Dejavu

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, smilieman said:

didn't request the letters. 

So your attorney wrote and sent these letters without your knowledge or approval? You had no idea whatsoever that she was going to write and send them?

I ask because several times in this thread you mentioned your attorney was sending this letter or that letter. So she must have notified you.

Any time an attorney does anything on their client's behalf there is a charge. That's pretty common knowledge. Did you think those letters would be free?

Going forward do not approve your attorney to send any more letters.  They are pointless and unenforceable in court.

How is the house move going? Will you be moving soon?

[smilieman]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So your attorney wrote and sent these letters without your knowledge or approval? You had no idea whatsoever that she was going to write and send them?

No she didn't.  I said that I didn't specifically request the letters.  She said that she would write to them.

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I ask because several times in this thread you mentioned your attorney was sending this letter or that letter. So she must have notified you.

Yes she did.  I thought it was just standard procedure.  I have nothing to compare to.

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Any time an attorney does anything on their client's behalf there is a charge. That's pretty common knowledge. Did you think those letters would be free?

I know this, no I didn't think they would be free.  Those letters were not the large part of the bill anyway and I have never said they were - that has been an assumption brought by @Wiseman2, it was preparing the court forms and emails mainly, collating information.

 

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Going forward do not approve your attorney to send any more letters.  They are pointless and unenforceable in court.

I shan't.  Court work only...

 

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

How is the house move going? Will you be moving soon?

This is a sore point.  I was getting all ready for this when my lawyer said that it would effect my claim paying the rent up-front from savings - the only way that I can see to do this.  She said to wait until we hear from the court.  The court is running behind and said we would hear by 25th July - we haven't.  My lawyer chased them up first thing Monday morning.  No word yet.

I am trying frantically to put the house back a couple of weeks without losing it, but fear that I may discourage the landlords.  I hate working via agents and would prefer to speak with landlords direct.  I have offered to pay larger deposit on house to secure it for a couple of weeks to see what happens in court.

Either that or I can go ahead and rent it and move, but destroy my maintenance claim.

My lawyer says there is a very good chance I would be successful, but I'm not sure how that's going to pan out and I am worried that my savings are going to be depleted.

I wasn't expecting all this hassle to be honest and it's far too stressful and it is taking its toll.  But another day ticks by and still nothing from the court.  I feel totally beat up, haven't been sleeping since all this started 10 weeks ago.  I just wish something would go right.

If this claim isn't successful I'm done with this and will see if I can just get it finished where we agree that we don't have a claim on each other.  If the stbxw hadn't have left in this way and taken all of the money as selfishly as she did by lying and deciet, one year before she left for the bulk withdrawal and dribbled out money 2 years before she left, then things would have been different.

However, they aren't.  I was hood-winked by the person that I trusted the most in my life and that is a horrible thing to have to deal with.  I'm an emotional wreck and alone and I can't understand why people here are coming across so abrupt and making me out to be stupid - perhaps I am.  I have not got a point of reference to how divorces are handled, I have never had one before.  This entire thing from the start has not only been a terrible shock, but an increasingly ongoing nightmare.  I am taking people's advice, friend, lawyer, etc, and the more advice I act upon the worse my situation gets.  This has been the case right from the outset.

I'm now on sleeping tablets, so perhaps I'll be able to get more than 3 hours of broken sleep for a night or two.  I haven't stopped shaking since all this started and I am beaten down and exhausted.

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your wife wasn't playing games. She was smart not to waste her money on paying her attorney to respond to meaningless letters from your attorney. Smart to just laugh them off, because your attorney's bluffs and nonsense.

Agree. Your attorney is trying to inflame a situation instead of allowing it to be amicable:  

On 8/3/2021 at 10:12 AM, smilieman said:

Apparently it was needed to be done that way initially as it builds a case showing her poor conduct and unwillingness to come to an amicable agreement.  That's what I was told anyway - sounds plausible.

Your stbx wife wants to go to court. Big deal. That's not poor conduct.

Have you see the content of the letters that your attorney has sent to your wife?

[boltnrun]

I never had a divorce before either.

I'm sorry you feel we have been giving you bad advice and that you feel we are making things worse for you.

[smilieman]

The content of the letters that everybody seems to be getting stuck on, was to request the logon information for the house utility accounts so that I could change the information.  That's it.

Conduct: My stbx kept cancelling things without notice to me.  Specifically car insurance, mobile phone, house rent, etc.  All after she said that she would pay them until end August - all by surprise.  Added to that theft and intention to defraud.  That's bad conduct and is proven by bank statements (audit trails).

Not replying to letters isn't bad conduct  - agreed.

I don't see how my lawyer is trying to inflame the situation.  All her letters are amicable, my wife's lawyers letters are argumentative.

It was only about 3 letters - that's it.  Everything is going via court procedure now as it's been filed.

[Jibralta]

7 minutes ago, smilieman said:

Conduct: My stbx kept cancelling things without notice to me.  Specifically car insurance, mobile phone, house rent, etc.  All after she said that she would pay them until end August - all by surprise.  Added to that theft and intention to defraud.  That's bad conduct and is proven by bank statements (audit trails).

What is the point of showing bad conduct? Do you think it will win you more money? 

