Am I being scammed?...

[Gringo79]

I have been chatting with a girl from South America for over a month. We’ve exchanged photos, a video chat, tells me many details about her personal life such as work, what she is doing with her kids, etc. She asks how I am doing, and many times is first to say "Good Morning". We are also Facebook friends and I see that she is very open about her faith in God. I can legitimately say she is who she says she is. She has a decent job in sales/customer service. She wants me to come visit her, which eventually I'm willing to do, but I told her I want to learn more Spanish first. The part throwing me off is for about the past week she’s saying that she loves me very much, she's very affectionate, and I'm feeding into it. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, “we haven't even met yet” although we have shared photos, video, recipes (lol), and our beliefs. She is 32 years old and incredibly beautiful, where as if I were to rate myself I would honestly put myself at a 5.5 (maybe 6) out of 10…I probably have lower self-assessment than in reality, many people do, but I am 10 years older than her. I also have a tendency to be cynical towards others, but given the situation, I would say (partially) rightly so. The other thing is she asks me questions about myself, but not to the extend I would think someone who is genuinely interested would be asking. I would say 50% of our conversations are simply expressing emotional feelings back and forth.  She has never asked for anything other than she hopes I will come to see her. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.   

[LaHermes]

4 minutes ago, Gringo79 said:

The part throwing me off is for about the past week she’s saying that she loves me very much, she's very affectionate,

What is your instinct saying, Gringo?  You ask: Am I being scammed?

A month is a very short time.

Could I enquire if there is some reason why you are not dating locally, or within your territory anyhow.

[Lambert]

4 minutes ago, Gringo79 said:

I can legitimately say she is who she says she is.

You really can't legitimately say this.  You have no idea who is actually posting, talking, texting. It could be more than one person.  

Why are you even entertaining this? 

The emotional talk? 

Yeah that's weird, too.

Try to find a local woman. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Gringo79 said:

I have been chatting with a girl from South America for over a month. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, “we haven't even met yet” 

Think of her as a penpal for now.

[Tinydance]

So how far away do you live from her country? What is the purpose of speaking to a woman in another country? I'm just genuinely wondering...

[Gringo79]

...

[Gringo79]

8 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

What is your instinct saying, Gringo?  You ask: Am I being scammed?

A month is a very short time.

Could I enquire if there is some reason why you are not dating locally, or within your territory anyhow.

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Posted just now

I'm gut instinct is 50/50 but I've been wrong on my instincts a number of times, better or worse. 

I live in a relatively small town and there's really no one I'm interested here so I've reached out to online dating a number of times. I've gone on some dates but none thrilled me. I've also always had a thing for Hispanic women and culture. I believe, for the most part, latinas are more passionate and do not care as much about materialistic things, they love deeply and family is their number one priority. I don't mean to stereotype or that all latinas are this way, but statistically it seems to be more than plausible.

[Tinydance]

Just now, Gringo79 said:

I'm gut instinct is 50/50 but I've been wrong on my instincts a number of times, better or worse. 

I live in a relatively small town and there's really no one I'm interested here so I've reached out to online dating a number of times. I've gone on some dates but none thrilled me. I've also always had a thing for Hispanic women and culture. I believe, for the most part, latinas are more passionate and do not care as much about materialistic things, they love deeply and family is their number one priority. I don't mean to stereotype or that all latinas are this way, but statistically it seems to be more than plausible.  

I think if you want to date a woman in South America you need to have an actual plan though. Does she want to move to your small town? Or do you want to move to her? You said yourself that you don't actually speak Spanish. I understand you're enjoying online attention from a beautiful woman but can this relationship actually happen in reality? She has kids and all their family and friends are in her country. So is she willing to move? Otherwise you have to move to her country. If neither of you wants to move then it won't actually work.

[Gringo79]

8 minutes ago, Lambert said:

You really can't legitimately say this.  You have no idea who is actually posting, talking, texting. It could be more than one person.  

Why are you even entertaining this? 

The emotional talk? 

Yeah that's weird, too.

Try to find a local woman. 

I've had a video call with her so I can definitely tell it is her.

I have a genuine interest in meeting her and possibly moving to her country if she is legit. 

[Tinydance]

Just now, Gringo79 said:

I've had a video call with her so I can definitely tell it is her.

