who have more don’t feel comfortable having them out there and I get that too - so many different styles of clothing that show off and flatter different assets. I have always thought the humble but still gorgeous 70s wrap dress suits tiny chested girls like me, up to, as big as you can go! 
 

I am sure you look fabulous!

 

I have a habit of buying lingerie, wearing it once or twice and then indulging in something new. If I have anything expensive it’s because the husbands bought me it! 
 

Anyway, bowing out as this is your journal marital, hope you don’t mind my French leaning attitude and opinions towards style, fashion, flaunting and yes, totally braless darling, and sometimes sheer. Mwahahahaha! 
 

x

Edited by mylolita
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On 7/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, itsallgrand said:

There's no getting away with braless or cute little things, but man do I wish. My bras are investments lol. I feel way more comfy with one on and I also just really like undergarments and lingerie.

I'm the same way.  

You looked incredible, Lo...  I think all this project stuff going on is getting to me... we went out and cleared more trees and rocks and we all got lost in the view.  

I am worried about the US... it's like each side keeps getting more extreme - it reminds me of a toxic married couple that just needs to divorce already, because they no longer share the same values remotely.  Oh well ... Hopefully we'll move out of the country if it gets too extreme for us. 

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On 7/12/2022 at 4:34 PM, mylolita said:

Have you ever witnessed a catwalk? All the models have iron board flat chests.

Yes and I used to be fine with it because children aren't there at those events.  It never bothered me then.

This is different as it was a public event where children were with their parents... so a different thing when kids get exposed to breasts/genitals whether it's male or female, etc. that feels more, "wrong."  

I get it that happens in European countries.  France is also where cheating is practically normalized so I think that goes with their values and lower views of women/marriage.

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On 7/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, itsallgrand said:

but yeah it's another thing altogether to complain if people notice.

You know... the thing is that I'm sure if those women understood that my husband had noticed (and was disgusted), they definitely would have been outraged, complained and he would have been fired (he was working).  I think half the country is getting tired of putting up with that kind of toddler-like attitude of, "I do what I want and you can't do/say/think anything negative about it."

So that kind of dishonesty from women is what a lot of the country is noticing.  It's so dishonest that it becomes oppressive and totalitarian... It's ironic you mention control - because they have all the control here.  I do think a backlash like the Roe reversal will come due because it just makes sense as a societal correction....  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction kind of thing.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes and I used to be fine with it because children aren't there at those events.  It never bothered me then.

This is different as it was a public event where children were with their parents... so a different thing when kids get exposed to breasts/genitals whether it's male or female, etc. that feels more, "wrong."  

I get it that happens in European countries.  France is also where cheating is practically normalized so I think that goes with their values and lower views of women/marriage.

Something else I just thought of regarding modeling and France....

In France, female models are expected to do things that most American women would see as, "degrading."  And even as minors.   And if they refuse, they are fired.  Things like being expected to do an ad completely naked - and not get paid more for it... things like that are expected of them, which American models are usually shocked by because in America, women. are either paid more when naked or it's at least not always expected.  

Women models (women in general) are basically more *respected* in the American modeling world, whereas in France they don't have a say about those things and *will* lose their job/financial security if they refuse.  So which woman is more free?  It's the one who has the choice to refuse.  Models are always at risk of being exploited, but it's also well-known in that world that they are more likely to be exploited in Europe.

So copying their values wouldn't be a good thing for women in that way.  If anything it just makes men more used to expecting women be a certain value-less way, which ends up lowering their views of what women should be able to refuse (if that makes sense).

Edited by maritalbliss86
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Hey Marital!

 

Well why thank you very much 😎!

 

I think what I was referring too when using the word French to describe a type of style and effortless and casual way of wearing clothing was just that - it describes a look which, I think as a stereotype, we cook up a similar image. Red lips but not prissily or too carefully applied, loose, tousled just been laid hair, a boyish vibe of white open shirts, ballet pumps, high waisted jeans, cigarette pants. Bridgette Bardot and all of that. It’s a slightly Tom boyish, sexy style. The men are the same. And it is always envisioned with a skinny or slender figure. It is always open and braless and, you get the drift. My point is it is not an immoral way of dressing. Well, not in my opinion. I don’t really know what I would say was immoral. Anything where children have to be subjected to explicit sexuality, probably, but I think a slightly open shirt with a hint of the shape of a small pair of breasts is not that for me.

