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I genuinely do not know what to do. Pls help me!


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I’m a 20 years old girl. When I was 18 I started dating this guy that I fell in love with. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and a part of me thinks that he is my soul mate. We broke up in November 2020, due to a lot of pressure the pandemic has brought on us. During the lockdown, we functioned as a long distance relationship, and after that we only saw each other once a week, not every day like we used to before Coivd… We decided our relationship turned into a toxic one so we mutually agreed to break up and stay friends, because I really did not want him out of my life for good. I thought that this was a good idea, until I started feeling lonely and asked him to get back together. He denied me. So I tried to move on by starting to talk to other guys (I was still talking as ‘friends’ with my ex too..). In December 2020 I posted a picture with another guy, and my ex saw it and, probably due to his super jealous nature, he got super mad at me for moving on too fast (although I didn’t) and he called me a liar (which to this day I still do not know why)… He then blocked me on all social media and I couldn’t reach him ever since. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself. I’ve contacted his sister and asked her to talk to him, to convince him to talk to me. He told her that he’s better off without me, and that he wants to just focus on himself for a while, and that I would hurt him even more if we talked again. I have been living a nightmare ever since, because I just want to talk to him, and I feel like I will never get my peace if I don’t. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been going out with lots of guys ever since, hoping that I will forget about him, but none of them felt like him. Should I keep trying to contact him, or keep trying to move on?

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1 minute ago, anon987654321 said:

we mutually agreed to break up and stay friends, because I really did not want him out of my life for good.… He then blocked me on all social media. I’ve contacted his sister and asked her to talk to him, to convince him to talk to me. 

Sorry this happened. You're right it was a mistake to stay friends in the hopes of getting him back, as well as posting pics with guys to try to get him back and worse, contacting his family about it.

 Let go. You have plenty of opportunities at work, school, in groups, clubs, sports, volunteering and of course, dating apps to start talking to and meeting guys.

Delete nd block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

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Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

we only saw each other once a week, not every day like we used to before Coivd… We decided our relationship turned into a toxic one so we mutually agreed to break up and stay friends, because I really did not want him out of my life for good. I thought that this was a good idea, until I started feeling lonely and asked him to get back together. He denied me. So I tried to move on by starting to talk to other guys (I was still talking as ‘friends’ with my ex too..)

Is really not a good idea to be as 'friends', after a BU.  It causes too much pressures 😕 .. Is best to just leave all. So you can BOTH move on & heal..etc.

 

27 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

In December 2020 I posted a picture with another guy, and my ex saw it and, probably due to his super jealous nature, he got super mad at me for moving on too fast (although I didn’t) and he called me a liar

He has NO right's to even react on you.  You two are not together, so you owe him nothing!

 

27 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

He told her that he’s better off without me, and that he wants to just focus on himself for a while, and that I would hurt him even more if we talked again. I have been living a nightmare ever since, because I just want to talk to him, and I feel like I will never get my peace if I don’t. I don’t know what to do

No, you need to try and focus now on YOU.  You will not find ;your peace', by keeping contact with him 😕 .

27 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

I’ve been going out with lots of guys ever since, hoping that I will forget about him, but none of them felt like him.

And please do NOT do this.  It will not help matters at all.

You NEED to take some time now and just chill.  You need to work through all of your emotions, on your own.  Don't be seeking some support from other guys.  At this time you've got nothing to give...

You need to 'get back to good' again and this takes time... So, give yourself that time.

Learn to be okay on your own.. and get over all of this.  You both do. ( maybe try by using a journal to 'get it out'.. get out with a friend, get some air.. give it all time).

do not look at dating again, until you know you are over him.  Much more time than this.

Focus on YOU now ❤️ .

One day at a time...tc

Edited by SooSad33
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13 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Is really not a good idea to be as 'friends', after a BU.  It causes too much pressures 😕 .. Is best to just leave all. So you can BOTH move on & heal..etc.

 

He has NO right's to even react on you.  You two are not together, so you owe him nothing!

 

No, you need to try and focus now on YOU.  You will not find ;your peace', by keeping contact with him 😕 .

And please do NOT do this.  It will not help matters at all.

You NEED to take some time now and just chill.  You need to work through all of your emotions, on your own.  Don't be seeking some support from other guys.  At this time you've got nothing to give...

