Growth & Gratitude Journal

[maritalbliss86]

So I was reading that old thread I started almost a year ago about my FIL pressuring us to go to counseling with my husband's brother and his wife.  It's hard to believe how much has happened in just a year's time... I mean, now, he and his dad (and mom) aren't even talking to each other anymore.  It just seemed to escalate on their part so fast with the passive-aggressiveness and then the silent treatment (and my husband being done with it all).

I had almost forgotten though, how he'd tried so hard to pressure us into that... re-reading that thread was really good.  

I thought about updating what ended up happening, but I think I'll just post it here instead of that older thread (especially since that issue is closed out)....  So BIL and SIL ended up having a baby and no one told my husband when it was born, the sex, name, or anything.  He found out accidentally that they had even had it  🤷‍♂️  This was months ago.  I think we found out in May or late April.

Then just a couple of nights ago, he found out that their baby was born premature at 35 weeks, and also had severe health issues 😞 just so awful!  No wonder why no one told us about the birth.  So it was probably born in March.  Our oldest was born premature, too, at 36 weeks.  We spent a week in NICU with him, so we know what that's like somewhat.

I feel sorry for them, and yet my husband remarked we can't really DO anything for them, they wouldn't want it.  He saw a GofundMe account set up because apparently the treatments their baby needs is exorbitant (2.5 million to 4 million).  We don't know anything about what he really has wrong, but it sounds tragic.

 

 

[maritalbliss86]

From William Penn's book, "Fruits of Solitude," (he lived from 1644-1718, was a Quaker Christian, frequently imprisoned for having different religious beliefs) - 

I love reading Old English 🙂❤️ 

"92. But in Marriage do thou be wise; prefer the Person before Money; Vertue before Beauty, the Mind before the Body: Then thou hast a Wife, a Friend, a Companion, a Second Self; one that bears an equal Share with thee in all thy Toyls and Troubles.  6

  93. Chuse one that Measures her satisfaction, Safety and Danger, by thine; and of whom thou art sure, as of thy secretest Thoughts: A Friend as well as a Wife, which indeed a Wife implies: For she is but half a Wife that is not, or is not capable of being such a Friend.  7

  94. Sexes make no Difference; since in Souls there is none: And they are the Subjects of Friendship.  8

  95. He that minds a Body and not a Soul, has not the better Part of that Relation; and will consequently want (lack) the Noblest Comfort of a Married Life.  9

  96. The Satisfaction of our Senses is low, short, and transient: But the Mind gives a more raised and extended Pleasure, and is capable of an Happiness founded upon Reason; not bounded and limited by the Circumstances that Bodies are confin’d to.  10

  97. Here it is we ought to search out our Pleasure, where the Field is large and full of Variety, and of an induring Nature: Sickness, Poverty, or Disgrace, being not able to shake it, because it is not under the moving Influences of Worldly Contingencies.  11

  98. The Satisfaction of those that do so is in well-doing, and in the Assurance they have of a future Reward: That they are best loved of those they love most, and that they enjoy and value the Liberty of their Minds above that of their Bodies; having the whole Creation for their Prospect, the most Noble and Wonderful Works and Providences of God, the Histories of the Antients, and in them the Actions and Examples of the Vertuous; and lastly, themselves, their Affairs and Family, to exercise their Minds and Friendship upon.  12

  99. Nothing can be more entire and without Reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented and constant than such a Couple; nor no greater temporal Felicity than to be one of them.  13 (this I feel is us!)

  100. Between a Man and his Wife nothing ought to rule but Love. Authority is for Children and Servants; yet not without Sweetness.  14

  101. As Love ought to bring them together, so it is the best Way to keep them well together.  15

  102. Wherefore use her not as a Servant, whom thou would’st, perhaps, have serv’d Seven Years to have obtained.  16

  103. An Husband and Wife that love and value one another, shew their Children and Servants, That they should do so too. Others visibly lose their Authority in their Families by their Contempt of one another; and teach their Children to be unnatural by their own Example."

Wise advise from a few hundred years ago 😉 

[Jibralta]

The Quakers were very interesting. I researched them a bit during one of my bouts of genealogy research (I get the bug every once in a while). I have some ancestors who were Quakers here in the east, circa 1700. They kept very good records....hmmm makes me want to do more research. I love history, but tracing ancestors gives it a context that is so illuminating.

