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Girlfriend distant after fight and makeup - need advice


NickCH12

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Hi all,

 

Hoping to get some advice on where to go from here, since right now I'm at a standstill. A little bit of backstory - my (33M) gf (30F) have been dating for a bout 2.5 years. It's been a little bit difficult with COVID, and we haven't seen each other in awhile. Without going into too much detail, she has been in a healthcare facility for COVID for about 9 months, but her recovery is going really well. For the first few months she was in the facility, we talked pretty frequently and really didnt miss a beat. We talked about what we would do when she's fully recovered, kids, marriage, the whole 9.

The problem - For the past few months we have been talking less and less and ive been really out of the loop. I told her before that Im not going anywhere, and ill be here for as long as it takes, however the only thing i need is to be kept in the loop. I dont need to talk everyday or anything, i just need to know what is going on with her recovery and health. When you dont hear from someone for 5 days and they are in the hospital, obviously one would get worried.

It all came to a head two weeks ago when i tried to be pretty vulnerable and tell her that im frustrated. Not at her, but the situation, and its been really hard on me. Im super worried when we dont talk for a week and something might be wrong. She responded with that she is in fact frustrated as well, and all her free time goes towards me, and she is upset that i brought it up. I asked her genuinely if I should back off for a bit, and if she wanted to focus on other things more. From there she became extremely upset, and we didnt talk for about two weeks

Last Friday, we had a good heart to heart. I told her that i understood how i didnt recognize how much stress shes under and it was unfair for me to assume she wanted me to back off. She apologized for not keeping me in the loop, and although she was still mad, we seemed good.

However, last night i called her, she didn't answer, and then texted me "What?" I told her i just wanted to chat so called her again - she responded with "Stop Calling me." I was so incredibly floored - i thought we were in a good place, and now im getting the cold shoulder. I just asked her what is going on, cause youre acting like youre over it and if thats the case i need to know. no response. I basically said ok, well im here to talk. no response.

Basically i just need to know what to do. Something liek this has happened before, where she gets so upset over something and takes it way out of line, and it usually comes in times of stress. I just dont know where to go from here and what to say. Any advice is appreciated!

 

 

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It sounds like you've made long term plans together but she's not treating you with enough respect or kindness in a relationship. 

I was married and divorced and we never talked that way to each other "What?" or "Stop calling me." Give her a large berth, don't approach her or call or text her. Let her text or call you when she's ready. It sounds like you're in the dark about what's going on with her treatment. Could medications also be affecting the way she reacts? 

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12 minutes ago, NickCH12 said:

she has been in a healthcare facility for COVID for about 9 months.She responded with that she is in fact frustrated as well, and all her free time goes towards me, and she is upset that i brought it up.

Sorry this is happening. Are you on speaking terms with her family?  They (as next of kin) can update you on her condition.

 With respect, don't you think that your complaining vis-a-vis her hanging on for life is a bit needy?

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Complaining to someone who is hospitalized that you are frustrated with the situation isn't vulnerable, OP. It comes across as incredibly selfish and tone deaf. Like what can she do? Magically get better so you can be happy?

I'm not minimizing that it is a frustrating situation for you and scary too, but you are healthy and have friends and fam you can talk to and seek support from. She can't provide that to you from a hospital bed. Can you even wrap your head around her frustrations and fears? Yet here you are basically pulling at her sleeve asking her to make you feel good and pay attention to you. She is sick and medicated and who knows what all else she is dealing with.

So yes, it might be a good idea to talk to her fam sometimes rather than demand info from her. Also, she can authorize her doctors/nurses to talk to you and update you on how she is doing. That's another option.

It's great that she is recovering, but 9 months in a healthcare facility....I'm not sure you are fully grasping what she is going through.

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