I have a genuine interest in meeting her and possibly moving to her country if she is legit. 

Well if she's not asking for money or any gifts then possibly she's not scamming you. Are you in the US? If she's from a poor country she may want US citizenship. But if she hadn't said anything about anything apart from asking you to visit her then obviously you don't have any information about her actual motives. I will be honest though, it seems suspicious that a beautiful woman can't find a man in her own country. That part does sound dodgy. 

[Gringo79]

3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

So how far away do you live from her country? What is the purpose of speaking to a woman in another country? I'm just genuinely wondering...

She's on the equator, I'm in the midwest US. LOL

I'd love to be with a Latina...they just strike me as being the kind of woman for me. Likewise, I would never say any other woman of any other ethnicity would not be of interest to me.

I wish she wasn't so far away, but it is what it is.

[Tinydance]

Just now, Gringo79 said:

She's on the equator, I'm in the midwest US. LOL

I'd love to be with a Latina...they just strike me as being the kind of woman for me. Likewise, I would never say any other woman of any other ethnicity would not be of interest to me.

I wish she wasn't so far away, but it is what it is.

Why does she want a guy in another country?

[Gringo79]

5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think if you want to date a woman in South America you need to have an actual plan though. Does she want to move to your small town? Or do you want to move to her? You said yourself that you don't actually speak Spanish. I understand you're enjoying online attention from a beautiful woman but can this relationship actually happen in reality? She has kids and all their family and friends are in her country. So is she willing to move? Otherwise you have to move to her country. If neither of you wants to move then it won't actually work.

I can't disagree with you there. I asked her if she wants to move to the US and she didn't seem that interested even though her brother lives in PA. She currently lives with her mom, which I hear in many Latin countries living with immediate relatives is very common. I'm at a point in my life where I would consider moving to her country if I could find work and I enjoyed being there with her.

[boltnrun]

If you're in the middle US, gee, there are lots of Latina women here! Look around! Chicago, for example, has a large Latino population.

Or do you want a more "traditional" woman, one who allows the man to take the lead and defers to him in all ways? Because at least in my Latin family the women are strong and certainly are not submissive or demure.

[Gringo79]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Why does she want a guy in another country?

Also good point. I'm told that many men in latin america are too masculine, cheat often, and don't work. Likelwise, I've read that Latin women like American men because they are more passionate. I realize all this is stereotypical but this is what I'm researching...   

[Gringo79]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If you're in the middle US, gee, there are lots of Latina women here! Look around! Chicago, for example, has a large Latino population.

Or do you want a more "traditional" woman, one who allows the man to take the lead and defers to him in all ways? Because at least in my Latin family the women are strong and certainly are not submissive or demure.

No, I see women as 100% equal

[itsallgrand]

I mean, if you are willing to consider moving countries for a woman, why not pack up and move to a city in the U.S. with a bustling Hispanic community? You'd have the opportunity to meet all kinds of women and to date more organically. 

 

[SooSad33]

11 minutes ago, Gringo79 said:

I have a genuine interest in meeting her and possibly moving to her country if she is legit. 

I say, No.  (ever watch 90 day fience?).  Majority end up in horrible situations! 😕 .

Fine, if you fancy latino etc- but why don't you search for someone much closer, in your own vicinity/ state?  They do exist, goto dating sites there.

Believe me.. she does not 'love' you, by simply chatting... and within one month of it!

I tried long distance.. we did end up meeting, was NOT how I imagined at all 😕 .. None of it's  'real'.

I highly suggest you don't go down this road.

[Kwothe28]

I think you should enlist on "90 Days Fiance". They have loads of couples like that lol. Jokes aside, scammed? Nah, she would probably ask you for at least something. However, I mentioned "90 Days...." for a reason because whole premise is that American men(or women) seek fiance online from other countries. Women usually go for Africans(dunno why 😄) while men go either Asian or Latinas. Usually Brasil. Some are genuine, but most are green card chasers. So you should be worry of that. I am a sucker for romance so I would at least try. You mentioned she has a decent job so maybe she doesnt after fortune or even green card. Enlist on "90 Days Fiance", at least you will know they wont take your kidneys there with the film crew with you. 😄 Sorry, joking a bit.