[Seraphim]

10 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

So I was reading that old thread I started almost a year ago about my FIL pressuring us to go to counseling with my husband's brother and his wife.  It's hard to believe how much has happened in just a year's time... I mean, now, he and his dad (and mom) aren't even talking to each other anymore.  It just seemed to escalate on their part so fast with the passive-aggressiveness and then the silent treatment (and my husband being done with it all).

I had almost forgotten though, how he'd tried so hard to pressure us into that... re-reading that thread was really good.  

I thought about updating what ended up happening, but I think I'll just post it here instead of that older thread (especially since that issue is closed out)....  So BIL and SIL ended up having a baby and no one told my husband when it was born, the sex, name, or anything.  He found out accidentally that they had even had it  🤷‍♂️  This was months ago.  I think we found out in May or late April.

Then just a couple of nights ago, he found out that their baby was born premature at 35 weeks, and also had severe health issues 😞 just so awful!  No wonder why no one told us about the birth.  So it was probably born in March.  Our oldest was born premature, too, at 36 weeks.  We spent a week in NICU with him, so we know what that's like somewhat.

I feel sorry for them, and yet my husband remarked we can't really DO anything for them, they wouldn't want it.  He saw a GofundMe account set up because apparently the treatments their baby needs is exorbitant (2.5 million to 4 million).  We don't know anything about what he really has wrong, but it sounds tragic.

 

 

I am so sorry about your nephew. 😓I will pray . My cousin was born at 30 weeks more than 3 decades ago. He had Down’s Syndrome and 4 holes in his heart. 

[maritalbliss86]

On 8/6/2021 at 4:19 PM, Jibralta said:

I love history, but tracing ancestors gives it a context that is so illuminating.

Yes, it makes me feel a strange longing for them... wishing I could have known them or something... just a very strange kind of connection once you find out who your ancestors were, and what they were like, etc.  My mom has done a lot of work to figure out both her side and my dad's side and it's just insane.

But like you said on Dias' page, you have to cross-reference a lot to make sure.  She's found SO much though, and I think she's used, "find a grave," many times to make sure the dates were correct (sometimes ancestry has the dates wrong), and she's even found old immigrant passage lists on ships that showed our relatives names, where they left from, where they arrived, all the kids that were on board with them.  Just incredible how much you can find, but it's VERY hard... it's taken her I think over 10 years to find out all she has, and even then it feels like only scratching the surface!

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I think she's used, "find a grave," many times to make sure the dates were correct (sometimes ancestry has the dates wrong), and she's even found old immigrant passage lists on ships that showed our relatives names, where they left from, where they arrived, all the kids that were on board with them.

Yup, I've used find a grave, too. You never know where you're going to find information. Similar with new sources: they pop up very unexpectedly. 

Misinformation is a challenge to manage. It spreads rapidly, so you have to be very careful. But I guess that's the case in most things lol.... Lots of people are just full of sht 😂. 

I don't bother with the passenger lists for my bio-family, because there's well over two centuries of information in America to research. If I get through that, I'll start digging into Europe. 

Passenger lists have been moderately helpful with my adoptive family. But I don't really research them that much because I know them lol.

If all goes according to plan, I'll be meeting my biological half-sister this Saturday. She will be the first biological relative I've ever met.

[Jibralta]

Hey! Hope all is well over there.

[maritalbliss86]

On 10/31/2021 at 5:23 PM, Jibralta said:

Hey! Hope all is well over there.

I just saw this right now!!  

Doing well 🙂 just getting back into reading ENA 

[maritalbliss86]

I love this.  Not sure I agree with the Myers Briggs personality test, but it seems mostly correct 👍

[maritalbliss86]

I think I found Lo's, too LOL  (Mylolita)

[maritalbliss86]

Love that Thanksgiving is this week!  Everything is already prepped to go, so excited 😁 ... I love holidays!!!

I was thinking about this gratitude journal... we have so much to be thankful for here, even with so many problems and horrific things going on right now.  

Homeschooling has been amazing this year, especially considering the rough start!  Our oldest is getting more and more comfortable with building and manipulating things I don't understand (LOL crap!), he's even referring to himself as an engineer 😮 😬 we'll see what his future holds... he still loves space and keeps up with Elon Musk's ventures - that man never stops!

And on that... um... he's angering the elite.  I'm sure he knows that, but it's dangerous.  Eventually he's going to have to decide if he'll cater, or hold to his ideals.

 

[Seraphim]

Have a great Thanksgiving! Ours was in October. 