 

I also realise that Europe is completely different in it’s attitudes towards dress and sex than America. And myself as a Brit often forgets just how vast America is. And that each state, almost as big as their own countries, have varying opinions on sex and what is appropriate. The French are schmoozing love rats, to put a stereotype into play. But if you go to Berlin, even their swimming pools have a nudist section, and full on porn movies are shown on tv throughout the day. Now, I don’t agree with it but, it highlights how different European attitudes are.

 

I will sunbathe topless given any chance and often go to nudist beaches. When we went to Menorca often, the girls there would strip off to reveal the most beautiful, golden figures from a Greek ethos mythology and flop into the sea to swim, completely naked. In Sweden, whole families sauna together nude or just with a towel. It depends where you go, it really does.

 

I got naked for a living, my attitudes towards nudity are very relaxed as you can imagine. Britain in general is actually fairly prudish and generally reserved. Although, the youth, not so much. I don’t know about French models, but I do know all female models are paid way more than any male model ever will be. Receiving more money to do something naked seems even more immoral to me as it is almost saying look, there is a price for your body. Also, it might force women who would normally not do it, to just strip for the cash. But, I know nothing of modelling. I realise there is a shady underbelly to modelling, but that is a different thing.

 

I was a life model for a famous sculpture once who normally would use ballet dancers and was currently and at the time completing a bronze cast of Kate Moss, who had been sitting in the chair I was sitting the day before. I did the whole of his modelling muse or whatever you want to call it completely naked. I had to stand in the most horrendous contorted poses fully nude on a small podium in the highest heels to push my figure forward and arch my back. I was paid only £150 a day for it. I didn’t do it for the money. I am, bohemian? Maybe a little! Did I feel degraded? Absolutely never! 
 

I personally think the nude human form is a thing of absolute beauty. I collect nude portraits and art. I think half of our oil paintings are of nude figures. In the art world, and sculpture world, the nude is golden. Think of, the Greeks, and their beautiful marble statues, the renaissance portraits of Greek and Roman mythology, the Goddess draped semi-nude in robes. Even Jesus himself is so often depicted nude, save a scrap of fabric over his loins.

 

My daughter sees me out the shower now and then. My husband always covers up but only a few days ago she said, “Mammy, you are soft and beautiful. Do I have boobies?” I said no, but someday. There was no shame or trauma too it. I dressed and we went about our day. They are open to ask me any questions, I answer how I feel is appropriate. 

 

What is appropriate to wear to school or office? Is different. If you can do something with flair and style you can get away with a lot and bend the rules of etiquette and fashion to your whim but, I understand heavier busted ladies, things get more overtly sexual easier. 
 

In your life, about town, at home, in your garden? Do as you please and dress how you want! 
 

I myself have never been one for the rules. I recently went to a funeral and dressed all in neutrals - creams and bronzes and a pale lemon leather clutch. It was a refresh amidst the sea of depressing black. I wore, very high heels. I didn’t wear a bra either. Did I feel disrespectful? I felt very classy and put together and quite blended in actually! 
 

I think most women know when they dress to receive attention. If you want it, fine! If you’ve got it, especially whilst young and beautiful, I don’t think you will ever regret flaunting it a little. Everything and anything can be done very tastefully and beautifully. 
 

I personally always thought a ballet dancer in a tight and absolutely scooping low backed leotard was supremely ethereal and beautiful, the obvious curve of small breasts and nipples highlighted by the pale pink of Lycra. 
 

I have a photo of my Mum I also cherish. She is reclined in our garden, high summer, 30 years old, whilst me and my sister play at her feet, in a very sheer, lilac, floral full length dress. One tanned ankle is poking out over the lounger. And yes, her smallest of small breasts, the outline completely visible in the chiffon fabric, a hint of dark areola through the explosion of fussy print. 
 

