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1 hour ago, Beth75 said:

It’s very messy and unclean I would struggle to live like that 

How can you tolerate this.  It's cringeworthy.  How often does he bathe and brush his teeth?

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Posted (edited)
32 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

Do you think just because it’s on grass he can leave it there? It’s not on a footpath but I still think it’s gross 

People  do walk on the grass.   I hate people people that do not clean up after their animals.  He is lazy, inconsiderate and a slob. Why have you continued to date him?  I would have dumped him after seeing his home.  How often does he wash his bedsheets?

You know that this is not okay.

Edited by Hollyj
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7 hours ago, Hollyj said:

How can you tolerate this.  It's cringeworthy.  How often does he bathe and brush his teeth?

He showers everyday but he doesn’t brush his teeth before bed.

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7 hours ago, Hollyj said:

People  do walk on the grass.   I hate people people that do not clean up after their animals.  He is lazy, inconsiderate and a slob. Why have you continued to date him?  I would have dumped him after seeing his home.  How often does he wash his bedsheets?

You know that this is not okay.

I think because he can be so loving I’m confused but I can’t tolerate his ways anymore, he doesn’t wash them often I think he only changed them because I was staying and I didn’t want to sleep in dog hair.

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To me everything about him is cringeworthy (sorry) and everything about him is a deal breaker.  It's all too gross and disgusting for me.  Ugh. I would have left a very very long time ago. I wouldn't even need to ask what people think - I'd be gone!!

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This isn't about not picking up dog poop or washing his hands or not.  This is not respecting your wishes (no shoes on YOUR couch) respecting other peoples enjoyment of the park (dog poop) and not willing to be reasonable and compromise.

  He is a very disrespectful person in general and he shows you all the time how much he doesn't respect you.

  I don't see any reason to continue this relationship if you are not okay with his kind of character.

  It doesn't matter what we think, it matters what you think.  Surely you can do better than this guy right?   You are strong enough to be alone right? 

You don't need us to validate your choice to dump him but you will not find anyone here that would disagree with that choice.

Lost

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As others have said - he is a grown man and set in his ways, so trying to teach him or ask him to do something will only lead to resentment and the development of a parent-child dynamic in your relationship - which is a real mood killer. If you like who he is otherwise then I’d just straight up tell him your requirements if this relationship is to continue. “In order for this relationship to continue x, y, and z must happen. If you are unwilling to make those changes then I do not wish to continue the relationship.”

Hopefully his feelings for you have greater priority than his stubbornness. If he doesn’t make those changes then leave the relationship. 

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I honestly don’t think he will change he’s leaving me no option to leave him, he leaves the dog mess to the side in long grass, or the dog will poop around a tree but I still don’t think it’s right as children run everywhere, he thinks just because it’s not on a footpath it’s ok to leave it. 

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10 hours ago, Beth75 said:

2 years it’s all been bothering me for a while and it’s just getting worse, he’s 49

49?!? 😳

At 49, he should know better.

Would this bother most women? Yes, of course. It's unhygienic, and unhygienic is not attractive.

But is it changeable at this late in the game? I have my doubts.

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52 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

He is a very disrespectful person in general and he shows you all the time how much he doesn't respect you.

Yes, absolutely, another good point. Disrespectful, most definitely.

This guy does not sound like a good find, imo. In fact he sounds slightly repulsive.

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14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

he's 49, not 4. He's a grown man and treating him like a toddler/teen is not worth the resentment it will cause you. You want a partner not a health hazard or child.

I cannot believe this, OP!  Surely to heaven you can do better than this. 

 

14 hours ago, Beth75 said:

2 years we have spoke about my concerns but he just brushed them off and doesn’t care

He is a health hazard.  Move on Beth.   I am amazed that you even need to ask for opinions. 

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He also said to me once what his preferences are in a woman, he said in a room full of women he would always choose the blonde it made me feel a bit insecure as I’m dark but with blonde highlights is this disrespectful too? 

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Posted (edited)
51 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

he would always choose the blonde

Totally beside the point Beth.  The "he says this, he says that" is not helpful to you.

You can do better. I trust you are going to get away from this pathetic individual. 