[smilieman]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm sorry you feel we have been giving you bad advice and that you feel we are making things worse for you.

I'm not saying that at all.  It would be nice for a little understanding though.  I know that text can be read differently, but it's all very raw for me and I'm a very sensitive soul and learning as I go.  Hopefully I will be able to learn lessons to assist others at some stage - who knows.

I was specific about the advice I had taken - my friend and my lawyer - each time I've acted on this advice, my situation has worsened.  Well, that's how I feel anyway at the moment, as I can't see anything positive coming out of this.

Considering that I have been in panic for an entire 10 weeks and shaking uncontrollably, that means that I am in fight/flight mode and my pre-frontal cortex isn't processing information properly, so everything is really tough.

I need to have a switch installed just to turn it off for a while, it is really exhausting and I'm doing the best I can to navigate as best I can.  I'm chatting to my friend tomorrow morning, just to mull over a few options.  It's good to talk to somebody to pass ideas off them, although he has only got time to speak en-route to work, so it may be quite difficult if the reception on his phone is choppy as it has been.  I would like to come up with some ideas for when I hear back from the agent of the house tomorrow.

I hope that I can post something here a bit more positive at some stage.

Please know that I do appreciate your comments and I do consider them. 🙂

[smilieman]

12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

What is the point of showing bad conduct?

Because it helps the case.  It's not a big thing, but points to the fact that even though we have been as amicable as possible, she has shown that she is not willing to do that.

There is also potential signature forgery and intention to defraud to consider.

13 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Do you think it will win you more money?

It helps my claim:

https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/to-the-adulterer-the-spoils-the-role-of-conduct-in-divorce-and-financial-proceedings-in-england-and-abroad

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, smilieman said:

Because it helps the case.  It's not a big thing, but points to the fact that even though we have been as amicable as possible, she has shown that she is not willing to do that.

There is also potential signature forgery and intention to defraud to consider.

But HOW does it help the case? They aren't going to refuse you a divorce.

5 hours ago, smilieman said:

It helps my claim:

https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/to-the-adulterer-the-spoils-the-role-of-conduct-in-divorce-and-financial-proceedings-in-england-and-abroad

Smilieman, I don't think you read that article. It contradicts your belief:

Quote

"So, what impact does this conduct have on the divorce process?  ‘Very little’, is the answer most clients are surprised to hear.  Surely, they ask us, the court will take into account the difficulties they have faced at the hands of the other party and speed the petition along quicker than those with no conduct element.  ‘No’, we in turn must advise them, it won’t; in fact, the process may well be a longer (and potentially more expensive) affair if it relies too heavily on conduct.  Amicability between the parties tends to move things along faster."

You should take some time and read through that article.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, smilieman said:

 that has been an assumption brought by @Wiseman2, it was preparing the court forms and emails mainly, collating information.

Wrong.

You complained about your attorney bills. You claimed you were over charged. 

My statement was that it's more expensive with all the unnessary handholding (emails, overly emotional accusations, second guessing, sending letters,etc.) and asking for money before your attorney filed.

Your posts contradict themselves.

Your emotional state is the problem.

You're making it expensive with your and your attorneys approach.

You're conflating your theories and guesses with facts. 

[Bothered2021]

You stated you have to put an end to this divorce. That’s not an option. It isn’t your choice and just because you can’t afford it doesn’t mean it won’t proceed. It unfortunately means that you won’t recover all that you maybe entitled to. 
It seems that your lawyer isn’t the best or you could be misunderstanding the legal stuff that is going on.

I agree with @Wiseman2. You’re emotional state seems to be your biggest issue right now. I don’t mean that in a mean way either. I’m not sure if you are causing hold ups and issues as a way to keep the divorce from moving along. Maybe you are hoping it will be too much for both of you and she won’t want to actually divorce you. But if that is the case, I think you really need to see the situation for what it really is

[smilieman]

On 8/5/2021 at 3:17 PM, Bothered2021 said:

You stated you have to put an end to this divorce. That’s not an option. It isn’t your choice and just because you can’t afford it doesn’t mean it won’t proceed.

Sorry, I don't understand this, why couldn't I stop it?  It's not that I don't want the divorce, it's all the other stuff I don' want - the games she is playing.  It's killing me.

On 8/5/2021 at 3:17 PM, Bothered2021 said:

It seems that your lawyer isn’t the best or you could be misunderstanding the legal stuff that is going on.

It's probably me.  Yes, I'm in an emotional state.  I am really not coping too well with all of this and it's as much as I can do to get through each day.

On 8/5/2021 at 3:17 PM, Bothered2021 said:

I’m not sure if you are causing hold ups and issues as a way to keep the divorce from moving along. Maybe you are hoping it will be too much for both of you and she won’t want to actually divorce you.

I'm not causing any holds ups, it's the court delays.  No I'm not hoping she won't want to divorce, and it's actually me divorcing her.

On 8/5/2021 at 3:17 PM, Bothered2021 said:

I think you really need to see the situation for what it really is

I will be left with nothing.  I have nothing now as she took the savings, she has left me financially (and emotionally) broke - I cannot work - and now she's after my pensions, which is the only source of money I have access to.  She has the money and the income.

As  say, I struggle to get through each day worrying about how and where to live.  It's really tough.