You can see beauty in something, and another person can see obscenity. It depends who is looking! 
 

x

Edited by mylolita
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9 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

You know... the thing is that I'm sure if those women understood that my husband had noticed (and was disgusted), they definitely would have been outraged, complained and he would have been fired (he was working).  I think half the country is getting tired of putting up with that kind of toddler-like attitude of, "I do what I want and you can't do/say/think anything negative about it."

So that kind of dishonesty from women is what a lot of the country is noticing.  It's so dishonest that it becomes oppressive and totalitarian... It's ironic you mention control - because they have all the control here.  I do think a backlash like the Roe reversal will come due because it just makes sense as a societal correction....  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction kind of thing.

That's a way of looking at it I had considered honestly. 

I think in general, there's been a move away from embracing healthy criticism and debate for a lot of people. The general tone, in my country too (Canada), is moving towards more extremism and less open dialogue. 

Being able question, talk openly, is so important in my personal value system. I think it's a hallmark of a truly healthy society. Sadly, seems that's shrinking instead expanding of expanding in a lot of places. You've got extremists of all varieties and all sides. 

I consider myself rather moderate in most ways. The over turning of Roe VS Wade felt devastating to me though. I just think it will create so much needless suffering. In an ideal world, we wouldn't need to have abortion as an option. But the world is so much less than ideal. The stats for sexual assaults and child abuse are through the roof. There's people that aren't even getting basic education about their bodies, and who are prevented from birth control for so many reasons. We have kids who are getting pregnant. We have people who can't feed themselves, just thinking what another mouth to feed for them means sends shivers down my spine for them and the kids too. I'd love to see these things sorted... it's so long overdue. 

On another topic, I'm super excited for you and your new home!! Lots of work but so rewarding, yeah?!  It sounds like you have quite a spot! 

I have strong memories of helping with chicken slaughter and processing... did not enjoy haha. But I can do it if needed. Now I'm living with a vegan, so if we did have chickens or other animals they would get turned into pets by him and that would get pricey quick ha. 

 

 

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10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I have strong memories of helping with chicken slaughter and processing... did not enjoy haha.

I'm trying to shelter them from that as much as possible right now, but then part of me wants them to be able to learn how to do it just in case they need to in the future.  Our oldest will start helping soon I'm sure... and then maybe the younger ones once they're old enough, but I'll be fine if they want to wait until adults.

10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

On another topic, I'm super excited for you and your new home!! Lots of work but so rewarding, yeah?!  It sounds like you have quite a spot! 

 

Thank you it is very hard clearing it and moving rocks and such, but you're right, it is rewarding to see our work pay off.  

When our daughter saw the land a few days ago, after it was cleared, she burst into tears because all the cedar was down and chipped and it did look a little like a disaster had occurred.  She's 5 🙂 we were able to make her happy by showing her the views and where the house will be and everything.

Today we were out there for hours which wasn't the plan but things took longer than expected.  I thought everything was going well, was ready to take them to lunch and get burgers and smoothies but they had HAD it and were in terrible moods!  I had a full-on mutiny on my hands.  Ugh parenting!

 

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Just finished ordering each school-aged child their curriculum for this school year 🙂. It makes me so happy to see the new courses they'll be taking and all the new info they'll be learning.  I feel like I learn with them each year.  

I try to buy everything used if possible, and it saves 100's of dollars each time it seems.  One child's curriculum alone would be $500 to $1,000 if new... but you can find great deals for under $100 total per child.  So grateful there are people who resell!

Grateful I got it all ordered and figured out now.  

I think this is the earliest I've accomplished that.

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Posted (edited)

Ok... journals are for ranty spaces right?  Riiight?  So this is a rant continued lol... I'll call this the Boob-Sag-Rant.

It is a new trend to go braless for the younger generation (wow ...  totally sucks imo!)

(link)

Fashion mags for teens are actively encouraging it 😕. Wow.

