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Is there any filter on who comments on these posts?


Dmrrr
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Are the people that reply to these posts counselors or just a bunch of people that have also been hurt/traumatized in their relationships? If it’s the latter I’m just wondering how accurate my responses will be. 

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Dmrr.   Take it from me you can count on getting very insightful and straight to the point responses to any questions you put up here.   There are no pro bono counsellors here. We are doing it for free.

 

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Yup, is all from those who've arrived the same way (mostly).

Those who've seeked out help in their own struggles, for some feedback, so to say. And who often do care to give as well.

As mentioned, if you want someone like a therapist, you can look up  info for 'local counsellors' etc, through your local mental health teams.

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1 hour ago, Dmrrr said:

Are the people that reply to these posts counselors or just a bunch of people that have also been hurt/traumatized in their relationships? If it’s the latter I’m just wondering how accurate my responses will be. 

Opinions and advice by their very definition are not "accurate". They are based on perceptions and life experience. 

What exactly do you mean by "accurate"?

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Opinions and advice by their very definition are not "accurate". They are based on perceptions and life experience. 

What exactly do you mean by "accurate"?

I’m saying depending on their experience their view might be biased.

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Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Dmrrr said:

I’m saying depending on their experience their view might be biased.

I think that anyone would concur that your situation is abusive.  You know this.  You need to put your child first.

I suggest you contact an abuse hotline and ask them.

Edited by Hollyj
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11 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

I think that anyone would concur that your situation is abusive.  You know this.  You need to put your child first.

I suggest you contact an abuse hotline and ask them.

Yeah, I understand that. It’s just hard for me to sit here and be told I’m an abusive mother. I feel like if that was the case I wouldn’t of came on here to ask for help for her and I. Thanks

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Exposing your child to horrific environment makes both parents abusive.  She should not be in such a toxic household.  You made the decision to return to this guy, again and again.

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35 minutes ago, Dmrrr said:

I’m saying depending on their experience their view might be biased.

Exactly.

Your experience leads you to not want to believe you are raising your child in an abusive home. And my experience being raised in a home where Mom and Dad fought all the time leads me to feel empathy and compassion for children who are going through that same situation,  whose parents choose not to protect them because they "love" a toxic person or don't want to be "alone".

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8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Exactly.

Your experience leads you to not want to believe you are raising your child in an abusive home. And my experience being raised in a home where Mom and Dad fought all the time leads me to feel empathy and compassion for children who are going through that same situation,  whose parents choose not to protect them because they "love" a toxic person or don't want to be "alone".

I get that and I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure there are forums that those exact teenagers/kids are on that you can help. This site might not be the best place for you to advise on if you’re just going to take out the anger you have toward your own parents on the parents on here asking for HELP! It makes us scared to ask for HELP!

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21 minutes ago, Dmrrr said:

I get that and I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure there are forums that those exact teenagers/kids are on that you can help. This site might not be the best place for you to advise on if you’re just going to take out the anger you have toward your own parents on the parents on here asking for HELP! It makes us scared to ask for HELP!

Bolt isn’t angry. And people can advise where they like. People who have a lot of life experience have very valuable insight. 

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1 hour ago, Dmrrr said:

I get that and I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure there are forums that those exact teenagers/kids are on that you can help. This site might not be the best place for you to advise on if you’re just going to take out the anger you have toward your own parents on the parents on here asking for HELP! It makes us scared to ask for HELP!

If you have “compassion and empathy” for your child, then why are you still with him? 

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43 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Bolt isn’t angry. And people can advise where they like. People who have a lot of life experience have very valuable insight. 

Really cause it’s the same 4 or 5 people with 2k + points or whatever it’s called ganging up on me calling me an abusive and bad mother. But at the same time giving me a domestic violence hotline to call which I could of sworn is for victims not abusers. So pick one. You read a couple paragraphs I wrote on an incident. I love my child more than anything and I came on here for help and I’ve been non stop crying because I swore being a mother was one of the ONLY things I was good at. But apparently I ***ing suck at that too. Waste of time coming on here 

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Just now, Hollyj said:

If you have “compassion and empathy” for your child, then why are you still with him? 

*** you ***. Seriously it’s the same 4 or 5 of you calling me a bad mother based on a couple paragraphs you read. My child is my EVERYTHING. Do you even have kids?

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People are just telling you what constitutes abuse. And your child witnessing abuse is one of those things. It is hard to hear , yes, but it is true. 
 

My mom didn’t want to hear what she did by staying with our father was abuse to me and my sibling either . She loves us more than the universe but by being with him we were still abused. It is just reality. 
 

The good thing is, you can fix this situation. I am NOT picking on you I am telling you what happens to the mental state of kids who watch parents get abused. 

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Well, to be fair I think people here are less biased than your friends or family might be because they don't actually know you. Usually your parents and friends would take your side because your parents love you unconditionally and sometimes your friends are actually scared to rock the boat. E.g. Let's say you were telling a good friend that you're having problems with another friend, but they don't know that other friend.  It's not really in their interest to side with the other person because they have nothing to gain from it. So often they'll agree with you or they just won't really say anything and will make some neutral comments like: "Sorry you feel that way, that must be so hard for you". Whereas people here have nothing to gain from taking your side so they are just being honest. If you get the same response a lot then I would encourage you to think why many people said the same thing. Usually that means there's truth in what they're saying.

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2 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

That’s nice.  
I feel for your poor kid.  Your ego is more important than your kids well being.  Sad. 

Really cause I came on here seeking help FOR MY KID!!! I’m leaving him FOR MY KID. I won’t let random people say I’m a bad mother, sorry that’s never going to happen. It has nothing to do with ego. 

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2 minutes ago, Dmrrr said:

Really cause I came on here seeking help FOR MY KID!!! I’m leaving him FOR MY KID. I won’t let random people say I’m a bad mother, sorry that’s never going to happen. It has nothing to do with ego. 

Well in that case you need to really leave and not just talk about it. You are contributing to the abusive situation in the family home because you and your boyfriend just don't get along, you seem to bring out the worst in each other. Your daughter is witnessing fights and abuse from both parents. The abuse is not towards her but she can still see it right in front of her. She saw her Dad trying to punch her Mum and her Mum pepper sprayed her Dad. You and your boyfriend are physically hurting each other. I think there is no need to say who is right or wrong because the end result is your daughter us growing up in a very unstable environment. If you want the best for her then you need to take her out of that abusive environment, which would mean leaving your boyfriend.

I think you need to think about also how the relationship was from the beginning. Your boyfriend already used to hit you in the past. It's great you quit drugs but this was not a healthy relationship from the start. It sounds like you need a clean slate and to really start over without him.

Yes, people here are just random people because if they were professional counsellors then why would they be giving advice for free? If you want to see a counsellor then by all means you can but you need to pay for it. If you want free advice then you can't expect it to be sugar coated just for you and what you want to hear.

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