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22 hours ago, Beth75 said:

I have talked to him about it all, he’s very stubborn and I don’t think he will change

No he won't. Obviously this relationship has run it's course, and he cares not to keep up his appearance/hygiene for it.

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The comment about hair color was a "Neg".  It is used as a psychological way of controlling someones self image.  He says that and you feel less attractive to him and then he does or says something nice for you.  He puts you down so you feel like you aren't good enough for him and then he lifts you up to make you feel special.

  In this way he has you on the ropes so to speak where you cannot get your legs under you and be strong.  Then he can do what he wants with little to no fear of you standing up for yourself or dumping him.

  Look back at the relationship.  Do you see a healthy one or manipulation? 

Lost

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All of this man's behaviours are disturbing and alarming. You're not overreacting or "moany". He is showing you rather how much he is not interested in being with you long term. You would be misinterpreting his behaviours if you're thinking that he's into you or that he respects you. He doesn't.

It doesn't sound like he respects others either if that's how he regards public spaces and picking up after pets.

 

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I’ve made a decision to leave him, I can’t put up with his ways any longer, I needed to make sure it was him and not me, I’ve realised thanks to everyone it’s definitely him and I never looked at it as he’s manipulating me that shocked me to think he’s doing that. 

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Another thing he did which used to wind me up is I would make him something to eat always homemade, but he used to say he couldn’t get to mine till quite late so I would be hanging around hungry waiting for him, his reason was he finished work he had to go on Facebook with a coffee then walk his dog and shower then come mine thing is I don’t like eating to late I told him this but he said there was nothing he could do about it, I must quote the dog is very spoilt does what it wants he even has to stand and watch it eat otherwise it won’t before he comes to mine. Is he still been unreasonable? 

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2 hours ago, Beth75 said:

Another thing he did which used to wind me up is I would make him something to eat always homemade, but he used to say he couldn’t get to mine till quite late so I would be hanging around hungry waiting for him, his reason was he finished work he had to go on Facebook with a coffee then walk his dog and shower then come mine thing is I don’t like eating to late I told him this but he said there was nothing he could do about it, I must quote the dog is very spoilt does what it wants he even has to stand and watch it eat otherwise it won’t before he comes to mine. Is he still been unreasonable? 

You teach people how to treat you. If you know he's like this and delays or wastes your time, don't have him over at all. There is no reason why you should be having someone over who repeatedly shows you how little he thinks of you. 

What his dogs needs are are besides the point. This is just a very disrespectful, small-minded man. Continuing to accept that treatment of you is accepting more abuse and disregard with regards to your time and your life. 

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There's no need to detail every little thing he did that was disrespectful or unacceptable and ask if we agree it was bad.

Do you have difficulty making decisions? Do you always need to ask someone before you do anything?  Do you constantly seek approval from others?

Look into codependency. You seem to place an inordinate amount of importance on what others think. 

What you think and feel and believe is valid. You don't have to have anyone tell you it's ok.

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7 hours ago, Beth75 said:

I’ve made a decision to leave him, I can’t put up with his ways any longer

Good for you Beth. What he said and did now is not really the point. He sounds appalling!

Just move on now, onwards and upwards, with your plans for a better life. 

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3 hours ago, Beth75 said:

Another thing he did which used to wind me up is I would make him something to eat always homemade, but he used to say he couldn’t get to mine till quite late so I would be hanging around hungry waiting for him, his reason was he finished work he had to go on Facebook with a coffee then walk his dog and shower then come mine thing is I don’t like eating to late I told him this but he said there was nothing he could do about it, I must quote the dog is very spoilt does what it wants he even has to stand and watch it eat otherwise it won’t before he comes to mine. Is he still been unreasonable? 

Just more passive aggressive behavior and manipulative games. He is basically getting off on a power trip over you by making you wait....sadly you did play into that. Don't ever do that again with anyone.

If they don't have the decency to respect your time and show up on time or within reason, then cancel the plans with them and go about your life. If you are hungry, eat. Never ever waste your time waiting around on someone who is being intentionally rude and disrespectful to you.

This has nothing to do with his dog. Lots of people have spoiled pets, but it doesn't stop them from planning their time around that and respecting others by showing up on time.

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2 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

What's so great about this guy that you have wasted so much time on him?  Dont tell me you love him, what's to love?  He's an inconsiderate slob.