So this explains why my husband saw what he did while out (I still have yet to see this in person... I'm waiting... waiting... ).  Apparently it's a well-documented thing, the author of the link said 75-80% of the women around here were letting it all just hang completely loose, and noticeable.

Soooo... I found a chart of different breasts being taken care of differently or formed differently.  Some cared for and some extremely neglected... here it is:

z5JHDpq84XX1JwsMCSZhRUvxyoopakce_lg.jpg.1a08a09f186ebfd8107951c81213d0b0.jpg

So... I get it that it sounds so wrong to talk about this, and yet I do wonder why though?  Why can't women discuss how to take care of breast tissue so that it doesn't sag, or so that it keeps it's natural, attractive shape?  Why is it so taboo?  (Or maybe it's just taboo if a man happens to notice sagging and be turned off by it?  LOL oh well... men are going to have their thoughts, and I think a lot of women are not going to like their bodies after this trend, or the way men react to them).

Even after 4 kids, breastfeeding them, and being 35, mine still look like the first picture, and that's with 32D / 34C so not exactly flat... I definitely need support.  If someone had told me that it was possible to look like that after 4 kids, back when I was 18 or 19, I would have been elated and had more hope.  I was not that hopeful to be honest.  My mom admitted she ruined her breasts in the 60's going braless all the time in her 20's, so I was warned, and thought we probably just had bad genetics.  Apparently wearing a bra or sports bra combats bad genetics (sad the younger crowd is being encouraged not to).

fjbpolka.thumb.jpg.9a38a3004aa13dbda7f9fccf70366243.jpg

I'm happy with my body, happy it wasn't taboo for my mom to tell me this stuff... hopefully once our pool is hauled in this will be me next summer....  

Why not take care of your body? I just don't understand it.

Will these girls be OK, happy with their bodies 15 years from now?  😬 something tells me no.

Edited by maritalbliss86
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7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It is a new trend to go braless for the younger generation (wow ...  totally sucks imo!)

Fashion mags for teens are actively encouraging it 😕. Wow.

You don't like this trend because you find it "vulgar" or because you think new generation's boobs would have gravity issues in the future?

Personally, as a guy braless or not it does not make any difference. Now I don't agree when some women are dressed (or not) for attention and say guys are creepy because they look. Checking someone out is not creepy it's instinctive reaction. Dress like a middle eastern woman and nobody would check you out. I believe all these trends belong to this metoo or similar nonsense movements which are pushed by the media. 

On the gravity part, I really don't know how it works, they say bras help with the gravity, who knows, are there any studies supporting that?

If it's you in the photo, I commend you, not many people have this physique, let alone after 4 kids. 

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Posted (edited)

oh my word... we're gonna have to poop in buckets and create some kind of ... I don't even know... compost pile LOL

I'm crying...  I don't think I'm strong enough for this lifestyle ...  (Snowflake Generation Darnit'!  I didn't realize we'd be living, "off grid,"  what is that?!)

Wow!

Edited by maritalbliss86
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11 hours ago, dias said:

You don't like this trend because you find it "vulgar" or because you think new generation's boobs would have gravity issues in the future?

I think it's both that bothers me... but their gravity issues aren't in the future, my husband said they looked like the second and last drawings, so the tissue is pretty much damaged by that point.  He had a disgust reaction (and yes I feel bad for them), I can only imagine how much worse that will become as they get into their 30's and 40's....  They'll need plastic surgery/implants to get back to how they were supposed to be.  

So seeing someone destroy part of themselves is awful on many fronts I guess.  Vulgar, unnecessary, destroying society, their bodies...  I'll let it go.  Just sad to see misinformation and the effects of that misinformation.

 

 

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Finished State of Fear ... it was an easy read even though it's close to 800 pages.  

The real scientific data and bibliography was so intense, 37 pages of bibliography alone (!), and apparently it revealed too much to where the Goddard Inst. for Space Studies changed their webpage after his book's publication... 

"Note: Shortly after the hardcover publication of this book, GISS changed its website to show less data.  The station data no longer goes back before 1880, and thus heightens the appearance of a steady rise in temperature."  

