Wife gets mad when I relax...

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Right....

If I come in and see he's doing a hobby or relaxing and I really need help, I just simply ask 🤷‍♀️

and not in a demanding, or critical way, or a way in which he feels like I resent him doing his own stuff.  That's the adult thing to do... not getting mad and having an adult tantrum.

You can try to tell her to just simply ask you what she really needs done each day (from you) or in the course of a week or so, that way you can feel like you're helping.  But then she has to respect that if you've done the tasks she requested, she needs to back off and leave you alone, respect you as a separate person from her.

So I think it's not a science and individual to each couple - like Maritalbliss is also suggesting.  If I need help reaching something high up in the closet and it's time sensitive I'll ask but not if he's on the phone.  Others might be fine helping while on the phone (I would be) but he wouldn't be.  For example.  But yes -separate person/separate needs/separate temperament and as a couple it's a give and take not keeping score so you let each other "be" as much as possible.

[DancingFool]

12 hours ago, Mr.Mister said:

That is not the point. 😋 I was saying that my wife feels that spending time relaxing or doing things that are not productive is just wasting time that could be used moving and getting stuff done. She will even make up stuff to do, if there is nothing to do (like "maybe we should move all these books from here to over there and sort them by color" or something like that).

Relaxation is important for my mental health, but my wife seems to be content with like 15 minutes of relaxation a day; she'll do some yoga or something and then go right back to work.

It probably has to do with how she was raised, but it's very difficult to me sometimes.

Also, my previous posts aren't really important to this topic as well, especially when taken second hand and out of context. It's a bit annoying that a simple question like "does anyone else experience this?" becomes a "look at this ***. Here's something he said before" and the original topic is ignored. 😋

Thank you to those that legitimately tried to help. I don't have time to write everyone individually.

I'm sorry, OP, but what's in bold is not normal or healthy behavior on her part. Whether it's damage from her upbringing or other undiagnosed issues, it is not OK and no, it's not cultural either. This is very toxic, obsessive compulsive behavior that is not only affecting your health, but will affect your children negatively as well. Consider that if she is acting this way because she was raised this way, she will pass that straight on to your children and damage them psychologically as well.

As for what do to about it....honestly, this is a "come to Jesus" type of a difficult conversation you need to have with your spouse. Not only that her attitude and behavior is toxic and unacceptable, but that she needs to get some professional help with it. Sadly, I have the impression that you are not likely to rock this boat and that she will bulldoze you even if you tried it. So on that note, I'd don't know what to tell you - eventually something is going to give if you don't find a way to stand up to her.

[LaHermes]

12 hours ago, Mr.Mister said:

my previous posts aren't really important to this topic

I beg to differ OP.  Your previous threads give us context.  In particular the matter of your health.

[LaHermes]

2 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Not only that her attitude and behavior is toxic and unacceptable, but that she needs to get some professional help with it. Sadly, I have the impression that you are not likely to rock this boat and that she will bulldoze you even if you tried it. So on that note, I'd don't know what to tell you - eventually something is going to give if you don't find a way to stand up to her.

I totally echo what DF says.