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A bit all over the place, really


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So this is feels a bit dumb tbh, but I just wanna rant somewhere. I've not made long lasting friendships in school and that seemed ok because I was a stay-alone kind of kid.

In college, I made pretty good friends though, we are like-minded and I admire them for who they are. However, these two years, since quarantine, it's just affected our friendships the same way it did the rest of our lives.

I tried to bridge the gap through texting or video calling. But I feel like I would sometimes love to see someone ping me up first, or at least, reply or agree to a video call when I approach them first. 

It's hard to stay positive all the time, but I'm trying to. However, it's come to the point where I don't wanna talk to anyone anymore, but I dread it all the same. As if something horrible would happen if I am alone. I'm addicted to my phone, even YouTube videos, just to hear someone talk. Sometimes there is also the mild paranoia that my friends don't really wanna contact me anymore. 

My family helps a lot, but I can't explain. It's just not the same sphere of life. I love them, and I hate that I'm asking for anything more. So I don't bring it up to them. 

I'm confused. 

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Make sure your local real life is complete. That means working, even 2 jobs, taking courses, clubs groups, sports and volunteering, etc.

It's unfair to expect your friends to babysit you because you're bored and "addicted to your phone".

The onus is on you to find more productive and enjoyable ways to spend your time.

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Posted (edited)

Yep, I'd definitely agree with you. On a normal day. 

But we are still having our lockdown here. Meaning we can't get out of our houses. That sounds like an excuse, but it also means things are yet to get back to normal around here. 

How do I explain this? I'm not expecting a babysitter, rather a meagre connection with the outside world. 

Also, I am currently participating in online courses as much as I can, alongside college classes. But there's a component of overpowering sadness that takes control everyday. I know it sounds lame, but that's the only way I can express it. 

And no, I don't have the expectation that suddenly talking to a friend is gonna undo all that. The point is to have a positive social interaction once in a while. 

Edited by sarameldrin
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I met a few local friends here through a 'local singles grp' on Facebook.

This was about 3 yrs ago and I still talk with/ hang with about 3 of them on a regular basis.

So maybe see if you have something like that in your area?

Also, yeah, there are several other groups (sports related, crafts ( I am also in a crochet grp).. a hauntings grp, lol). So, yah never know.

 

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2 hours ago, sarameldrin said:

Yep, I'd definitely agree with you. On a normal day. 

But we are still having our lockdown here. Meaning we can't get out of our houses. That sounds like an excuse, but it also means things are yet to get back to normal around here. 

How do I explain this? I'm not expecting a babysitter, rather a meagre connection with the outside world. 

Also, I am currently participating in online courses as much as I can, alongside college classes. But there's a component of overpowering sadness that takes control everyday. I know it sounds lame, but that's the only way I can express it. 

And no, I don't have the expectation that suddenly talking to a friend is gonna undo all that. The point is to have a positive social interaction once in a while. 

I hear you on the "positive social interaction". I live alone (have been since before the pandemic) in a house that is way too big for one person so I somewhat empathize. All this took a lot of adjustment and there was a period of anxiety and disorientation. It was awhile before I became comfortable with my own thoughts. Preparing things for the house or around the place takes a lot of time and work so this has been a saving grace.

Try easing into the quiet and being more comfortable in your own thoughts and learning to find joy in your own ongoings, independent of whatever else is going on around you. This probably means learning to control and limit the addictions to technology and your phone.

Outside stimulus from social media like a constant barrage is negative. All it offers is ongoing chatter and usually of a superficial means. You can find a more rewarding means of feedback or knowledge wherever you take an interest. Develop those interests. Last night I watched half of a documentary about the Indonesian archipelago (a part of my heritage) and the islander history. I consider myself an islander at heart so naturally find myself at beaches, piers or other places near bodies of water. These act like portals for me. I like taking the kayak out. When I'm near or in the water I'm also at home. 

You have to find spiritual nourishment regardless of the space or time. Go and find that wherever you are even if you are at home.

I signed up for an online program too and continued it in my new home during the pandemic. Each course is different, some requiring more online participation than others, but overall, I've enjoyed it quite a bit so I also support the online courses or extra mental stimulus. 

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20 hours ago, sarameldrin said:

I tried to bridge the gap through texting or video calling. But I feel like I would sometimes love to see someone ping me up first, or at least, reply or agree to a video call when I approach them first.

How often do you talk? (Text, speak on the phone, videocall, email, etc.) And if so, what do you talk about?

Honestly, we already had stuff to deal with. Then, the pandemic happened, which threw a curveball on us. Dealing with it is quite taxing. Thus, if people aren't as communicative as before, it's most likely not personal. People are coping with this curveball to their best of their ability.

Great that you're doing some online courses. Does your college have any clubs? Your college might have a board gaming club, for example. You'd join and meet people online.

Additional suggestions of mine, which I practice at the moment: focus on the positives and let go of the negatives because that doesn't help you in any way, limit your news and social media intake, surround yourself with things that are uplifting and inspire you.

One day at a time. 🙂

 

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22 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

I met a few local friends here through a 'local singles grp' on Facebook.