When the data was included, it showed only a slight change of a half a degree over 200 years, so not much global warming.  So they removed that data.

I don't think the majority of the younger generation would be able to understand this book, let alone read through 800 pages.  Our oldest is reading the author's other book, Jurassic Park and loving it. ❤️ 

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On 7/19/2022 at 10:57 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

Ok... journals are for ranty spaces right?  Riiight?  So this is a rant continued lol... I'll call this the Boob-Sag-Rant.

It is a new trend to go braless for the younger generation (wow ...  totally sucks imo!)

(link)

Fashion mags for teens are actively encouraging it 😕. Wow.

So this explains why my husband saw what he did while out (I still have yet to see this in person... I'm waiting... waiting... ).  Apparently it's a well-documented thing, the author of the link said 75-80% of the women around here were letting it all just hang completely loose, and noticeable.

Soooo... I found a chart of different breasts being taken care of differently or formed differently.  Some cared for and some extremely neglected... here it is:

z5JHDpq84XX1JwsMCSZhRUvxyoopakce_lg.jpg.1a08a09f186ebfd8107951c81213d0b0.jpg

So... I get it that it sounds so wrong to talk about this, and yet I do wonder why though?  Why can't women discuss how to take care of breast tissue so that it doesn't sag, or so that it keeps it's natural, attractive shape?  Why is it so taboo?  (Or maybe it's just taboo if a man happens to notice sagging and be turned off by it?  LOL oh well... men are going to have their thoughts, and I think a lot of women are not going to like their bodies after this trend, or the way men react to them).

Even after 4 kids, breastfeeding them, and being 35, mine still look like the first picture, and that's with 32D / 34C so not exactly flat... I definitely need support.  If someone had told me that it was possible to look like that after 4 kids, back when I was 18 or 19, I would have been elated and had more hope.  I was not that hopeful to be honest.  My mom admitted she ruined her breasts in the 60's going braless all the time in her 20's, so I was warned, and thought we probably just had bad genetics.  Apparently wearing a bra or sports bra combats bad genetics (sad the younger crowd is being encouraged not to).

fjbpolka.thumb.jpg.9a38a3004aa13dbda7f9fccf70366243.jpg

I'm happy with my body, happy it wasn't taboo for my mom to tell me this stuff... hopefully once our pool is hauled in this will be me next summer....  

Why not take care of your body? I just don't understand it.

Will these girls be OK, happy with their bodies 15 years from now?  😬 something tells me no.

Morning Marital,

 

I won’t go on about the boob debate, or what you refer to as “pancake boobs”, which I find to be quite cruel! But I will add, using a picture of a fitness Instagram influencer as an example is misleading, especially when she has breast implants anyway. I don’t think women who have surgically enhanced breasts should really enter the benefits of wearing a bra debate! 
 

https://www.instagram.com/lovesweatfitness/

 

x

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We had an amazing back to school bash thing tonight. It was basically like a fair but everything was free for the kids and their families and they gave out backpacks full of school supplies to each child. I've never seen anything like it where a community came together like this and provided for the kids of that community. It was $1,000s of dollars worth of school supplies and backpacks... Just amazing! 

They also had free physicals and vaccines for those who wanted or needed them... Just the amount of coordinating was amazing.

And I'd known about this event for awhile, the woman leading it invited me to help a couple of months ago, and I wanted to , but in the end they ended up asking my husband for help with his certain expertise 🙂 so I was a little bummed not to be needed and yet proud that he's acknowledged for his work and wanted. Anyway, it was great that I ended up just getting to take the kids and have fun with them while he was basically their undercover security walking the fair/bash. The lady leading it had 4 kids of her own, adopted a 5th from family, and then had a surprise child that is our oldest's age, so she's incredible. Most her kids are adults now, so she has the time to volunteer etc. I just can't wait until I have that kind of time... It is hard waiting.

