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I have friends but no one to hang out with

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Posted (edited)

It's a regular friday night and I feel like venting so here we go!

At school I'm quite sociable. I talk to many people and have a large amount of friends. Even to my acquaintances I'll wave and talk to them if they're lonely and will always include them in conversations but no one seems to do the same for me. When the teacher says to partner up, no one comes up to me first and I end up being picked if there's no one else left. When I had recess back in elementary school I'd always walk around so people could think I wasn't lonely. I only got asked to play with people a handful of times. I never got asked to have a playdate with my other classmates and the last time I got invited to a birthday party was 4 years ago. Not to mention that my last birthday party was in second grade and I don't know who to invite because I'm not sure anyone will show up.

I always wear a bright smile on my face and am constantly giggling only so people don't become suspicious. I see my friends posting photos of each other hanging out, talking about how fun they had. I'm not desperate to hang out, but it'd be nice to get a invitation once in a while. One instance of this is when all my friends gathered at a park a block away from house but didn't invite me-they know I live right by the park, but still I was left out. 

Another thing is that people rarely text me. They only text me for "streaks" or homework help. When I do text people they'll leave me on delivered for hours. I try to make conversation and will always let people talk about their interests to me. I have friends, I know I do. But realising how I've never hung out with someone outside of school makes me contemplate that. Even my whole family has a running joke that I have no friends. 

I'm not quite sure what to think, any help or if you have a similar experience and have tips on what to do would mean a lot to me.

Edited by suha.a
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Maybe you should try & actually focus on something 'real'.

To have some 'friends' message you for homework help, sadly, doesn't sound like they are your true friends 😕 .

Not sure your age? Sounds like close to high school soon?

And you don't know why you don't have any 'true friends'?  One's you can just hang with, confide in?

This is where I say to try & focus on something 'real'.... Is there not someone you know who is real with you?  Someone that sticks out - that maybe YOU can approach and just say 'Hey, I am going for a bike ride over to the park today, want to come?'.

I don't know if you like sports? skateboard? ... gaming?

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Posted (edited)

Oh, my heart. Very brave of you to write about this so honestly.

You sound as though you might be a 'Swan' surrounded by ducklings.

And that's tough when you are young. You are different, and not in a bad way, but probably more mature than your classmates--and that can rule you out as being in the 'adult' camp.

What's your age, and are you in grade school, high school or college?

You might need to target older people for friendships, and this can really help you to build confidence and aid you in embracing your true self rather than pretzeling yourself to try to blend in with 'kids' who haven't yet grown into a maturity that recognizes yours as relatable.

It won't always be like this, but it sure can do something to your head until you find a friend more aligned with you. Older people can sense this and help to mentor you socially. Look into interests, classes and clubs that include adults. Learn from them about how to socialize in ways that don't depend on being included in groups of superficial or immature people. 

Also, stay on the lookout for fellow students who appear lonely, and get to know them to learn whether you might be good friend material for one another. Don't always shoot for people who already have friends--they may not be as receptive to new friends outside of their existing social circle. Seek out loners, as they may be more interested in a one-on-one a friendship.


Edited by catfeeder
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Stop the nervous giggling.  Possess poise instead and make it a habit.  Giggling sounds like you're immature and goofy and most people are irritated.

Try volunteering in your community.  You'll meet friends this way and more high quality, empathetic types. 

I agree with others regarding clubs, organizations and causes. 

Or, church and ministry groups if you're faith based. 

I was never popular growing up.  I only had a few neighborhood friends and kids I sat at lunch with. 

I didn't blossom until I was an adult in my early 20s.  I never had a boyfriend until I met my husband.  We have two great sons now, a rose garden and white picket fence in the suburbs.  I have a very established, settled, stable, solid life. 

I concentrated on using my brain power, ascending in my career and by that time, I had no problem attracting men whatsoever.  I was very busy with my financial independence which was an automatic draw.  I felt like Cinderella at the ball.  Suddenly, a whole new world opened up to me and guess what?  Other men were doing the same as I was.  We were all on the fast track getting ahead in life. 

Change your trajectory and control your future.  If I can do it, you can, too. 

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Ask your parents to get you involved in things. 

Sports, groups, clubs, organizations, summer courses, advanced courses, camp, a summer job, etc.

Being this bored and withdrawn could also be a situation a psychologist could address.

Talk to your parents about loneliness, boredom and overuse of phone/social media.

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On 5/29/2021 at 10:21 AM, melancholy123 said:

You say you are "constantly giggling."  That can be really annoying so maybe dont do that so much.  

How about join a club,  a group, take up a sport you like?  That's a good way to make friends.

Agree with all of this.

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