[Tinydance]

3 minutes ago, Gringo79 said:

Also good point. I'm told that many men in latin america are too masculine, cheat often, and don't work. Likelwise, I've read that Latin women like American men because they are more passionate. I realize all this is stereotypical but this is what I'm researching...   

I'm in Australia so we don't have that many Latino people here. But are you sure you're not just stereotyping? Researching about a particular partner you want just seems a bit odd to me....

I guess in the past I've read articles online about "how to find your soulmate" and things along those lines, but I've never read articles like "How to date a British guy" lol

I understand some countries have a distinct culture but still not everyone just fits the same mould. It sounds to me a bit like you just have this Latina woman "fetish". I don't mean sexual sorry but you have the thing for Latina women so you researched them and are going to travel to this woman's country basically based on the fact she's Latina. To me it just seems like a successful relationship is one that happens naturally and not just based on having a thing for a certain nationality. Like, just getting out and about and meeting women and starting to get a connection as you get to know them.

[Gringo79]

1 minute ago, itsallgrand said:

I mean, if you are willing to consider moving countries for a woman, why not pack up and move to a city in the U.S. with a bustling Hispanic community? You'd have the opportunity to meet all kinds of women and to date more organically. 

 

HAHA good point and also in consideration...I virtually had my bags packed to move south to FL, then Covid hit and killed the industry I'm working in, it's rebounding but stalled. So while the world was on lockdown I go onto a Latin Only dating website thinking I would potentially find someone to meet and likely they might want to move to the US. Likewise, I've always wanted to travel to latin countries so it seemed like it could be an opportunity. Well, I can't help that I developed feelings for this girl after talking with her for a month to find out she may not want to move to the US. Which might be fine, South America is getting better and more developed, and if I could find stable work in one of those countries and learn to speak the language, I would have no trouble relocating.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

I think you should enlist on "90 Days Fiance". They have loads of couples like that lol. Jokes aside, scammed? Nah, she would probably ask you for at least something. However, I mentioned "90 Days...." for a reason because whole premise is that American men(or women) seek fiance online from other countries. Women usually go for Africans(dunno why 😄) while men go either Asian or Latinas. Usually Brasil. Some are genuine, but most are green card chasers. So you should be worry of that. I am a sucker for romance so I would at least try. You mentioned she has a decent job so maybe she doesnt after fortune or even green card. Enlist on "90 Days Fiance", at least you will know they wont take your kidneys there with the film crew with you. 😄 Sorry, joking a bit.

I think African guys are hot and I'm an unmarried 36-year-old woman with no kids. But I don't want a mail order husband lol

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Gringo79 said:

HAHA good point and also in consideration...I virtually had my bags packed to move south to FL, then Covid hit and killed the industry I'm working in, it's rebounding but stalled. So while the world was on lockdown I go onto a Latin Only dating website thinking I would potentially find someone to meet and likely they might want to move to the US. Likewise, I've always wanted to travel to latin countries so it seemed like it could be an opportunity. Well, I can't help that I developed feelings for this girl after talking with her for a month to find out she may not want to move to the US. Which might be fine, South America is getting better and more developed, and if I could find stable work in one of those countries and learn to speak the language, I would have no trouble relocating.

I'm sorry but do you honestly have real feelings for this woman after talking virtually only for one month? Finding her attractive is not the same as actual deep feelings. I think you're kind of living in fantasy land. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

[Batya33]

You can help your reaction to your feelings.  You control how you react.  You can’t control your feelings.  I’d stick to penpal and sharing recipes.  That way you’ll learn a bit more Spanish. Or try Rosetta Stone. I hear it’s good mi amigo.  I don’t think she’s scamming you and I think the chances that she’s being honest with you and about her intentions are remote at best.  Have you run a background check on her?

[boltnrun]

Yeah, you can't have "feelings" for a picture on a screen and a voice over an electronic device. Or words on a screen. You are excited because you think you have found someone but your feelings are that excitement,  not actual feelings for the woman herself. You don't know her, period.

Now, how to go about actually getting to know her? Well, you could choose to relocate there. Make sure you have your own job, your own accommodations, and make sure you know enough of the language to survive. Then date her. She may be the woman of your dreams or she may not be, but if she's not at least you would be well set up to live there anyway. And you could meet other women too.