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

And on that... um... he's angering the elite.  I'm sure he knows that, but it's dangerous.  Eventually he's going to have to decide if he'll cater, or hold to his ideals.

Hmmm. That makes me respect him a little more lol.

[dias]

4 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

he's angering the elite.

What does that mean? 

 

It's good if he wants to be an engineer. Maybe not the best return on investment if you are not born to become an engineer but it seems he has a natural inclination towards engineering. It can be an interesting occupation if you also have a passion for business ventures. Things change fast and therefore more opportunities arise for business than any other occupation (but also much more difficult to succeed than any other occupation).

[mylolita]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:18 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

I think I found Lo's, too LOL  (Mylolita)

Ohhh right colour for the tresses as well HA! “Stubborn to a fault” this is d**n true I can’t deny! Oh Lord, this is sounding right! Pig headed is how I would’ve said it but stubborn will do 😘

 

I will have to take the test 😉 I hope it is a rare and special personality, obviously… LOL! 

 

What did you think about your result Marital? Did you think it was accurate? I quickly glanced at some of the qualities it seems very much like how I imagine you ☺️
 

Lo x

[mylolita]

On 8/6/2021 at 7:54 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

From William Penn's book, "Fruits of Solitude," (he lived from 1644-1718, was a Quaker Christian, frequently imprisoned for having different religious beliefs) - 

I love reading Old English 🙂❤️ 

"92. But in Marriage do thou be wise; prefer the Person before Money; Vertue before Beauty, the Mind before the Body: Then thou hast a Wife, a Friend, a Companion, a Second Self; one that bears an equal Share with thee in all thy Toyls and Troubles.  6

  93. Chuse one that Measures her satisfaction, Safety and Danger, by thine; and of whom thou art sure, as of thy secretest Thoughts: A Friend as well as a Wife, which indeed a Wife implies: For she is but half a Wife that is not, or is not capable of being such a Friend.  7

  94. Sexes make no Difference; since in Souls there is none: And they are the Subjects of Friendship.  8

  95. He that minds a Body and not a Soul, has not the better Part of that Relation; and will consequently want (lack) the Noblest Comfort of a Married Life.  9

  96. The Satisfaction of our Senses is low, short, and transient: But the Mind gives a more raised and extended Pleasure, and is capable of an Happiness founded upon Reason; not bounded and limited by the Circumstances that Bodies are confin’d to.  10

  97. Here it is we ought to search out our Pleasure, where the Field is large and full of Variety, and of an induring Nature: Sickness, Poverty, or Disgrace, being not able to shake it, because it is not under the moving Influences of Worldly Contingencies.  11

  98. The Satisfaction of those that do so is in well-doing, and in the Assurance they have of a future Reward: That they are best loved of those they love most, and that they enjoy and value the Liberty of their Minds above that of their Bodies; having the whole Creation for their Prospect, the most Noble and Wonderful Works and Providences of God, the Histories of the Antients, and in them the Actions and Examples of the Vertuous; and lastly, themselves, their Affairs and Family, to exercise their Minds and Friendship upon.  12

  99. Nothing can be more entire and without Reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented and constant than such a Couple; nor no greater temporal Felicity than to be one of them.  13 (this I feel is us!)

  100. Between a Man and his Wife nothing ought to rule but Love. Authority is for Children and Servants; yet not without Sweetness.  14

  101. As Love ought to bring them together, so it is the best Way to keep them well together.  15

  102. Wherefore use her not as a Servant, whom thou would’st, perhaps, have serv’d Seven Years to have obtained.  16

  103. An Husband and Wife that love and value one another, shew their Children and Servants, That they should do so too. Others visibly lose their Authority in their Families by their Contempt of one another; and teach their Children to be unnatural by their own Example."

Wise advise from a few hundred years ago 😉 

We have moved to a town founded by a Quaker! They were and are a pretty awesome branch of Christianity! Don’t hold much against them at all, very peaceful 😘

 

This is coming from your friend, the big fat atheist 😉   
 

I heard a Quaker wedding is very sweet x

[maritalbliss86]

On 11/25/2021 at 6:27 PM, mylolita said:

We have moved to a town founded by a Quaker! They were and are a pretty awesome branch of Christianity! Don’t hold much against them at all, very peaceful 😘

 

This is coming from your friend, the big fat atheist 😉   
 

I heard a Quaker wedding is very sweet x

Aw that is sweet!  We have at least one Quaker in our ancestors (that my mom found when searching)... and we just went over them a few weeks ago for a history class with the kids 🙂.  Such interesting people....