This was about 3 yrs ago and I still talk with/ hang with about 3 of them on a regular basis.

So maybe see if you have something like that in your area?

Also, yeah, there are several other groups (sports related, crafts ( I am also in a crochet grp).. a hauntings grp, lol). So, yah never know.

 

That sounds quite interesting. I'll surely try that out. 

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Posted (edited)
21 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I hear you on the "positive social interaction". I live alone (have been since before the pandemic) in a house that is way too big for one person so I somewhat empathize. All this took a lot of adjustment and there was a period of anxiety and disorientation. It was awhile before I became comfortable with my own thoughts. Preparing things for the house or around the place takes a lot of time and work so this has been a saving grace.

Try easing into the quiet and being more comfortable in your own thoughts and learning to find joy in your own ongoings, independent of whatever else is going on around you. This probably means learning to control and limit the addictions to technology and your phone.

Outside stimulus from social media like a constant barrage is negative. All it offers is ongoing chatter and usually of a superficial means. You can find a more rewarding means of feedback or knowledge wherever you take an interest. Develop those interests. Last night I watched half of a documentary about the Indonesian archipelago (a part of my heritage) and the islander history. I consider myself an islander at heart so naturally find myself at beaches, piers or other places near bodies of water. These act like portals for me. I like taking the kayak out. When I'm near or in the water I'm also at home. 

You have to find spiritual nourishment regardless of the space or time. Go and find that wherever you are even if you are at home.

I signed up for an online program too and continued it in my new home during the pandemic. Each course is different, some requiring more online participation than others, but overall, I've enjoyed it quite a bit so I also support the online courses or extra mental stimulus. 

I agree so much with you on this. I go to social media looking for communication and come out drained of energy. So I am trying to limit that now as much as possible. 

 

As for spiritual nourishment, I feel a bit lost tbh. I do think that trying to refocus on my long term goals might help. Trying to gather my thoughts in one place and starting from there. 

 

BTW I'm so glad to know that you found something you enjoy so much. I'm still trying stuff out...things I've always wanted to do (not with much success) but I acknowledge that nothing happens in a day. Hope I have the courage to persist. 

Edited by sarameldrin
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8 hours ago, greendots said:

How often do you talk? (Text, speak on the phone, videocall, email, etc.) And if so, what do you talk about?

Honestly, we already had stuff to deal with. Then, the pandemic happened, which threw a curveball on us. Dealing with it is quite taxing. Thus, if people aren't as communicative as before, it's most likely not personal. People are coping with this curveball to their best of their ability.

Great that you're doing some online courses. Does your college have any clubs? Your college might have a board gaming club, for example. You'd join and meet people online.

Additional suggestions of mine, which I practice at the moment: focus on the positives and let go of the negatives because that doesn't help you in any way, limit your news and social media intake, surround yourself with things that are uplifting and inspire you.

One day at a time. 🙂

 

Say, a video call once in every few months and texting once in 2 weeks, maybe or less. With some effort. Of course it varies from person to person. 

 

Absolutely. I mean, we all expected locusts and what not as an apocalypse but no one saw a virus coming. 

 

I have joined a group since two years, and I participate in some of the online activities now and then, but they can only do so much. 

But yes, your advice is very valuable and thoughtful. Thank you. 

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2 hours ago, sarameldrin said:

Say, a video call once in every few months and texting once in 2 weeks, maybe or less. With some effort. Of course it varies from person to person. 

 

Absolutely. I mean, we all expected locusts and what not as an apocalypse but no one saw a virus coming. 

 

I have joined a group since two years, and I participate in some of the online activities now and then, but they can only do so much. 

But yes, your advice is very valuable and thoughtful. Thank you. 

You're welcome! The good news about making friends online now is that once lockdown is over, you'll be able to meet them in real life for walks or whatever you feel like. 🙂

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On 5/23/2021 at 6:17 AM, sarameldrin said:

I agree so much with you on this. I go to social media looking for communication and come out drained of energy. So I am trying to limit that now as much as possible. 

 

As for spiritual nourishment, I feel a bit lost tbh. I do think that trying to refocus on my long term goals might help. Trying to gather my thoughts in one place and starting from there. 

 

BTW I'm so glad to know that you found something you enjoy so much. I'm still trying stuff out...things I've always wanted to do (not with much success) but I acknowledge that nothing happens in a day. Hope I have the courage to persist. 

Have courage! Some days may be bleaker than others but do persist. I saw a sign the other day at the store and loved it immediately. I was smiling away until another customer was curious and asked me what I was smiling about. It said "Insist to persist." Short and sweet and summarizes all we need for resiliency and creating safe spaces for ourselves and learning to grow. 

Even if getting around is a challenge due to the lockdown find little things that kindle that joy in you at home. It's one day at a time and bit by bit. You'll be back up and running in no time. 

Nevermind the social media. There are other ways to recharge. You can also create something out of very little finding projects at home with inexpensive materials.

Journaling is great to gather thoughts. It's also a safe place to express yourself in a world that is harsh, judgmental and a whole lot of unkind. Keep fostering those positive thoughts and enjoy what life has to offer in the process too. 

 

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