Had a conversation in the car with our older two how this was possible because of a small group of Christians in the community that got together to put it on and get all the supplies, backpacks, schools to coordinate together, doctors giving vaccines and physicals... None of it would have been possible without Christians making it happen because they wanted to help these families and kids. I've never seen atheists or other groups do anything *remotely* like this, both financially and personally giving their time and especially their money in this kind of mass action. Only Christians, with all their flaws etc, seem to care enough to do this kind of effort. It was wonderful and helped so many in this economy ❤️❤️❤️ seeing them go away with heavy backpacks full of supplies, it was just mind blowing.

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On 7/26/2022 at 1:04 AM, mylolita said:

Morning Marital,

 

I won’t go on about the boob debate, or what you refer to as “pancake boobs”, which I find to be quite cruel! But I will add, using a picture of a fitness Instagram influencer as an example is misleading, especially when she has breast implants anyway. I don’t think women who have surgically enhanced breasts should really enter the benefits of wearing a bra debate! 
 

https://www.instagram.com/lovesweatfitness/

 

x

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I think it's far more cruel to assure them that their boobs will be ok 💯 (which is lying to them when it's obviously not the reality for many out there).

Clearly many aren't getting away with it, and it's harming their bodies (and affecting how attractive they are).

It's not, "cruel," to point that out or try to warn others about it. I find it ironic that you consider me cruel when I tried to warn a random stranger (which was off topic but that concern was there in trying to educate someone that is probably being told the opposite).

I had concern about a lot of things concerning this trend, but yes, I felt sorry for them of course. Using the words, "pancake boobs," was the only way I thought I could get across how bad it looked according to what my husband saw. It was descriptive, not meant as insulting them personally. So many (including you) ganged up on me to defend that it wasn't that bad because you personally get away with it.  When yes, it definitely was that bad for these women. How ironic that once I convince you it really looked that bad, suddenly you accuse me of being, "cruel."  You didn't believe me without my going more descriptive 🤷‍♀️ so I described them as best I could, which you then found offensive lol. 

And yes I look very much like the fitness trainer, we are even the same age 35... (and I don't have implants 😉). 

I know you're not into fitness right? You don't value it from what I've read.  I think we're opposite in that regard...  I'm very proud of maintaining fitness after four kids, being strong and fit feels amazing. To me it's an accomplishment ❤️ something to be proud of because it's so hard, and rare.  None of the women in my family (mom, grands and great grands) were able to lose their baby weight, so I was very very worried about it.  I saw them deal with all kinds of major health issues from it. We have thyroid disease in my family, and I was just diagnosed with it this week (I knew it was coming so this isn't a surprise), maintaining a good body with hypothyroidism makes it even more of a success personally, I am happy with how I've managed it.  My doctor remarked that I don't even look like I have it, but I do need the medicine because it's causing problems with general autoimmune disease stuff.  I know that could come off as too arrogant tp be proud of taking care of yourself, but I think younger women need to know there are different ways to live your life, with different results, some worse and some better. Seeing is believing, and seeing the difference of someone who takes care of their body is very powerful.

I was always inspired by women who still looked amazing after having kids, their example made me know it was possible. I want to be that example for others, albeit a much quieter one than someone on Instagram 😉.  I'm more of a real life person... I'd much rather inspire people in real life it's a lot more rewarding than online, and I think the most impact something like that can have is on my children, too, they'll know.

There are different ways to live your life ... with different results. You can take care of your body, or not, and reap the benefits or pay the price. It's really not much different than obesity or drugs or anorexia or smoking... harming tissue is still harming tissue.

But meanwhile Teen Vogue is encouraging them to continue going braless and end up having pancake boobs (or sagging if you prefer). 

See I think it is cruel when a magazine they listen to for beauty advice encourages young women to destroy their breast tissue before they're even 25.

We'll have to agree to disagree that we have different thoughts on what is actually cruel.

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Posted (edited)

To add onto the post hidden atm.... How crazy that the fitness trainer I posted because we look so alike even has the same diagnosis as I have, Hashimoto's hypothyroidism. It's very genetic, so we're even similar genetically... which makes sense hmmm. How odd though to even be the same age.