Your town sounds so nice, and I'm so happy for you ❤️!

[maritalbliss86]

On 11/25/2021 at 5:24 PM, mylolita said:

Ohhh right colour for the tresses as well HA! “Stubborn to a fault” this is d**n true I can’t deny! Oh Lord, this is sounding right! Pig headed is how I would’ve said it but stubborn will do 😘

 

I will have to take the test 😉 I hope it is a rare and special personality, obviously… LOL! 

 

What did you think about your result Marital? Did you think it was accurate? I quickly glanced at some of the qualities it seems very much like how I imagine you ☺️
 

Lo x

Yes, for something so childish (LOL) it was actually pretty accurate!  But thank God I've matured in many ways.  I used to be even worse 😞 

[maritalbliss86]

On 11/23/2021 at 11:34 AM, dias said:

What does that mean? 

 

Had to think before answering you....  In general, he's not really accepted (yet), and I'm not sure he ever will be, into the elitist circle.  There are a lot of reasons for that or behind that, but the main one is probably because he's an independent thinker that can't be controlled very well (plus he uses Twitter like Trump... which has it's benefits, but is also very unpredictable/uncontrollable).  If he ever changes that, I think they'd welcome him in, but he doesn't seem to be able to.  And I'm not sure it's necessarily idealism that he holds so strongly to (I just don't know only those closest to him would) or if it's because of a personality issue he has.

I admire him a lot, don't get me wrong!  I think he's a genius and amazing, but everyone has blind spots and he's said things before that lead me to think he himself doesn't quite understand *why* they don't accept him (ie- do passive aggressive things like purposefully leave him out of something he logically should have been included in).  But of course, I could be wrong 🤷‍♂️

[dias]

By elitist circle you mean high "achievers" (good students or cool kids or kids with good athletic abilities etc etc) at this point in his life? Sorry I am confused.

6 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

the main one is probably because he's an independent thinker that can't be controlled very well

That's very positive, no need to follow the herd. If he was docile it would be much more concerning. I do understand your concern as a mother if let's say he is not part of a group but it's not necessarily a bad thing. 

 

6 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

plus he uses Twitter like Trump... which has it's benefits, but is also very unpredictable/uncontrollable

Meaning he posts what he really thinks? This is good and bad depending on the situation. This is when self-discipline and diplomacy come into the mix, however, these are skills most people are only able to cultivate as adults (25+ and if), I wouldn't worry in your shoes.

6 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I admire him a lot, don't get me wrong!  I think he's a genius and amazing, but everyone has blind spots and he's said things before that lead me to think he himself doesn't quite understand *why* they don't accept him (ie- do passive aggressive things like purposefully leave him out of something he logically should have been included in).  But of course, I could be wrong 🤷‍♂️

It seems he has potential, with the right guidance (which I am certain you provide) he will do fine in life. 

[maritalbliss86]

OMG Dias!!!!!  LOL

[maritalbliss86]

Your reply was epic!!!!  

I guess I just can't figure him out.  On one hand you'd think he wouldn't care about things like this, but I think he actually does somewhat care (public opinion or elitist opinion, he even cares more about his employees than most people would in his situation.  I mean, this guy is fascinating). 

Maybe you don't know about this(?) but there was a huge event where *all* the electric car companies were invited to discuss the future of electric cars... except for his.  He makes 74% of electric cars (correction: in US), the elites behind the scenes wanted him forced out of this.  It wasn't just about unions, which they conveniently blamed it on.  It's because they can't control him and he's too unpredictable.

 

[dias]

6 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Your reply was epic!!!!  

I guess I just can't figure him out.  On one hand you'd think he wouldn't care about things like this, but I think he actually does somewhat care (public opinion or elitist opinion, he even cares more about his employees than most people would in his situation.  I mean, this guy is fascinating). 

Maybe you don't know about this(?) but there was a huge event where *all* the electric car companies were invited to discuss the future of electric cars... except for his.  He makes 74% of electric cars globally, the elites behind the scenes wanted him forced out of this.  It wasn't just about unions, which they conveniently blamed it on.  It's because they can't control him and he's too unpredictable.

 

Lol I misunderstood 🙂

[maritalbliss86]

https://www.businessinsider.com/tesla-wasnt-invited-to-white-house-electric-cars-summit-2021-8

[maritalbliss86]

1 minute ago, dias said:

Lol I misunderstood 🙂

I thought your reply was pure sarcasm.  Was a beautiful response 🤣