He used to call me beautiful and stare at me for ages made me feel special but now sadly I believe it was all an act. 

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2 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Just more passive aggressive behavior and manipulative games. He is basically getting off on a power trip over you by making you wait....sadly you did play into that. Don't ever do that again with anyone.

If they don't have the decency to respect your time and show up on time or within reason, then cancel the plans with them and go about your life. If you are hungry, eat. Never ever waste your time waiting around on someone who is being intentionally rude and disrespectful to you.

This has nothing to do with his dog. Lots of people have spoiled pets, but it doesn't stop them from planning their time around that and respecting others by showing up on time.

Believe me I wish I hadn’t regret wasting two years with him and feel so stupid for letting him manipulate me

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Of course this would really bother me!  Your partner is very unsanitary and gross!  He screams DEAL BREAKER! 

He won't change for you.  His habits are here to stay.  It's up to you whether you will continue tolerating him.  It's your choice.  Either accept him stink and all or dissolve and exit the relationship permanently!  Run for the hills! 😵

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20 hours ago, Beth75 said:

I’ve made a decision to leave him, I can’t put up with his ways any longer, I needed to make sure it was him and not me, I’ve realised thanks to everyone it’s definitely him and I never looked at it as he’s manipulating me that shocked me to think he’s doing that. 

Beth,

  Be prepared for him to try and turn this back on you or make you feel bad for speaking up for yourself.  Also be prepared to miss him.  Even the most dysfunctional relationships have a bond and a feeling of security while in them.  Once that is gone there is a hole that you can feel.  When you have those feelings just remind yourself why he isn't the guy for you over and over again.  In time you will feel stronger and confident that you did the right thing no matter what promises he makes of change.

  Good on you, keep posting as you go through the breakup.  We will be here

Lost

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well I didn’t go through with it we remained together, but we had another row last week and we haven’t really spoken since, I’m rather confused as we had the row on Thursday, on Sunday he sent me a WhatsApp picture message of his diy in his garden I replied but he didn’t read the message  or carry the conversation on, but I can see he’s been on social media, also Sunday evening I was going out for a meal with work colleagues he didn’t mention that ask if had a nice time nothing, he was due to come to mine Monday evening but I messaged him not too he replied any reason I said because you haven’t really bothered with me so best we leave it he didn’t reply, is he playing mind games? 

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5 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

 he was due to come to mine Monday evening but I messaged him not too he replied any reason I said because you haven’t really bothered with me so best we leave it he didn’t reply, is he playing mind games? 

You both are at this point. It seems more like contempt on both sides than anything else. Save yourself the headaches and heartaches. Pull the plug.

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10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Can you explain what it is about this man that is so very compelling and attractive? Other than he stares at you.

We do have good times when we are together, and as mad as it seems I enjoy him staring at me calling me beautiful makes me feel special but then he does things like this. 

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5 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

What caused you to change your mind?  Are you afraid of being alone?

Not at all just wanted  to work things out with him really, but I’m realising it’s not going to happen 

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

We do have good times when we are together, and as mad as it seems I enjoy him staring at me calling me beautiful makes me feel special but then he does things like this. 

So he's no longer unsanitary? He's nice and clean and good smelling? His home is now clean? He washes his hands after pooping now? 

Edited by boltnrun
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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So he's no longer unsanitary? He's nice and clean and good smelling? His home is now clean? He washes his hands after pooping now? 

No I’m just confused as I want to be with him in one sense but not with all his faults 

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1 hour ago, Beth75 said:

Well I didn’t go through with it we remained together, but we had another row last week and we haven’t really spoken since, I’m rather confused as we had the row on Thursday, on Sunday he sent me a WhatsApp picture message of his diy in his garden I replied but he didn’t read the message  or carry the conversation on, but I can see he’s been on social media, also Sunday evening I was going out for a meal with work colleagues he didn’t mention that ask if had a nice time nothing, he was due to come to mine Monday evening but I messaged him not too he replied any reason I said because you haven’t really bothered with me so best we leave it he didn’t reply, is he playing mind games? 

He was never really into you though. He likes blondes and you're not blonde. He laughs or dismisses your concerns. You both argue a lot. Maybe it seemed to work in the beginning when the excitement of dating someone new was still there but underneath all that this is a disaster. He and you are on completely different planets.

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