Sometimes I wonder if having something like that makes you take better care of your body, and work harder than if you didn't have to struggle.  Not always but it's definitely the case for me, and apparently her lol.

Edited by maritalbliss86
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8 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

We had an amazing back to school bash thing tonight. It was basically like a fair but everything was free for the kids and their families and they gave out backpacks full of school supplies to each child. I've never seen anything like it where a community came together like this and provided for the kids of that community. It was $1,000s of dollars worth of school supplies and backpacks... Just amazing! 

They also had free physicals and vaccines for those who wanted or needed them... Just the amount of coordinating was amazing.

And I'd known about this event for awhile, the woman leading it invited me to help a couple of months ago, and I wanted to , but in the end they ended up asking my husband for help with his certain expertise 🙂 so I was a little bummed not to be needed and yet proud that he's acknowledged for his work and wanted. Anyway, it was great that I ended up just getting to take the kids and have fun with them while he was basically their undercover security walking the fair/bash. The lady leading it had 4 kids of her own, adopted a 5th from family, and then had a surprise child that is our oldest's age, so she's incredible. Most her kids are adults now, so she has the time to volunteer etc. I just can't wait until I have that kind of time... It is hard waiting.

Had a conversation in the car with our older two how this was possible because of a small group of Christians in the community that got together to put it on and get all the supplies, backpacks, schools to coordinate together, doctors giving vaccines and physicals... None of it would have been possible without Christians making it happen because they wanted to help these families and kids. I've never seen atheists or other groups do anything *remotely* like this, both financially and personally giving their time and especially their money in this kind of mass action. Only Christians, with all their flaws etc, seem to care enough to do this kind of effort. It was wonderful and helped so many in this economy ❤️❤️❤️ seeing them go away with heavy backpacks full of supplies, it was just mind blowing.

Wanted to add this conversation also came up about how atheists just don't do things like this, whereas Christians do, because my oldest just finished his Jurassic Park book.  There was a ton of evolution talk in it, plenty of opportunities to criticize their arguments and pole so many holes it could fly away like a tattered kite. He likes stuff like that... This wasn't something I brought up, he liked bringing up what the book was arguing. And it is an argument of faith from both sides.

But the main thing - even my 12 yr old could see is that holding to those harsh beliefs of evolution, like survival of the fittest, doesn't give people that motivation to help the weakest and most vulnerable in society.

Make that thought larger, and you can see how they wouldn't put that kind of time, effort and especially their money into giving 100s, maybe thousands of underprivileged kids school supplies and backpacks.

And taxpayer money isn't the same. Taking from someone else, so you can feel good about, "giving," when you volunteer is hollow and not what happened last night.

Kids can see what's wrong so clearly sometimes ... I'm glad he can see their belief system vs ours, and how that eventually plays out in a community.

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7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

But meanwhile Teen Vogue is encouraging them to continue going braless and end up having pancake boobs (or sagging if you prefer). 

See I think it is cruel when a magazine they listen to for beauty advice encourages young women to destroy their breast tissue before they're even 25.

Well, based on my own experience, I still don't believe that going braless 'destroys' your breast tissue. It's got to have a significant hereditary component or mine would be showing some damage by now. I'm 45 and not exactly a spring chicken.

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44 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Well, based on my own experience, I still don't believe that going braless 'destroys' your breast tissue. It's got to have a significant hereditary component or mine would be showing some damage by now. I'm 45 and not exactly a spring chicken.

I'm sure you're right that it has to be at least part genetic... most things are part nature, part nurture. 

When looking online there was quite a bit out there inconsistently.

But one comment that stood out to me was a man from Africa claiming they noticed the difference **big time.**  In their opinion, and coming from a culture that doesn't wear them, it dramatically affects the breast shape overtime.  They liked how it looked a lot more when bras are worn now that they've been in a western country. He saw bras as a, "privilege." Said if you're privileged enough to own one, you should wear it. Very different perspective.

Coming from a country where they don't wear them made his opinion more interesting to me. You'd think he'd prefer his own culture, but no.