Edited by LaHermes
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39 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

he said in a room full of women he would always choose the blonde it made me feel a bit insecure as I’m dark

Why do you care what  his opinion is considering he's a filthy slob?

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37 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Totally beside the point Beth.  The he says this, he says that is not helpful to you.

You can do better. I trust you are going to get away from this pathetic individual. 

He’s leaving me no choice really 

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5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you care what  his opinion is considering he's a filthy slob?

I just want to know what others think as in am I right to be bothered by this remark  

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Beth. Please don't concentrate on the remark. Look at the big picture.

And I echo what Wiseman has said. 

"Why do you care what  his opinion is considering he's a filthy slob?"

5 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

He’s leaving me no choice really 

It is your choice, and you are well aware what your choice must be. What drew you to this individual in the first instance?

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3 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

I just want to know what others think as in am I right to be bothered by this remark  

Yeah it is just another blatant demonstration of his toxic lack of character and respect for others around him, including and especially YOU.

He is nice to you sometimes is not a good enough reason to put up with any of this. Period.

For the love of, raise your standards because right now, they are in the gutter...along with dog poo.

I am truly astonished that you've put up with this unsanitary slob for as long as you have and still need others to validate your decision to leave. Please just dump him and block his number. Should have done that the first time you saw his filthy abode. Come on, OP. Respect yourself more than this. There are homeless people who are cleaner than this loser.

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1 minute ago, LaHermes said:

Beth. Please don't concentrate on the remark. Look at the big picture.

And I echo what Wiseman has said. 

"Why do you care what  his opinion is considering he's a filthy slob?"

It is your choice, and you are well aware what your choice must be. What drew you to this individual in the first instance?

His personality he seemed very kind caring which he can with me, he thinks nothing of buying me expensive gifts treating me on birthdays etc 

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1 minute ago, Beth75 said:

His personality he seemed very kind caring which he can with me, he thinks nothing of buying me expensive gifts treating me on birthdays etc 

...hope the gifts are worth catching hepatitis..... Seriously, you are playing a game of how low you can go here and it's mind boggling for anyone looking in from the outside.

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6 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Yeah it is just another blatant demonstration of his toxic lack of character and respect for others around him, including and especially YOU.

He is nice to you sometimes is not a good enough reason to put up with any of this. Period.

For the love of, raise your standards because right now, they are in the gutter...along with dog poo.

I am truly astonished that you've put up with this unsanitary slob for as long as you have and still need others to validate your decision to leave. Please just dump him and block his number. Should have done that the first time you saw his filthy abode. Come on, OP. Respect yourself more than this. There are homeless people who are cleaner than this loser.

I guess I just wanted clarification it wasn’t me being over dramatic but going by these replies I’m clearly not 

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How would you feel about eating at a restaurant where the cook peed and took a dump right before they prepared your food and hadn't bothered washing their hands? How about staying at a hotel where the sheets weren't changed? Or going to a park for a picnic and sitting next to a steaming pile of dog crap?

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How would you feel about eating at a restaurant where the cook peed and took a dump right before they prepared your food and hadn't bothered washing their hands? How about staying at a hotel where the sheets weren't changed? Or going to a park for a picnic and sitting next to a steaming pile of dog crap?

I know it’s all disgusting when I tried to talk to him about the things bothering me he just used to laugh it off which made me feel I was making a deal out of nothing 

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5 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

I know it’s all disgusting when I tried to talk to him about the things bothering me he just used to laugh it off which made me feel I was making a deal out of nothing 

Why are you allowing him to dictate how you feel and what's important to you?

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8 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

I know it’s all disgusting when I tried to talk to him about the things bothering me he just used to laugh it off which made me feel I was making a deal out of nothing 

Dating isn't about telling him how to behave. It is about YOU observing how he behaves and then deciding if that is acceptable to you or not. If the answer is no, you dump him immediately.

This kind of reminds of a guy I dated briefly way back at uni. He seemed really great, funny, etc. We had a lot in common and generally got on well. One day I was over at his place and needed to use the restroom.... O...M...G.....I swear he had things growing in there that are not known to science. That was enough for me to never see him again despite all the good bits. It's just a hard complete NOPE. This is why we date - to learn thing about the other person, especially their down sides. Are their down sides something you can actually handle or not. If not, move on. It really is that simple.

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