You need to 'get back to good' again and this takes time... So, give yourself that time.

Learn to be okay on your own.. and get over all of this.  You both do. ( maybe try by using a journal to 'get it out'.. get out with a friend, get some air.. give it all time).

do not look at dating again, until you know you are over him.  Much more time than this.

Focus on YOU now ❤️ .

One day at a time...tc

You make me cry 😞 Thank you for answering to me ❤️ 

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5 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

You make me cry 😞 Thank you for answering to me

Is okay .. crying is okay - another form of release ❤️ .

I know, it hurts!  Been there a few times 😕 .  

But, we need to be strong... work on accepting & letting go.

In time, ( no contact.. nothing), it will get less and less painful for you.

If your involvement is done, then you BOTH need time to accept this and heal.

We're human, we feel.

So, take it easy on yourself for a while.... many have been where you have.

Good on you for reaching out.. you are not alone ❤️ .

Tc 🙂 

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2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

How did you arrive at this conclusion?

What exactly was going before you broke up?

Well, I should mention that I'm living in a city with my family, the place where I've been living my whole life. He was also living in the city when we met, but he was paying rent here, because his family lived outside the city, in like a small village, 40 kms away. So when the pandemic and the lockdown started, he had to end the agreement with the rent person (idk how to call him...) and moved back home. The lockdown was about 2 months (if I remember correctly) and during that time we only saw each other twice, for a couple of days. I was very sad in that period of time, because we were literally addicted to each other before, and we were hanging out together every day before the pandemic. So we became more distant due to the fact that we couldn't spend as much time together anymore. We couldn't communicate as easily via the internet and the long distance relationship really did not work for us at all. There was a lot of tension. But I had hope that it will all get back to normal once the lockdown would come to an end. Which it didn't happen. After the lockdown ended (officially) he was still living outside the city, because he had no place to live in the city anymore. So we still functioned like a long distance relationship for a few more months. I was still visiting him, and he was coming to the city too, sleeping at some friends, so we can see each other during the day, and we managed to hang out together at least once a week I guess, but again, things had changed. I started feeling like he grew apart from me or smth (I'm not sure how to describe this in English, he just became more distant). That's when my depression really settled in. That's when I realised that things are not going back to normal and that we won't get back to how we used to be, seeing each other every day, and with the same excitement. I tried talking to him but I felt like he just didn't get me anymore. I was missing him so much everyday we weren't together and I think the worst part was that I felt like he actually enjoyed not being close to me anymore, like he was relieved he didn't have to see me every day anymore or something... So the summer (and then autumn) of 2020 had easily turned into a nightmare for me, and from the cute, amazing, perfect couple that we were, we turned into one of those couples that breaks up once every couple of weeks lmao.. we both had made mistakes and we were just pissing each other off at some point. Things just weren't working for us anymore. And I couldn't believe it. And I refused to believe it. My mind was stuck (and partially still is) in that beautiful period of time when everything was perfect and life was easy and pink and I was happy. Everything that happened during September 2018 - march 2020, ever since the first night that we met each other (which was literally a scene out of a romance movie or smth), will probably remain in my memory forever.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, anon987654321 said:

Should I keep trying to contact him, or keep trying to move on?

No. He didnt want to get back together and then blocked you after you tried to talk with other guys. Dont contact somebody like that. You are young, you need to live your life, meet other people. I do realize its hard now because you thought he was "soulmate". But even if he was, its pretty clear he wants nothing to do with you now. Plus, that jealous outbreak is something else. You werent together, feel free to talk with other men, you did a good thing to move on with your life. I know its hard to see now, but you need to forget and move on. There will be other soulmates, other people who you will share interests with and have a romance. So, keep trying just what you did and you will do fine.

Edited by Kwothe28
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3 hours ago, anon987654321 said:

In December 2020 I posted a picture with another guy, and my ex saw it and, probably due to his super jealous nature, he got super mad at me for moving on too fast (although I didn’t) and he called me a liar (which to this day I still do not know why)… He then blocked me on all social media and I couldn’t reach him ever since. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.

After breaking up and deciding to remain "friends," what was there to explain?  You were a free agent, as was he. Stop placing yourself at his mercy, and gain back your self respect.  This is over, it's time to accept that.

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