Plus maybe men will see this differently than women. I've almost always identified more with the way men tend to think, so I feel like I, "get it," why he'd feel that way about his own culture... Preferring our culture because it looks better to him, very ironic imo that it takes someone outside our culture, to point out how beneficial it really is (how blind we are to deny something pretty easy to see from an outsiders perspective).

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8 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It's not, "cruel," to point that out or try to warn others about it.... Using the words, "pancake boobs," was the only way I thought I could get across how bad it looked according to what my husband saw.

I think it's terribly cruel, actually. You'd never get away with drawing a similar comparison about the color of someone's skin, or their religion.

44 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Plus maybe men will see this differently than women. I've almost always identified more with the way men tend to think, so I feel like I, "get it," why he'd feel that way about his own culture...

Only misogynists will see the criticism of women and their bodies as not cruel, and mutilation as beautiful. I find it awfully funny and ironic that the standard of beauty that you posted is of a woman with a boob job. Misogyny is more socially acceptable in our culture than racism. So, I see how you are able to excuse yourself.

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7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Wanted to add this conversation also came up about how atheists just don't do things like this, whereas Christians do, because my oldest just finished his Jurassic Park book.  There was a ton of evolution talk in it, plenty of opportunities to criticize their arguments and pole so many holes it could fly away like a tattered kite. He likes stuff like that... This wasn't something I brought up, he liked bringing up what the book was arguing. And it is an argument of faith from both sides.

But the main thing - even my 12 yr old could see is that holding to those harsh beliefs of evolution, like survival of the fittest, doesn't give people that motivation to help the weakest and most vulnerable in society.

Make that thought larger, and you can see how they wouldn't put that kind of time, effort and especially their money into giving 100s, maybe thousands of underprivileged kids school supplies and backpacks.

And taxpayer money isn't the same. Taking from someone else, so you can feel good about, "giving," when you volunteer is hollow and not what happened last night.

Kids can see what's wrong so clearly sometimes ... I'm glad he can see their belief system vs ours, and how that eventually plays out in a community.

I'm really taken aback by this. It's just not true. 

I've been volunteering as long as I can remember. It's something my parents modelled for me and had us involved early. 

I've seen incredible generosity - and stinginess - from every group you can think of. 

I mean even down to this kind of event, it's something the community center I've volunteered at for a long time does regularly. And no, it's not taxpayer money, the center barely gets enough funding to keep lights on! It's volunteers, donating time and resources. Everything from sports fees and equipment, art classes, computer classes, free safe Halloween and free Christmas celebrations complete with gifts and meals. All because of volunteers who care and come from all sorts of backgrounds. 

I just don't get how you could encourage your kid to think so narrowly about people and good deeds and kindness? Like for example, I'm not a Sikh, but I can acknowledge how much they help people with free meals and saved countless lives with their blood drives. And there are countless groups who I don't necessarily agree with all they believe but it hurts no one to recognize when they do good deeds. 

 

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And I’m sorry Marital, but calling women who have smaller or sagging boobs pancake boobs does sound like varsity mean girl stuff. Imagine saying pizza face is okay to describe someone’s spots because “it’s descriptive”. It’s cruel in my opinion, and doesn’t come across nice, or understanding, or as any concern. It comes across teenage, and not how a grown woman would speak. It comes across as a mean slate. I think that is why you might have gotten a bit of a surge in negative response from other women.  

 

Gay men, and other women, tend to break down and critique women’s physical appearances. 


I have to wonder why you didn’t just post a picture of yourself without your head if you want a great example of what wearing a bra and working out can do? Why use an Instagram model with silicone implants? Why not just use yourself? I did, I’m not ashamed. Hell, I’d post one topless if it were allowed! Course I’m not shy, that goes for saying! 

 

Why didn’t you post one, so we can be inspired? Maybe I’ll even start ordering some underwired numbers when I see what gravity defying odds a bra creates on lift off, by example of your own self accredited, immaculate pair? 
 

I wish you the best inspiring your community and leading by example, t**s first! 
 

Salute! 

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