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Dmrrr

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Some of us have actually studied psychology and counselling, yes...me being one of them.

I studied for 4 years at Uni, did pretty well, my plans were to counsel, but I got married instead and became a Mum. The career was left on hold.

I know there are others on here too that did in fact study counselling or have professionally counselled, I won't name names, but yes, there are a few.

As for the rest, I do feel that experience is a huge asset too.

You can read a manual on how to drive a car, but it's nothing like actually driving a car.

You have to have the full on experience of heartache, or trauma or life in general before you know what you're actually talking about and how to help others survive and cope.

I think every single person who gives advice on this site has something valuable to offer.

They are doing it for free, and luckily, being as it's a forum, you are allowed to pick and choose what advice you take or leave. No one is pressuring anyone. You get a myriad of opinions and you can take whichever one works best for you.

That's actually pretty decent, if you ask me.

I will tell you too, that not every counsellor or even psychologist/psychiatrist will be helpful.

Some have read the textbooks but not lived it and don't actually know what they're talking about.

They can be more harmful then helpful.

There are lots of different counselling styles as well, depending on who you are and who you go to see, it might be a mismatch and won't help you as you had hoped it would.

Lastly, I respect those that have studied counselling and can help, but I also respect those that have learnt through "the school of life"...in many ways it's a lot more insightful and more valuable as they can literally give you tips on how to manage your way through as they did themselves.

Each piece of advice is someone trying to help, someone who is typing out their thoughts, their opinions, and using their time....FOR YOU and all for free.

If you don't like one persons advice or opinion, then move on to the next until you do find what works for you, but still try to appreciate and respect anyone that offers a helping hand.

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19 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Some of us have actually studied psychology and counselling, yes...me being one of them.

I studied for 4 years at Uni, did pretty well, my plans were to counsel, but I got married instead and became a Mum. The career was left on hold.

I know there are others on here too that did in fact study counselling or have professionally counselled, I won't name names, but yes, there are a few.

As for the rest, I do feel that experience is a huge asset too.

You can read a manual on how to drive a car, but it's nothing like actually driving a car.

You have to have the full on experience of heartache, or trauma or life in general before you know what you're actually talking about and how to help others survive and cope.

I think every single person who gives advice on this site has something valuable to offer.

They are doing it for free, and luckily, being as it's a forum, you are allowed to pick and choose what advice you take or leave. No one is pressuring anyone. You get a myriad of opinions and you can take whichever one works best for you.

That's actually pretty decent, if you ask me.

I will tell you too, that not every counsellor or even psychologist/psychiatrist will be helpful.

Some have read the textbooks but not lived it and don't actually know what they're talking about.

They can be more harmful then helpful.

There are lots of different counselling styles as well, depending on who you are and who you go to see, it might be a mismatch and won't help you as you had hoped it would.

Lastly, I respect those that have studied counselling and can help, but I also respect those that have learnt through "the school of life"...in many ways it's a lot more insightful and more valuable as they can literally give you tips on how to manage your way through as they did themselves.

Each piece of advice is someone trying to help, someone who is typing out their thoughts, their opinions, and using their time....FOR YOU and all for free.

If you don't like one persons advice or opinion, then move on to the next until you do find what works for you, but still try to appreciate and respect anyone that offers a helping hand.

I studied psychology at university also and also a community college mental health, drugs and alcohol, and a disability course. I've been a welfare worker for eight years. I actually have met counsellors I was seeing who really seemed to be into it just for money. When I was a teenager, I was being bullied at school. Some of the bullying was that I was overweight and had acne. I came to a counselor who was specialised in working with young people. I told her I was being bullied but I didn't understand why because I'd been nice and friendly to everyone at school and did nothing wrong. She said: "Well, some people just have "loser" written on their face". It's like, WHAT??!! She had a specialisation in working with young people and she's telling a bullied 16-year-old they are a loser?

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3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

She said: "Well, some people just have "loser" written on their face". It's like, WHAT??!! She had a specialisation in working with young people and she's telling a bullied 16-year-old they are a loser?

I'm sorry you went through that.

At the end of the day, counsellors who have been formally educated, are just people too.

They make a lot of mistakes and although there are some darn good counsellors out there, there are also not so good ones, but that's with anything in life.

As long as you can find someone who is compassionate, willing to help and has good advice to give, then you've found a gem.

Note that lacking compassion and empathy, however, will do more harm then good.

Unfortunately, it sounds as though you met up with one of those kinds of people, and it really is disheartening.

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I want to tell you my story. I think you need to hear it.

My mother & father regularly fought. I can still remember him hitting her with an iron one night.

They divorced & she went on to marry 4 other men, all abusive to both her, me & my Sisters.

I am now 59 years old. My childhood still haunts me. It haunted one of my Sisters so much that she chose alcohol, pills & eventually suicide.

I have been through trauma councelling and I have no relationship with my mother. I am closed off, have very few friends, dont trust many people & protect my 2 children from the world.

Your Daughter is suffering. You might not think she is, but she is. As an only child she has no one to share this with, so it makes it even worse.

Please stop and think about her just for a moment.

 

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9 hours ago, Dmrrr said:

It makes us scared to ask for HELP!

The best thing you can do is get a restraining order ASAP.

Talk to local officials about the violence he's threatening and perpetrating in your home.

It very easy to get rid of him because it's your and your mother's house.

 

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I'm not a counselor.  However, I've been around the block a few times and learned street smarts.  I also come from the school of hard knocks. 

I have experience in this thing called life, people, dynamics, all sorts of good and despicable characters.  I simply share what I know based upon good and bad experiences with so many people in my life.  I share my insights and I hope it will shed light on a different perspective just like a lot of great people on this forum. 

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Suggestions and advice offered on a web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

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6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Suggestions and advice offered on a web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

I am flagging that up again as Wiseman makes perfectly clear what this site is intended for. WE can provide encouragement, support and signpost people to actual official services where they can be attended by qualified personnel.

 

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I didn't see your thread or what the issue was. I doubt anyone was intending to offend you on purpose. This is a public forum only. What tends to cause a lot of grief is a thread can go on and on despite the original poster having their answer and being long gone. People continue to answer on the thread because it's open. 

You can write into the moderators to have a thread closed if you feel it's no longer appropriate. The forum only exists here those who need some added opinion. This is a very small group of regular posters. If you don't feel the opinions here are broad enough, cross-post on to larger forums with a much larger group of individuals. 

If you feel you need the support of professionals, try looking at professional services in your area.

 

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On 5/24/2021 at 8:38 PM, Dmrrr said:

a domestic violence hotline to call which I could of sworn is for victims not abusers.

The hotlines are usually for both, because abusers have often been victims themselves.

It's a messy cycle, and that's why it's important to break it for your child AND for you.

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